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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rach on May 17, 2002, at 22:31:41
I'm really struggling. But it's not in a way that is expected.
I don't even know if I can put this in words properly. I have recognised that one of my problems is fear of success.
You see, I know I can succeed at anything I decided to do. I know I will make it work. But I can't see the point. You succeed at one goal, you're happy for a short time, then you look for the next thing. You go on this path of find a goal, do it, be a bit happy, then having to find something else to look for to achieve. When does it end? When do you say, ok, I've achieved a lot in my life, I'm happy with that. What is the point of succeeding at something if the process is just going to continue for the rest of your life?
I know that success for me will probably mean a higher profile in the community, which will in turn mean I have greater power to influence things and make a difference for other people. I will be able to help other people through depression and be able to have a better standing in charity work. But somehow I can't see that as the only reason for doing something.
I also know that if I intended to have kids it might make things easier, because then I achieve what I want in life and then go on to help someone else in being the best they can be. But I don't want to have kids.
Ultimately, I know that the main purpose of life is to love, and be loved. And I do have that in my life from family and friends. But I don't have that special person, and I am scared I will never find them, and thus not have that purpose in my life. I am also worried that by living by myself I am making myself very shared house unfriendly, and that I am distancing myself from people and withdrawing into myself too much to even notice that an opportunity is there.
I don't believe in God in the christian sense, but I do believe in a higher power and that there is a bigger picture. I believe in my soul and that I am here to learn and gain knowledge and expand my soul. I do know that part of all this is to have fun. I just can't seem to mesh this all together and make sense of it all.
I think I need some help and guidance, but where does one go to find a spiritual leader that is not affiliated to a specific religion?
I know also, my fear of success is all rooted in a fear of failure, because once I have succeeded in a lot of things, what happens if I do happen to have a set back, and suddenly all the people who had faith in me are disappointed?
ARGH! Does this make sense to anyone? or am I truly proving my insanity?
Posted by Deb R on May 19, 2002, at 23:26:43
In reply to Serious post, posted by Rach on May 17, 2002, at 22:31:41
Rach,
Phew....have read your post and am having a think about my reply - just wanted to let you know that others are probably doing the same. I notice it was posted on the 17th and I didnt want you to think no-one was going to reply, just need to think about it, so I will reply in a day or so.
Love,
Deb.
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 20, 2002, at 9:09:17
In reply to Re: Serious post, posted by Deb R on May 19, 2002, at 23:26:43
hey Rach!!
Sorry - forgot to check into PB 2000!!! I forget its there ya see!!
I'm afraid, as usual, I can't think of the right things to say.. Just that, you're at a crossroads in life I guess.. up until this point you haven't had to suceed cos its all just been stdy, and no you're at a point here you have to hit real life and make decisions as to what you want to do.. its probably just mixing up all kinds of feelings in you..
Try and find the one hting you really love doing and try and follow that route and see what comes of it.. you'll suceed if you keep yoursel;f happy... whether other people class you as having succeded is their problem.. Something I'm starting to realise.. i don't have to be at the top to have suceeded, I just have to be happy doing what i am doing..
As for having kids.. I never wanted them, never sa any point.. then I met a man whose babies i wanted and boiy did I ant them... but slowly changing my mind again!! *lol* Dedcided nice big holidays every year are better than babies for me right now!!
Nikki xxx
Posted by kazoo on May 21, 2002, at 0:57:58
In reply to Serious post, posted by Rach on May 17, 2002, at 22:31:41
> ... fear of success.
"There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all." Robert Zimmerman a.k.a. Bob Dylan
What's the opposite of success for you and for everybody else: it's failure, so you're determined to "fail" if you don't "succeed" via the parameters you set for yourself.
("How's that again?")
All this stuff about helping people via your own depression is all fine and dandy, but think of yourself first. I realize this may appear selfish but you'll be no good to anyone, most of all yourself, if you cannot overcome the very thing that prevents you from such goals.
Either that or strive for a new definition of "success."
And don't take this life too seriously, or for granted, it's all that we know at this level of consciousness. Leave the metaphysics to the metaphysical doctors, who are all miserable trying to define that which is ineffable.
See? You make all the sense in the world, and that's just ducky!
kazoo
Posted by shar on May 24, 2002, at 1:19:39
In reply to Re: Serious post ... seriously?, posted by kazoo on May 21, 2002, at 0:57:58
Rach,
I think a lot of your wonderings really come down to personal decisions and choices. What will bring meaning and contentment to you is a hard thing to predict very far into the future. As we all know, things can change in a heartbeat. Maybe focusing on what you want to do in the here and now, and having a goal to reach, (or something) is a good approach.Those are very big questions, and hard to truly answer except in the context of what it means to me in my life, you in your life, etc. Nothing too hard and fast there.
My therapist encourages me to view things as experiments...an experiment in intimacy, an experiment in career goals. This sort of gives me a lot of room to try different things, plus knowing it's not a path I have to choose forever and I can stop it when I want, plus there aren't any real mistakes when I'm just trying things on to see how they feel.
As someone else said, I think when it comes to what to do with your life, you can't really be thinking too much about what will please or disappoint others; it's time to think about YOU and what you want. Maybe the first experiment is to try on thinking about YOU, putting yourself first...
Shar
Posted by Rach on May 24, 2002, at 7:50:47
In reply to Re: Serious post ... , posted by shar on May 24, 2002, at 1:19:39
I'm in a much better place now, not questioning so much and going with the flow; I suppose along the lines of Shar's experiments.
After a week and a half being really down, unmotivated, and not doing anything but watching the worst of the worst TV crap, I'm back on top of things. And it feels great.
Posted by Deb R on May 24, 2002, at 19:56:51
In reply to Serious post, posted by Rach on May 17, 2002, at 22:31:41
Hi Rach,
What you wrote makes sense - it is perfectly natural to question where you are going, what meanings there are in things. Perhaps just try and tackle the 'answerable' and 'do-able' things for now - settle in to today and face today, then tomorrow should fall into line a bit better.
Thats how I have been approaching life lately, making myself not thing about everything, just the here and now.
Love,
Deb.
This is the end of the thread.
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