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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 50 to 74 of 75. Go back in thread:
Posted by damos on April 17, 2005, at 22:01:08
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos, posted by Susan47 on April 17, 2005, at 19:55:47
LMAO!!!!!!!!! Super-special, oh no. Intolerable to be around Oh-Yeh!!! My life hasn't been bad by any means, something just got kinda screwed up somewhere along the line. G*d I remember the day I turned 21 and one of the girls in the office said "I thought you were 30 at least I can't believe it." Boy I so hope what you say is true..I keep on hoping. Big Sigh. Another big sigh.
Can you believe I have trouble sitting on the lounge (couch) with anyone for an extended period and even worse I've almost never managed to spend the entire night in the same bed as another person. It's really upsetting for a woman to wake and find you on the lounge, in the spare room or on the floor at the foot of the bed. Can't explain the sensation that drives that behaviour but it's an actual physical pressure. Getting to know someone - really know them is more important than being physical with them for me.
I've been working really hard on getting sorted and my energetic healing therapist says the improvement from the first time she saw me is remarkable. Funny during one session she kept calling me Tom. Said the name just kept coming to her each time she went to say my name and the feeling was that it was my name not that of someone associated with me. She's really intuitive and been 100% spot on with a number of things that she couldn't have guessed and had certainly not even been hinted at. I am finding that the more love and acceptance I put out into the world, the more returns to me, and that's got to be good.
Funny, the image of a girl I was totally in love with from the 5th grade right through high school just came into my head. I know she knew how I felt and can see now how she tried to help me without embarrassing me, and how I never managed to say or do anything. Hopeless.
Kinda think my role in life is just to be safe place for people to be. Just to be a place of safety where they can be themselves without worrying about all the other BS. Where they can regain their strength, mend their wings, get a hand up, feel supported and cared for, listened to and loved, and then go back out into the world again when they feel strong enough. And I 'm okay with that. Maybe someday someone will want to stay.
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 8:42:42
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » Susan47, posted by damos on April 17, 2005, at 22:01:08
You might be good therapist material. You wouldn't be eyeing your patients provocatively or making passes at them, shaking hands is about all you'd be able to do ... you can laugh now.
Posted by antigua on April 18, 2005, at 9:41:56
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 8:42:42
I've been reading this thread and all I have to say is that you apear to be an incredible person. You seem to know yourself so well. I'm sorry you face all this, I truly am. Don't give up hope, though.
antigua
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 10:00:20
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos, posted by antigua on April 18, 2005, at 9:41:56
> I've been reading this thread and all I have to say is that you apear to be an incredible person. You seem to know yourself so well. I'm sorry you face all this, I truly am. Don't give up hope, though.
> antiguaI've got to agree....he seems to know himself really well. That is about 90% of the work, already done, to effect change.
The hardest thing about changing is knowing what it is that might be changed. You might note, I'm adopting a non-judgmental language set. Change is neither bad nor good. It's merely different.
If you can adopt some sense of this dispassionate observer status, change can happen before your eyes.
One of the aspects of change that is self-limiting is failing to communicate with another during such an event. You can't work on changing how you relate to a sexual partner unless you're with one, for example. And leaving uncomfortable behaviours unexplained promotes speculation in your partner's mind.....best to just talk about it a bit.
What is see is our friend Damos ready to do some experiments with respect to change.
Sorry to barge in like this....
Lar
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 10:24:59
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » antigua, posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 10:00:20
Posted by Damos on April 18, 2005, at 17:27:29
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » antigua, posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 10:00:20
Hey Lar,
Feel free to barge any ol' time. Your wise counsel is always welcomed and appreciated.
Things are changing little by little, and just being here is a big part of that. Lots to be done but I've haven't given up hopin'a dn tryin'. Just tryin' to be a little better each day.
You're a good man Larry H.
Posted by Damos on April 18, 2005, at 17:34:04
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 8:42:42
LMAO, because people have been telling me my whole adult life that I should have been a counsellor or therapist of some sort. Can you imagine??????????
Am actually hoping to get qualified in Reiki or another manual therapy i.e. massage or reflexology this year or next. Realised that all that keeps me in my job (apart from paying hte bills) is the people that I care for here - not the place or what I do.
So ya gonna send me your bill now or what?
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 20:19:38
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » Susan47, posted by Damos on April 18, 2005, at 17:34:04
I didn't do anything. sheesh. I sure hope I don't get this much responsibility when I say all the wrong stuff too. Because I think that happens quite a lot. Sigh.
Posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 21:52:56
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 20:19:38
Liar, liar, pants on fire. You did more than you know. Now don't you go getting all serious on me just when I start to feel like playing. Maybe we could go and play on the swings with Alex, hmmm wonder if they have a slide or a see-saw???? Either that or I'll meet you at the library and we can share a book - your choice.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:05:07
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » Susan47, posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 21:52:56
> Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Hah...you'll do about anything to get Susan out of her pants, now won't you?
Shameful.
Bad boy.
Love ya' !!
Posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:16:33
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » Susan47, posted by damos on April 14, 2005, at 22:06:24
>>..so I push them away because they deserve better than that or they drift away cause I'm so tied in nots and too much like hard work...<<
Damos, I know I'm intruding a bit, and I hope this isn't too far out of line. But this part of what you said just pierced right to my heart and stopped me cold.
You know, there are women who are capable of loving in such a strong and centered way that they will not be pushed away. Will NOT be.
You know, there are women who can feel great empathy for *tied in knots*, and look at it not as something to be avoided, but just as another aspect to love because it's a real part of Damos.And you know, there are DEFINITELY women who would take your very human hurts, fears, and worries and relish the "hard work" as part of truly, fully, being with you. Ever hear of a labor of love?
I think you are brave and beautiful and a blessing to all of us.
Just wanted you to know.
Posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 22:27:41
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:05:07
Damn! My secret's out. I know it's an extreme option, but hey whatever it takes, and Larry did say I needed to make some changes.
The only question is "what the hell would I do then?" - Panic. Yes, get the panic out of the way early in the peace.
Posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 22:34:07
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:16:33
Thanks 10derHeart, made me cry - again. yeh I know there are and I reckon that if I keep on working on myself then the chances of meeting one improve. Working on the principle that that right person will happen across my life exactly at the moment they're meant to and not a moment before. Just trying to be the best me I can be for all the people in my life. Mind you, there's a labour of love and "cruel and unusual punishment" and I've always kinda figured myself to be in the latter category.
You're a truly beautiful person 10derHeart.
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 19, 2005, at 8:47:07
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » 10derHeart, posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 22:27:41
> Damn! My secret's out. I know it's an extreme option, but hey whatever it takes, and Larry did say I needed to make some changes.
A minor correction, my friend. I said you were ready to make changes. Need is not part of the equation.
> The only question is "what the hell would I do then?" - Panic. Yes, get the panic out of the way early in the peace.
Talk about it. Voice is a very useful route for emotional expression.
Best,
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 19, 2005, at 8:48:26
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:16:33
> >>..so I push them away because they deserve better than that or they drift away cause I'm so tied in nots and too much like hard work...<<
>
> Damos, I know I'm intruding a bit, and I hope this isn't too far out of line. But this part of what you said just pierced right to my heart and stopped me cold.
>
> You know, there are women who are capable of loving in such a strong and centered way that they will not be pushed away. Will NOT be.
>
> You know, there are women who can feel great empathy for *tied in knots*, and look at it not as something to be avoided, but just as another aspect to love because it's a real part of Damos.
>
> And you know, there are DEFINITELY women who would take your very human hurts, fears, and worries and relish the "hard work" as part of truly, fully, being with you. Ever hear of a labor of love?
>
> I think you are brave and beautiful and a blessing to all of us.
>
> Just wanted you to know.What a sweet and wonderful thing to say. You too, are brave and beautifaul and a blessing to us all.
Just wanted *you* to know.
Lar
Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 9:21:48
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 22:05:07
Yes, well, Susan doesn't need much help these days.
Do you guys know what it's LIKE to be feeling your sexuality, to be feeling really loving and open and warm, and there's no one to be with? I'll bet some of you do. Most women on the boards it seems like sex isn't an issue or if it is it's the opposite, which it has been for me, too, most of my life. .. but now I'm understanding new ways of loving myself (god that sounds so ego driven, I suppose it has to be, I don't know?) ... and I want to be reflected by someone other than me, someone who loves himself the same way, oh god does ANYBODY know what I'm talking about.
Posted by Damos on April 19, 2005, at 17:47:55
In reply to Re: In and of Itself.. Damos » damos, posted by Larry Hoover on April 19, 2005, at 8:47:07
> A minor correction, my friend. I said you were ready to make changes. Need is not part of the equation.Bugga, thought I'd got away with that slip.
> Talk about it. Voice is a very useful route for emotional expression.Getting better at it Lar, slowly
> Best,
> LarAnd to you,
Damos
Posted by 10derHeart on April 19, 2005, at 22:45:24
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » 10derHeart, posted by Larry Hoover on April 19, 2005, at 8:48:26
>What a sweet and wonderful thing to say.
I'm learning I can always count on you for this kind of comment. That's really something. I wasn't sure if what I said to Damos came out right. Apparently, it was at least good enough. I'm glad.
>You too, are brave and beautiful and a blessing to us all.
>Just wanted *you* to know.
>LarI needed that, because for several days I've had some hours each day of "shaky, stupid, ugly, and useless." Yuk. Yuk. It'll pass. My T. will be a big help tomorrow, no doubt. But you guys are just as good or better sometimes. ((Lar)) ((Damos))
Posted by 10derHeart on April 19, 2005, at 22:53:31
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » 10derHeart, posted by damos on April 18, 2005, at 22:34:07
No, no, 'cause I'm not touched, moved or drawn to "cruel and unusual punishment." Uh-uh.
That you only inflict on yourself. Hope you are kinder to Damos every day a little bit.
I keep making people cry. Sheesh. I guess it's okay for the type of tears they are, but I'd just love to make you smile instead...
I am not so beautiful this very moment. I can be. But I have some ugliness trying to gobble away at my soul right now (as I told Lar below). Trying to tell it to....as I've learned to say here...bugger off!!
Easier said than done. Feel so far away from all people tonight.
Posted by anastasia56 on April 19, 2005, at 23:58:45
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 19, 2005, at 22:53:31
sweet tenderheart you are not useless or ugly or any of those negatives you are playing on your head tape today.
i have only seen the kind, caring, compassionate tenderheart here. sweet one, give yourself a break.
ana
Posted by Damos on April 20, 2005, at 0:51:59
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 19, 2005, at 22:53:31
> No, no, 'cause I'm not touched, moved or drawn to "cruel and unusual punishment." Uh-uh.
Me neither :-)
> That you only inflict on yourself. Hope you are kinder to Damos every day a little bit.Trying to be. Actually feel like someone slipped a handfull of 'silly pills' into me water today. Feeling unusually silly and playfull today. Just what you want when you're looking at project investment models all day :-(
>
> I keep making people cry. Sheesh. I guess it's okay for the type of tears they are, but I'd just love to make you smile instead...Only ever good tears, of happiness and cleansing and of feeling cared about. If only you could see the smile the sight of your tag brings to my face each and every time I see it, and any time I think of you, your incredible kindness, caring and tender gentle nature.
> I am not so beautiful this very moment. I can be. But I have some ugliness trying to gobble away at my soul right now (as I told Lar below). Trying to tell it to....as I've learned to say here...bugger off!!Ana said it so much better than I can, as she does so many things. But believe me you are so extraordinarily beautiful in so many ways. Your soul dear lady is so full of light, love compassion, understanding, empathy and wisdom, please don't ever doubt it.
> Easier said than done. Feel so far away from all people tonight.You're in this little aussies heart now and always.
((((((((((10derHeart))))))))))
Posted by Damos on April 20, 2005, at 0:54:48
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!!, posted by anastasia56 on April 19, 2005, at 23:58:45
I'll have you know that following your tag across the boards is like collecting angels kisses.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 0:37:29
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!!, posted by anastasia56 on April 19, 2005, at 23:58:45
I like that phrase...head tape. I used to recognize it and be able to stop it sometimes or turn it way down. Then, I got so good I really did stop it for months. Just lately, it's playing again...but thanks to all you beautiful people I'm covering ears with hands and saying (loudly yet to myself), "La, la, la, I can't hear you!"
Thanks for what you wrote. I don't know what to say. It's hard to believe but I'm trying.
Not sure why you're so good to me, but I like how it feels. ((ana))
Posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 0:49:05
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » 10derHeart, posted by Damos on April 20, 2005, at 0:51:59
I think I still have a lot of doubting myself to work through. A lot. It s*cks when you realize you're having doubts about stuff you *thought* you were okay about. Especially at my age, for heaven's sake.
I know what to do. I need to print out your post, and ana's and some others from alex, gg, voce, etc., and just have them with me to read when I'm away from computer. I think that might help. It's not that I don't feel you all are *real* - I actually do. But it's that the good, encouraging things you apparently keep seeing in me slip away fast sometimes. Then IRL I can't *find* them fast enough to stop from criticizing myself.
Maybe if I get them on paper I'll believe in my heart they are true, not just in the head, which plays too many tricks...
I'll be okay, just fighting an inner battle right now. So hard to explain. May post about T. session on PBP tomorrow, and that might clarify somewhat.
((damos)) you are too nice to me. It's so amazing I'm allowed the privilege to know you. wow.
Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 9:14:41
In reply to Re: Susan GET ON THAT PLANE QUICK!!! » Damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 0:49:05
10derheart, the things we see in you don't slip away, only your perception of those things. The beautiful, kind, tender, supportive and capable person you really are is always there, you don't always feel your own power. Feel your Power, Tenderheart.
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