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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 48. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Perhaps when my parents pass.
Linkadge
Posted by rjlockhart98 on August 19, 2005, at 22:57:06
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
linkadge
I have been almost to the point i overdosed on Nembutal (it was expired from '92) that used to be my dad's a long time ago. I stared at the 13 capsules left, realizing my life. It would have killed me.
get some ambition going! i am want to be an investor or lawyer. Set your mind to keep going like a race (marathon), your brain releases dopamine when you have drive.
People who have drive usally have higher dopamine than others, dopamine is what motives you to do things, or you dont have dopamine when you dont like what your doing. Thats why they put people, and kids on a stimulant to do what ever it is that is boring, which is mostly work.
But what you like doing you will have a ambition and dopamine drive will increase.
Life is what the perception of it is. If you change it, your biochemistry will change.
Being isolated can REALLY cause depression. Talk to people that you somewhat relate to, laying around the house makes me feel bored and worthless.
Put in your head one day, you will be succesfull, in buisness, medical, law. Or start your own computer server, dont think little, think big.
Linkagde you have the it inside, i also belive in the lord that he will guide me.
Bro, take care
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2005, at 23:37:52
In reply to Re: nooooooo, posted by rjlockhart98 on August 19, 2005, at 22:57:06
Link it seems we're all in that mood. Read my Thread on the writing board. I care but who am I? Fondly, Phillipa. ps my thread on wiritng is entitled Guilty, Guilty, Guilty.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2005, at 0:18:34
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
there does seem to be a lot of it...
it reminds me of a play "happy days" by samuel beckett.
winnie is buried up to her waist in a mound of sand. dunno how she got there. a bell rings in the morning and she opens her eyes and is awake.
she speaks... she remembers. she tells herself stories. she tells herself jokes. she remembers things she has read. she has a handbag. she examines everything in much detail. brushes her teeth.
she has a parasole to keep the sun off.
it bursts into flame.the things we do to get through the day
to make our lives bearable
to fill in timeday two. the bell rings. she opens her eyes. she is buried to her neck...
willie puts in an appearance. he seems to have a touch of lethargy. that isn't so compatable with her needing to talk so much... they are together but stuck in their own unique brand of isolation.
he tries to come and save her
but he collapses with exhaustion.the end.
the next day
presumably...
the sand would have consumed hertheatre of the absurd.
the absurdity of the human condition...
i used to think this was what life was really like.
people who didn't like this
who felt squemish
were self deluded
in denial
couldn't face up to realities.but thats not right.
in itself...
its nothing.but sometimes the world seems like such a wonderful place
and othertimes it does notand over time our perception changes.
i wish it didn't have to be like that.
Posted by Declan on August 20, 2005, at 1:09:19
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Linkadge
You will find someone wonderful and fall in love.
Even easier when your parents pass.
That little boy with the balloon.
Declan
Posted by lynn970 on August 20, 2005, at 8:43:33
In reply to Re: nooooooo, posted by rjlockhart98 on August 19, 2005, at 22:57:06
The last time I felt that way a thought hit me like a brick.--- "If God did not want me here, I would already be gone."
Although you may not feel that you have a purpose, you do.
I had 4 miscarriages. Those 4 little boys that I lost was not meant to be here on earth. You are here. Although you feel sad and depressed, and think your worthless. You really are worth a lot. You have already enriched me life.
Posted by ed_uk on August 20, 2005, at 10:33:53
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Link,
I might have to come to Canada and stop you....... There's something special about you - in a good way.
Btw, I just left university for a year (or two) - I might go back later. University was too depressing.... and horrendously boring. It was bad for my mental health.
Love
~ed
Posted by ed_uk on August 20, 2005, at 10:35:25
In reply to Re: nooooooo, posted by rjlockhart98 on August 19, 2005, at 22:57:06
>Being isolated can REALLY cause depression. Talk to people that you somewhat relate to, laying around the house makes me feel bored and worthless.
Now that's true.
~ed
Posted by ed_uk on August 20, 2005, at 15:45:16
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by Declan on August 20, 2005, at 1:09:19
>You will find someone wonderful and fall in love.
That's true. It can make a big difference. Link did say that he had someone in mind.
Eddy
Posted by fairywings on August 20, 2005, at 23:20:42
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad link. i really hope it gets better. are u still having a lot of problems with meds? i haven't been on very much lately so i don't know what's been going on with that. i've been depressed lately too, but not suicidal. i hope i don't get that depressed, and i hope u come out of it.
(((hugs))))
fw
Posted by fairywings on August 20, 2005, at 23:22:58
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by ed_uk on August 20, 2005, at 10:33:53
>
> Btw, I just left university for a year (or two) - I might go back later. University was too depressing.... and horrendously boring. It was bad for my mental health.
>
> Love
>
> ~edhi eddy,
i hope u'll consider going back really soon, it's one of my biggest regrets - quitting b4 i had kids. now i feel so incomplete. i no it's boring, and it seems to take 4ever, but only 2 more years! please consider going back!
fw
Posted by Sebastian on August 21, 2005, at 11:22:43
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Why do you want to be dead? Wouldn't that suck?
Posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 13:24:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Sebastian on August 21, 2005, at 11:22:43
Sometimes I think it would be great to be dead.
Quite regularly in fact.
I suppose most people feel this from time to time, I dunno.
Dying is another thing again.
It's a pity too because the world is so beautiful.Declan
Posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 13:24:12
I just can't stop thinking about it. Everything I do, I think about it.
I just don't want to take meds anymore. I'd rather feel like this.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
I don't want to start something that will just poop out.
Linkadge
Posted by fairywings on August 21, 2005, at 17:52:36
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
i don't know how old you are link, and i know i've said this to you b4, but i've been there b4 too, and there are times i feel a bit that way, not so much so that i'd act on it, and not for any length of time anymore. but years ago i felt that way all the time. i don't know what happened, but it was like a reawakening, and in a short time i started to feel better and got my life back together. now it's a bit mixed up again, but not nearly as bad as it was back then. i do think that the meds can affect your system and get it all screwed up. i hope you can get to the point where you don't think about it all the time and don't feel that way all the time.
fw
Posted by Nickengland on August 21, 2005, at 17:55:45
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
>I don't want to start something that will just poop out.
I know what you're saying Linkadge, when things you enjoy or get pleasure from 'poop out' it is very frustrating and depressing to say the least. When something you dont enjoy or get pleasure from poops out, then its the oppisite.
At one point or another though, and I know this may sound depressing, but everything in ones life poops out, even life itself. The food we it poops out ;-) Love (real crazy in love-type-love) poops out, and develops into a different kind of love. And of course the relief we get from medications does poop-out every so often.
I guess its what you make between the poop out, which really makes things worth living for.
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by lynn970 on August 21, 2005, at 18:30:50
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
Hang in there. Did you tell this to a doctor?
Posted by Phillipa on August 21, 2005, at 18:43:51
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by lynn970 on August 21, 2005, at 18:30:50
If I could just get any med to work I could handle the poopout. At least then I'd know that something can work. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 19:08:26
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by Nickengland on August 21, 2005, at 17:55:45
That's right Nick
Nothing lasts forever and I wouldn't want to either. Imagine having your head cryogenically frozen. Even worse, imagine it worked. Here forever. Not for me. What was it TS Eliot said...'I was born and once was enough'. Another time Auden asked him why he was always playing patience. He answered 'I suppose it's the closest thing to being dead'.
Very funny
Declan
Posted by lorilu on August 22, 2005, at 0:26:38
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
> I just can't stop thinking about it. Everything I do, I think about it.
>
> I just don't want to take meds anymore. I'd rather feel like this.
> Linkadge> Dear Linkadge,
I never write anymore because everyone seems to be anti-meds but I have always connected with you because of the number of meds my son and I take. You have always been open and willing to discuss your life with us and not judge... AND my son did just get off Paxil after 3 1/2 years but only because he was ready this summer. There are probably many more people out there like me that don't write but are rooting for you every day and feel like we know you. You will know when it is the right time to go off the meds. I usually want to go off the meds when I am feeling good, but then I just spiral downward. Some of us are med lifers and that is ok.Best Wishes and stay healthy,
lorilu
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Posted by Nickengland on August 22, 2005, at 6:31:06
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Nickengland, posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 19:08:26
>Imagine having your head cryogenically frozen. Even worse, imagine it worked. Here forever. Not for me.
I'm with you there Declan..
That reminded me when you said that, of the Walt Disney Guy ~ he is actually frozen isn't he?
>Another time Auden asked him why he was always playing patience. He answered 'I suppose it's the closest thing to being dead'.
LOL true.
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by linkadge on August 22, 2005, at 16:54:02
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Declan, posted by Nickengland on August 22, 2005, at 6:31:06
I just want to live as myself, not some heavily medicated zombie.
I don't know what this "remission" myth is that some doctors continue to talk about, but the best I can ever get is sedated.
Linkadge
Posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 22, 2005, at 16:54:02
Hi Linkage
I hope you feel better soon. I don't think you should die yet...you look really young and you have a lot more to explore and experience.
Alexandra told me once, "death will come soon enough." That made a lot of sense to me. You should put death off if you're depressed because you're not in the right frame of mind to make such an important decision.
(((Linkage)))
Deneb
Posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
I recently had the pleasure of hearing Marsha Linehan speak. She is the psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Something she said struck me. She said, in her irreverent but honest way, that there is absolutely no research to show that *anyone* feels better after suicide. There's no proof.
Better to stick with the known than the unknown?
gg
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