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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 8:05:00
At least I'd like to think so.
Harry was in increasing pain lately, so I added a steroid to his cocktail. His eye swelled all up and the vet said to stop the steroid because he had an infection. But he also gave him a physical and felt something in his tummy. He's constipated, so it could be merely that. But his blood tests came back with several not so good looking indicators. So we're clearing him out, constipation wise, and looking again on Friday.
The vet said that if he can still feel something, we'll have to make choices. I wish he hadn't mentioned the choice of doing surgery again. Now it's haunting me. Harry hasn't been well for a long time, and I can't imagine that another round of surgery is what's best for him. But since I know the vet will support any decision I make, I also know I will never know what he really really thinks of not doing more surgery. And it's this vet I trust. This is the vet that helps me get as much as I can out of my dogs without causing them harm. So I'm not sure a second opinion would reassure me. The second opinion consensus was to let him go last year after the highly undifferentiated tumor was removed, and we'd have lost some great time together.
Plus, I'm really scared to give him his medicines. They changed a lot of them yesterday, and he seemed in pain after I gave them last night. Well, ok, I'd be in pain too after mega laxative doses. But he also seemed disoriented. I'm afraid I'm going to kill him by messing up. I mean I'm really terrified. My OCD is acting up so bad that I might pack up all the meds and bring them to the vets. Except general OCD is also acting up, and driving seems scary too.
Posted by saw on October 7, 2004, at 8:14:19
In reply to Borrowing trouble, perhaps, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 8:05:00
Goodness Dinah, you must be worried. I have the fiercest love for my two dogs. They are my children and I couldn't bear for them to be ill or in pain.
I do hope Harry is resting peacefully and in less pain.
What breed of dog is he?
Sabrina
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 9:59:34
In reply to Re: Borrowing trouble, perhaps » Dinah, posted by saw on October 7, 2004, at 8:14:19
He's a toy spaniel. I'm afraid he's not doing at all well today. I brought the meds to the substitute vet, and he said they couldn't be causing his weakness or disorientation, and that I was giving the right doses.
So I'm going to try to force some Nutrical on him because he hasn't eaten in over a day. Maybe that will help.
Since he's been sick, he's spent most of his time in a baby sling around my neck while I'm home. We've gotten even closer, and I don't know what I'll do without him.
Posted by jlynne on October 7, 2004, at 10:39:17
In reply to Re: Borrowing trouble, perhaps » saw, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 9:59:34
Posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 12:07:12
In reply to Re: Borrowing trouble, perhaps » saw, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 9:59:34
Oh, Dinah, that's so sad. I hope Harry recovers from this round also, and that you have some more good time together. And if it can't work out that way, I hope that you have clarity when making decisions about what to do next. This is a tough time.
And no wonder your OCD is acting up! You've had a *lot* to deal with lately, and I would think that any coping mechanism you've ever had would be trying to kick in at this point. I hope you're able to do things to take care of yourself, too. And know that I've been thinking about you lots, even though I haven't been posting. I'm sending you many good wishes and lots of positive energy. And hugs for Harry.
pegasus
Posted by AuntieMel on October 7, 2004, at 12:38:22
In reply to Borrowing trouble, perhaps, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 8:05:00
This is so hard to answer, because I remember so vividly what it feels like. No, wait, I still feel it.
There is absolutely, no way, not even come close, no bond so special as one between a person and their four legged best friend. The love back and forth is so unconditional and so special, so no questions asked, that it just can't be fulfilled by a human.
And to see it happening, hurts so, so, much. There is such a pull on your heart - one direction hates the suffering - and the other direction is just too afraid to let go.
I can't help you - words can't do it - but I do feel it. Maybe if my feeling it can take some of the weight off......
Posted by 64bowtie on October 7, 2004, at 14:55:42
In reply to Borrowing trouble, perhaps, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 8:05:00
(((Dinah))),
(((Harry deserves a big-old hug, toooo)))
Picture how Harry's inards look. Hold that picture if possible.
Note I didn't ask you how you felt. I know you feel super crumby from what you posted. I want you to feel better. I want you to feel good about you, since your feeling bad for Harry doesn't help Harry. It does, however, make your day go badly. You won't stop helping Harry as best you can. Harry will be as thankful as he always is.
You takimg the time to picture Harry's inards, no matter how quick the flash was, gave you a chance to watch yourself draw a picture, and how, during that split second, you were "seeing past your feelings"
Rod
PS: We all love you and only want the best for you.
PPS: When I was 16, our Momma-Kitty, Lisa Jane, had a brood by the itinerant wild Manx that lived on squirrels in the 250 acre city park we lived next to. Out came Mortimer Snerd, pure black like his Mom, but polydachtile (extra toes) and no tale like his Manx Dad. Where he got long fluffy (like a Persian Cat) hair we never figured out. I got hooked big time by "Mort" as I called him. A year later he got in a tangle with a neighbors male Siamese, and got his wounds infected. I tried to nurse him as best I could but he only lasted a couple of weeks. You can tell I still miss things about him.
If I hadn't studied and asked questions and hoped for the best, he never would have lasted that long. I almost helped him turn the corner, but I just didn't know enough. But today, I'm not positive I could do better, I only GUESS that I could. Do I pause for a second and waiver in my self judgement? Never! ...and why would I waste the time (time is something precious to old guys like me).
(((Dinah))), you are made of good stuff! We can hear it in your postings. We can reflect and be confident that you are a competent and viable human being, that, we are all better off for knowing. You feel badly; I accept that. Balance that by feeling good about yourself. Suddenly clarity will replace the indecision of your OCD. Eventually the lingering uncertainties will ebb as you get better at the balancing. It has for me.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
In reply to Borrowing trouble, perhaps, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 8:05:00
I was growing increasingly scared because he still seemed disoriented, and was looking for me where I wasn't even though I let him know where I was. Plus he has that look that dogs get when they're only half here in this world and half in the next.
So even though my vet's out today, I took him to the clinic. A vet that I'm going to have immense respect and gratitude for from now on saw him, and said that it sounded as if a cyst had burst inside, causing him the acute pain, and poisons had flooded his body, causing him disorientation. It had nothing to do with the medications I had given him. He said that he had a chance, so we went ahead and chose surgery.
He did indeed have cysts, which probably caused last night's problem. But they were on a huge inoperable tumor. There was nothing they could do for him, so we put him to sleep without waking him up.
I'm so grateful to the vet for giving me time to say my last goodbye, telling Harry that he was every bit as wonderful as he always thought he was. I'm not sure how aware of me he was at that point. I'm even more grateful that his last clear memory from last night was probably that he was in pain but that (as usual) when I picked him up and he snuggled on my lap and I put my hand on his little body, that he felt comfort and peace and was able to stop shaking and fall asleep.
But my arms feel so empty and my lap so cold.
Posted by partlycloudy on October 7, 2004, at 16:55:37
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Posted by All Done on October 7, 2004, at 17:12:07
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
(((((Dinah))))),
I don't even know what to say. I'm so very sorry. I can feel your pain, but at least Harry doesn't feel his anymore.
You were a wonderful Mommy to him and trust that he always knew and felt that.
Take care,
Laurie
Posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 17:18:42
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Posted by fallsfall on October 7, 2004, at 17:20:02
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Dinah,
I'm so sorry because I know how much he meant to you.
But you also loved him, and he loved you. And it was a magical, exquisite love. You would pick him up and he would sleep in your lap - because your love was stronger than his pain.
You took such good care of him, Dinah. There could not be a more devoted and caring owner. He had a wonderful life because of you.
And you will miss him. And I'll miss him, too.
Love,
Falls.
Posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 17:46:26
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Oh, sad, sad, sad. I'm crying for you and Harry. I know he must have been a wonderful dog, the way you always talked about him. And I'm glad that you were able to comfort him last night.
I'll be thinking about you and Harry, and knowing that you're grieving. Please try to take care of yourself now, too. Losing Harry is especially hard, coming on top of all of your other recent family difficulties.
((Dinah))
pegasus
Posted by jlynne on October 7, 2004, at 18:08:29
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Dinah, my heart is breaking for you. I hope you can feel my "e"-arms around you.
(((((Dinah)))))
. . . jlynne
Posted by Jasmineneroli on October 7, 2004, at 18:57:21
In reply to Re: I lost him » Dinah, posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 17:46:26
Dinah, your post brought tears to my eyes and memories flooding back. I lost my little dog 4 years ago, she was 13, we'd rescued her from the pound when she was one.
Dogs are amazing companions, giving true, unconditional love.
I'm so glad it ended that way for Harry and you, peaceful and caring.
He'll always be part of your life. I keep thinking my dog is in the kitchen, mooching for dropped goodies during dinner preparation. It took me ages to stop expecting her to be sitting by the door when I got home.
It'll take a long time for the heartache to subside, and it won't ever really go away completely. But you will have fun and fond memories and your life was and is, richer for his presence in it.
Take very good care of yourself right now.
Hugs,
Jas
Posted by zeugma on October 7, 2004, at 19:25:27
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
> I was growing increasingly scared because he still seemed disoriented, and was looking for me where I wasn't even though I let him know where I was. Plus he has that look that dogs get when they're only half here in this world and half in the next.
>
> So even though my vet's out today, I took him to the clinic. A vet that I'm going to have immense respect and gratitude for from now on saw him, and said that it sounded as if a cyst had burst inside, causing him the acute pain, and poisons had flooded his body, causing him disorientation. It had nothing to do with the medications I had given him. He said that he had a chance, so we went ahead and chose surgery.
>
> He did indeed have cysts, which probably caused last night's problem. But they were on a huge inoperable tumor. There was nothing they could do for him, so we put him to sleep without waking him up.
>
> I'm so grateful to the vet for giving me time to say my last goodbye, telling Harry that he was every bit as wonderful as he always thought he was. I'm not sure how aware of me he was at that point. I'm even more grateful that his last clear memory from last night was probably that he was in pain but that (as usual) when I picked him up and he snuggled on my lap and I put my hand on his little body, that he felt comfort and peace and was able to stop shaking and fall asleep.
>
> But my arms feel so empty and my lap so cold.i'm so sorry dinah, there are no words to describe what i want to say... i can't type anymore, but i hope your memories of him can console you...
-z
Posted by gardenergirl on October 7, 2004, at 19:47:21
In reply to Re: I lost him » Dinah, posted by zeugma on October 7, 2004, at 19:25:27
Dinah dear,
I'm so sorry. I weep for you and for Harry. I know this is a deep loss. It sounds like you took care of him as best as you possible could, and I'm sure he always felt loved. I'm so glad you had last night and were able to say goodbye to him. I'm sure he felt you. Perhaps not in body, but definitely in spirit.You are in my thoughts and prayers.
gg
Posted by Emme on October 7, 2004, at 19:55:07
In reply to Re: I lost him » Dinah, posted by zeugma on October 7, 2004, at 19:25:27
Oh no, dear. I'm *so* very sorry. He had a great home and a wonderful life with lots of love. I hate it that humans outlive their pets. Hugs to you.
Em
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 20:04:17
In reply to ((((Dinah)))), posted by Emme on October 7, 2004, at 19:55:07
Your thoughts are much appreciated. I am so glad that I know I did everything I could, and in the end didn't have to make a decision. The vet said there was nothing to be done.
I think I'm vaguely shocky still. I'm not sure how well it's set in. We've fought so hard for so long, Harry and I, to will him to live. But I knew that he had given up, and that I had to let him go.
Thanks again everyone. He was a special little guy.
Posted by Catgirl on October 7, 2004, at 20:12:34
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Dinah,
I know the pain that you feel right now, and I sincerely feel for you. It's very hard to lose a friend. You helped him go gracefully, try to console yourself with that and all the good time you spent together.
(((((Dinah)))))Take care,
CG
Posted by daisym on October 7, 2004, at 20:14:43
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 20:04:17
I'm really, really sorry about Harry, Dinah. It makes me cry. But it sounds like you did the exact right thing and it was peaceful. Give yourself time to grieve.
We are here for you.
Daisy
Posted by bobby on October 7, 2004, at 21:20:12
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
I feel as if I knew him through your many posts.
Posted by Annierose on October 7, 2004, at 22:10:17
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
My heart goes out to you and your family.
We are thinking of you!!
Posted by fayeroe on October 7, 2004, at 22:52:27
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
*I picked him up and he snuggled on my lap and I put my hand on his little body, that he felt comfort and peace and was able to stop shaking and fall asleep.*
Dinah, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that Harry is up with Tippy and the rest of my crew and everyone is showing him much love and a huge welcome. He's watching over you and will for the rest of your life.........he'll always have the memory of being in your lap and being loved by you. pat
Posted by saw on October 8, 2004, at 1:31:50
In reply to I lost him, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2004, at 16:37:14
Oh Dinah, I am so very sorry. I cried for you and Harry. MHDSRIP.
Sabrina
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