![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jennyann on September 29, 1999, at 20:06:08
I am sitting in my physicians office today crying..staring at the blood pressure cuff because I am ashamed and embarrassed that I cant stop crying. I am almost thirty and I cant even control my own anxiety, my depression. he is nice, and seems genuinely invested in helping me figure out what I can do to combat my depression, my anxiety. I want badly to beg him for something that will knock me out, make me numb, make me S L O W. I tell him I am tired. I tell him I have analyzed myself and tried to make it stop with drugs and sex and psychotherapy and excercise and meditation and poetry and shopping and food and still....it persists. It is so much work just being present right now. I am trying to decide whether to go back to the meds; I've been off paxil for 5 months, and Im terrified to go back. I am terrifeid to not go back. maybe I am just terrified. so he suggests remeron. any input? it means alot just to know you're all out there...
JennyAnn
(formerly Hktty)
Posted by Janice on September 29, 1999, at 21:33:12
In reply to My old friend depression..., posted by jennyann on September 29, 1999, at 20:06:08
I thought i had bad depression for years. AD after AD after combination of ADs... very little benefit. Turns out I have ADHD.
ps. don't feel bad about not being able to control anxiety or depression. If anyone could, they wouldn't be anywhere in the world. It has nothing to do with your moral character. Janice.
Posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 22:22:39
In reply to Re: My old friend depression..., posted by Janice on September 29, 1999, at 21:33:12
I went years and years without treatment, and only now - after destroyed careers and relationships, drug addiction, self loathing, and all the wrong behavior and attitudes that accumulated when I was trying to keep the pain away, I finally got help and got on AD's. I come from a culture where the suffering through life is sort of glorified, and I was struggling with feelings of guilt for some time, as I felt that I was 'drugging' myself, that I wasn't willing to carry my share of the load..
I don't feel that way any more - I feel that the medicines offer me a foundation to stand on, so I can take responsibility of my own life - so that I can start the hard work of correcting all the improper behaviors and attitudes. The medicines have stopped my downfall of not being able to consistently take care of myself, not being able to keep a job for more than a few months at the time, for needing to move to a new city every year hoping that I could leave the pain behind, etc.. For the first time I can be truly responsible about my life - I don't need lovers to prove that I am loveable, and eventually to take care of me when I am too sick to do it myself.
I do not promote medicine, if anyone can get well without, I am glad they can. I can not.The depression and anxiety for me are like a pain: they are indicators that something is wrong, and I have to act on it. Like when I put my hand in fire, the pain tells me to pull it out. Sometimes, though, the pain gets too much, and instead of initializing an action it paralyzes us and prevents us from taking the correct action. This is how I look to my disorder: I am not trying to medicate my feelings, when bad things happen I am supposed to feel sad, even depressed. When I am scared, I am supposed to feel some anxiety as a sign that I need to do something about the situation. But when the anxiety and depression get so oppressive that all I can do is cry or hide in my room for weeks and months, which is no longer good for me. It is that paralyzing and unproductive pressure that I am medicating, not my feelings.
I am not trying to tell you that you should or should not get on meds. I only wanted to let you know how I came to the decision, and how I feel about the medication. This was a very hard decision for me, too, and it wasn't until after weeks that I came to understand for sure that I had made the right decision for me. Only advice I can offer you is to try to stay informed about your condition in general, and the medicines you consider in particular. Most knowledge that I have gained is from the folks in this board.
Whatever you do, you don't have to be alone in this ride
Good luck
DeeBTW what is ADHD?
(Do yall think my posts are too long... I get carried away at times.)
Posted by Noa on September 29, 1999, at 22:49:50
In reply to Re: My old friend depression..., posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 22:22:39
Dee, no your posts arent' too long for me.
jennyann, the thing about not treating the depression is that it might get worse. I have learned from this board that there are a lot of choices in meds, and that makes me hopeful. I am older than you and have struggled on and off for years with depression--the chronic kind, with intermittent episodes of powerful major depression superimposed. Good luck, keep us posted.
Posted by JohnL on September 30, 1999, at 3:59:27
In reply to My old friend depression..., posted by jennyann on September 29, 1999, at 20:06:08
> I am sitting in my physicians office today crying..staring at the blood pressure cuff because I am ashamed and embarrassed that I cant stop crying. I am almost thirty and I cant even control my own anxiety, my depression. he is nice, and seems genuinely invested in helping me figure out what I can do to combat my depression, my anxiety. I want badly to beg him for something that will knock me out, make me numb, make me S L O W. I tell him I am tired. I tell him I have analyzed myself and tried to make it stop with drugs and sex and psychotherapy and excercise and meditation and poetry and shopping and food and still....it persists. It is so much work just being present right now. I am trying to decide whether to go back to the meds; I've been off paxil for 5 months, and Im terrified to go back. I am terrifeid to not go back. maybe I am just terrified. so he suggests remeron. any input? it means alot just to know you're all out there...
> JennyAnn
> (formerly Hktty)Hi there JennyAnn. Cool name. Hey, your descriptive writing illustrates very clearly a place I've been way too often. Thousands of other folks too. I'm so sorry you're feeling badly, but do realize you are nowhere near being alone.
I was on Paxil for a year. Felt better. Doc said I could try weening off. Did. Over the next 6 months that old enemy depression crept right back in like a snake in the grass. By the time I knew it I was a gonner. Taking a medication is not a character flaw, ya know. We are lucky to have treatment choices not available decades ago. Can you imagine how crazy things could get if there was no such thing as Paxil? If you were stuck with that depression with no way out at all?
It sounds wise for you to accept medication. No need to suffer any longer. Remeron has been shown in three separate clinical trials to be faster-acting and stronger than Prozac or Paxil. My experience with it wasn't as good as that, but I still use small doses of it with my Prozac for good sleep. You will sleep real well with Remeron. You know how some drug combinations work very well, but we aren't sure why? Well, Paxil+Remeron is one of them. You might discuss with your doc using both meds. The Remeron, especially if started first, will likely prevent any sexual side effects. You'll sleep great, and it'll potentiate the Paxil. It will also allow the dose of Paxil to be lower. Talk to your doc about it. Start the Remeron first, then add slow small amounts of Paxil and build up. I've tried both of these, and this is just my opinion. I think the combo would be much better than either alone. Just an idea. One of the docs in Dr Bob's Tips favors this combo a lot.
Posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 10:37:39
In reply to Re: My old enemy depression..., posted by JohnL on September 30, 1999, at 3:59:27
Hi JennyAnn
Just like JohnL said, there is (well, I *hope* it's still there) this four or five story sign painted on the side of a building here in NYC at Broadway and 72nd -- Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not a flaw in character.
[I'm also glad he got in before me, so I won't get up on my soapbox and FLAME paxil for all I'm worth ... glad it works for some people].
All the same, if depression is your old friend/enemy, five months on meds just isn't enough. Been there, done that, crashed BIG time. It was hard, but like Dee, I've finally come to accept that I cannot function without my meds, and that I will in all likelihood need them the rest of my life. We've been through similar struggles like what you've described -- the meds are there to give you a firm platform from which you can fight the damage done. They're not going to make things go away on their own, but they can make you a far better fighter against those things.
Hang in there, JennyAnn, and keep us posted
Bob
Posted by acm on September 30, 1999, at 16:59:19
In reply to Re: My old enemy depression..., posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 10:37:39
I was against taking drugs, thought I could pull myself out of it. Thought drugs would change me into someone else. Found I couldn't stand living and I hated not being able to think clearly. Remeron has been a great help to me. I couldn't sleep, and it helped me get the rest I needed after being strung out from months of sleeplessness. At times I've needed something more. I tried lithium with it, which helped awhile, but the side effects were awful. Things got better, and I got off the lithium. Then things got bad again. My doctor's added 100 mg of Wellbutrin and decreased the Remeron from 45 to 30 mg/day, which has helped without the awful side effects I had with lithium (and possibly reversing some weight gain). It's been a hellish two years, and there are days I wonder why I am still here. However, I would NOT still be here were it not for the Remeron and the therapy. They give me hope that perhaps I can weather this massive storm and find peace someday (or some reasonable facsimile). Take care.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.