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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by asil on October 12, 1999, at 21:47:59
I've sent this before but it didn't show up on the site, that I could see. are there some topics that are too "off" for this board?
Maybe it just got lost in cyberspace?
My question is this...I ahve begun having "psychotic breaks" where the
devil talks to me. Hold on....I KNOW that the devil isn't really talking to me,
that it is an auditory hallucination, but the thing that really bugs me,
is that I can't quite make out the words! Should I listen harder, or what?
Maybe my subconcious is trying to tell me something important? It seems that if I could just concentrate a little harder, I could figure out what is being said.
My Pdoc tells me that when I become "aware" that these voices are just an hallucination, that they will likely stop.
So, I'm aware. When do they stop? I'm taking 80mg Prozac and 25mcg cytomel for
depression. He gave me an "anti-psychotic" but I can't remember the name right now.
I can look it up if anyone's interested.
This is too weird. Not only do I have to continually look over my shoulder wondering if "today's the day" that
my depression knocks me on my ass...now I have to put up with myself/the devil mumbling in my ear!
Does this go away? Now that i've begun to have these "breaks"
will I get them more often? Should I listen and try to make it out? Maybe then it will go away.
No answers here....Asil
Posted by Nancy on October 12, 1999, at 22:56:48
In reply to hallucinating / psychosis, posted by asil on October 12, 1999, at 21:47:59
I'm not sure what to say about auditory hallucinations that, to me, seem to be somewhat deragatory in their nature or expression, if you will?
But, from personal exps, my hallucinations tend to run along the side of absurd hilarity to ridiculous comedy! For instance, my alarm clock telling me the most hilarious jokes that I've ever heard in my life. Okay, there I am cracking up (so to speak), I mean laughing gregariously, When a man's voice from underneath my bed jumps into the reparte with add ons and silly quips. There I was, having the time of my life, all the while I was losing my mind.
On-the-other-hand, my delusions can very drastically in their content. Such as, believing that the "quiet room" on a psychiatric ward, to which I became well aquainted, was in actuality a gas chamber. What was REALLY going on, see, was that Nazis are still lurking about killing just like they did in WWII (remember, the first people they murdered were the mentally ill). Okay, that's kind of the jist of some of my horrible delusions. When I think about the situations that I was in during the different delusions, the situations effect on me had the power to "guide" the delusion into either a frightening reaction or a more serene and pleasant outcome.
The psychosis rears it head during either very high and unresolved mania (my hypomanias can last many weeks up to a few months) or painfully deep depression (bad place to be if your suicidal). If I'm not in the throes of an extreme mood phase, then the psychosis NEVER shows itself (not even a little bit of paranoia)!
How do I rid the bats from the belfrey, you ask? For me, Seroquel (400 -600 mgs/ day). Funny, now that it comes to mind, as my psychosis disappeared, I had to greatly reduce my level of Seroquel. Where once, 600mgs was needed while I was really MAD. As I began to stablize, 200 mgs would knock me on my butt! Crash! Down for the count. Eventually, I was stable enough to taper off my atypical-antipsychotic (that would be the Seroquel), until I no longer need to take it.
Right now, this illness is at a level where 50mgs/day of Lamictal keeps me even-keel. Not emotionally flat...but, steady.
You need a new doc, if his perscription is "be aware of the illness and, magically, it will just go away". Sounds like one quack that I saw, before I became "aware that he is a quack and, magically, he was no longer my pdoc"!
allllriiiiight. I guess I've been liberal with my two-cents. :) nancy
> I've sent this before but it didn't show up on the site, that I could see. are there some topics that are too "off" for this board?
> Maybe it just got lost in cyberspace?
> My question is this...I ahve begun having "psychotic breaks" where the
> devil talks to me. Hold on....I KNOW that the devil isn't really talking to me,
> that it is an auditory hallucination, but the thing that really bugs me,
> is that I can't quite make out the words! Should I listen harder, or what?
> Maybe my subconcious is trying to tell me something important? It seems that if I could just concentrate a little harder, I could figure out what is being said.
> My Pdoc tells me that when I become "aware" that these voices are just an hallucination, that they will likely stop.
> So, I'm aware. When do they stop? I'm taking 80mg Prozac and 25mcg cytomel for
> depression. He gave me an "anti-psychotic" but I can't remember the name right now.
> I can look it up if anyone's interested.
> This is too weird. Not only do I have to continually look over my shoulder wondering if "today's the day" that
> my depression knocks me on my ass...now I have to put up with myself/the devil mumbling in my ear!
> Does this go away? Now that i've begun to have these "breaks"
> will I get them more often? Should I listen and try to make it out? Maybe then it will go away.
> No answers here....Asil
>
Posted by Noa on October 12, 1999, at 23:35:00
In reply to Re: hallucinating / psychosis, posted by Nancy on October 12, 1999, at 22:56:48
Asil,
I have the feeling that the nature of your auditory hallucination is such that no matter how hard you try to listen, you will never make out what it is saying, that that is part of the point of the hallucination, ie, to feel like you just can't figure out what is going on. Frustrating. It is hard for me to articulate, but I feel like I am in a similar process with my depression. I used to always try to figure out the "formula" for putting depression behind me, like just trying to get it right in my life. Now I am learning to accept myself as I am, depression and all, and not have all the answers. I might never know "why" I am depressed, despite understanding all of the possible contributors. I might never know the way out of depression, and will have to settle for know how to live through it and with it as part of my life, just able to manage it as much as possible. Letting go of that desparate search to know the real answers is hard, but I think it is helping me a lot.
Posted by macha on October 14, 1999, at 18:59:38
In reply to Re: hallucinating / psychosis, posted by Noa on October 12, 1999, at 23:35:00
Asil,
You are not alone in this devil hallucination. What sorts of things does he say? Does he make random comments? Give you information you believe is meant to be useful, but just can't figure out? Does he initiate whole conversations? How do you feel about hearing the devil's voice? Is he frightening, or just confusing? If he's not bothering you maybe you can learn to ignore him? (grasping a little bit there) And which antipsychotic did your dr. give you?
This is the end of the thread.
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