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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Zena on June 14, 2004, at 15:49:14
In reply to Update on Sandy, posted by LynneDa on June 14, 2004, at 10:56:51
Lynne,
Thank you for the update on Sandy. I have been on vacation & the first thing I did when I got home was check on Sandy. When I saw she didn't post for quite sometime I got worried. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. Please keep us posted & thanks again.
Zena
Posted by LynneDa on June 14, 2004, at 15:53:26
In reply to update on Sandy- thanks Lynne, posted by Zena on June 14, 2004, at 15:49:14
You're welcome, I'll be calling her mom again tomorrow to see how she's doing and will let you all know!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lynne,
> Thank you for the update on Sandy. I have been on vacation & the first thing I did when I got home was check on Sandy. When I saw she didn't post for quite sometime I got worried. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. Please keep us posted & thanks again.
> Zena
Posted by spoc on June 14, 2004, at 17:32:07
In reply to Update on Sandy, posted by LynneDa on June 14, 2004, at 10:56:51
> ... Since she'd given me her last name and I knew approx. where she lives in Halifax, I was able to get her phone number pretty easily!
>
> We all need help some time in our lives, nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope she gets it. I hope she'll forgive me for sharing, but prayers are needed for her now :-). I'll keep you posted.
>
> ~ Lynne
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Lynne,I just wanted to vote for you not worrying about anything. Sandy had posted enough identifying info along the way that it was likely she could indeed be found. I think maybe that was the part of her talking that wants or knows she needs this kind of thing, as opposite of that as she may feel at other times. She seemed to want much privacy at times but the side of her that was aware that couldn't get her anywhere won out more often.
Thanks for demonstrating that exceptional compassion like yours exists! :- )
Posted by LynneDa on June 17, 2004, at 16:56:57
In reply to Re: Update on Sandy » LynneDa, posted by spoc on June 14, 2004, at 17:32:07
Thanks Zena and Spoc for your kind words!!!
She's still on a short-stay unit at a local p-hospital. I called the unit and left a message saying we're thinking about her and hope she's doing well. She didn't want to come to the phone, which I totally understood. Hopefully they'll be able to get through to her in a way that will convince her to get on a treatment plan and stick to it!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hi Lynne,
>
> I just wanted to vote for you not worrying about anything. Sandy had posted enough identifying info along the way that it was likely she could indeed be found. I think maybe that was the part of her talking that wants or knows she needs this kind of thing, as opposite of that as she may feel at other times. She seemed to want much privacy at times but the side of her that was aware that couldn't get her anywhere won out more often.
>
> Thanks for demonstrating that exceptional compassion like yours exists! :- )
>
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 0:42:12
In reply to Re: Update on Sandy » spoc, posted by LynneDa on June 17, 2004, at 16:56:57
Posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
In reply to LynneDa is an angel! (nm), posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 0:42:12
Hi everyone,
I know I promised not to post anymore, but this is not a suicidal message. *smile* I would like to thank everyone for standing by me during the past few months when I was going through one difficulty heaped upon another. You really did provide me with strength and wisdom to help me make it through to another day....even though my messages may not have conveyed that. But since I wasn't able to accept concrete help (long story about how I "tick", and I won't put you through that! Lol), we all knew that a final trigger would eventually push me over the edge. And that's exactly what happened.
I guess either PartlyCloudy or LynneDa told you that I had slit my right wrist multiple times in the early morning hours of June 14th. I had phoned the Mobile Crisis Line and they told me there wasn't much they could do because of the hour, and the next thing I remember is that I'm bleeding into the bathtub with the police banging on my apartment door. Apparently I had called 911 and hung up, but I don't remember that. In fact, I don't remember a lot about that night. Long story short, the police called the ambulance, the ER doctor committed me because he thought I would go back home and do it again, and I spent 5 days on the Short-Term Crisis Unit. I had a great team to work with me, and once I agreed to accept some help (which was a HUGE tug-of-war between my team and myself!), it has become easier to continue to accept help.
My team says that they have no doubt that I will slit my wrist again. The p-doc said that my attempts were escalating and becoming more lethal, and the next time I would die. The coping mechanisms that I've been using for the past 39 years just are not working for me anymore, so I need to find new mechanisms. I am willing to work on that. I'll be starting a 6-week Day Treatment Program in mid-August. It is a group experience, dealing with a variety of issues including relaxation, feelings, assertiveness, etc. I'm scared to death of it, but I *will* push myself. I've also been having follow-up sessions of counselling, just so I'm not left flailing on my own. My next appointment is this Thursday.
Again, thank you for believing in me and showing concern for me. I realize that my journey was rather exhausting for most of you. Like I've said before, I never would have been able to put up with someone like me....I would have been drained long before many of you were! You all have such an inner core of strength! I hope you are able to use that strength towards your own well-being. You really are all "angels".
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by mystic on July 4, 2004, at 10:30:49
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
Sandy....Thank god you have found the help that you so desperatly needed...I pray that you will be able to get through this very difficult time and live a life that will bring you happiness..peace and joy again...We are all hoping for that for ourselves and sometimes it is very difficult but as you could see there were plenty of people that were there to help you namely Jlynne and lynda they are angels and never give up we are lucky to have them....I will continue to pray for you and your health..I and everyone else I'm sure would appreciate it greatly if you would post once in a while to let us know about your progress...Your friend Mystic
Posted by gardenergirl on July 4, 2004, at 10:38:56
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
Sandy,
I can't tell you how happy I am for you. What an ordeal you have been through. I'm so glad that you were able to make the decision to accept help. I'm so glad. It sounds like you have a good plan for recovery. I wish you all the best.((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))))) big hugs!
Take care,
gg
Posted by partlycloudy on July 4, 2004, at 10:41:48
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
Sandy, your experiences have taught me a lot about myself. I am grateful that you let me stay in touch when you could have turned me and LynnDa away.
many hugs ((((SandyWeb))))
Posted by Simus on July 4, 2004, at 11:06:16
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
So glad to hear you are getting help. You do sound better. I know what it is like to push yourself through treatment, and I hope you hang in there.
jlynnes mother passed away, and she is out with her family right now. Tough time for her...
I believe LynneDa is on vacation for a few days.
But they will be glad to hear the news when they get back!
Posted by ghost on July 4, 2004, at 12:18:00
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
i'm proud of you for accepting help. that must've been a huge step. and i know what it's like to finally get to the point when you can't do anything more for yourself.
i hope the day program goes well-- i've heard good things about them, so i think you're doing the right thing.
be gentle with yourself and take care. please keep us posted, if you can,
ghost
Posted by trucker on July 4, 2004, at 13:14:39
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
sandy web... i am glad you are back.. we missed you and are glad you are recieveing help... we look forward to the new you as help will unveil a new healthy happy you!!!! GOD BLESS!!
trucker
Posted by SandyWeb on July 5, 2004, at 8:24:36
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger), posted by trucker on July 4, 2004, at 13:14:39
Hi all,
Wow, it was so nice to see all your warm messages. I was quite hesitant about posting since I wasn't sure of the reaction I would receive. Has anyone told you lately how wonderful each and every one of you are?? Even with your own difficulties, you find the compassion to still respond in a selfless manner. I'm touched by you all.
When I begin the Day Treatment Program, maybe I'll post on the Psychology board. I know I was pretty worn out from my p-doc sessions while on the Crisis Unit, so I'm not sure if I'll have the energy to post after the Program starts. But it can't possibly be as intense as those darn meetings with my "team". I'm looking forward to the Program, though. Isn't that a change from the old "Sandra"? *smile*
I wish you all the best in your own journeys. Even with all the problems this world and our inner beings throw at us, it still is a magnificent place to be. My daughter had a squirrel running up her leg for peanuts yesterday. How can that not make you smile?
Hugs to all,
Sandy
Posted by mystic on July 5, 2004, at 13:08:52
In reply to Re: Thank You, posted by SandyWeb on July 5, 2004, at 8:24:36
Sandy...You my friend sound WONDERFUL...Well just positive and optomistic about the plan and I'm so happy for you..I knew you could do it.but it was mostly jlynne and lynda that helped the most and god bless them...
The story about your daughter was just precious and that you could be touched and feel that was wonderful also...
We love you and hope that you do keep posting and letting us know your progress you have touched our lives and even though some of us lost the way to help you it wasnt because we didnt feel you could do it...Take care sandy and best of luck ...Your friend Mystic
Posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 1:12:15
In reply to Thank You..(Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
> Hi everyone,
>
> I know I promised not to post anymore, but this is not a suicidal message. *smile* I would like to thank everyone for standing by me during the past few months when I was going through one difficulty heaped upon another. You really did
>This is a wonderful outcome to a series of not so happy events. I hope you to contine making progress.
I read this and I dont think you wanted to kill yourself because you are still here. I sometimes think
about killing myself but I dont think of it further
than that. I know it is an extreme expression of
deep frustration and anger etc. But I also know
that if I reached that state of mind that means
it, I would do it and that would be that. Thats
what they say, when people really want to do it,
they do.So people dont do it and get help and start to feel better. But how long does that last for?
I feel like its all some horrible dream
that cant possibly be happening and I want
to wake up from it but I cant and so called reality
is just a toy for them to control us. They "they"
try and make the illusion bearable and oh
everything will be ok when its all lies
and you just dont know how long its gonna be
before things get really out of hand.On the other hand, the human body and psyche seems to have a remarkable resilience to endure
pain and suffering and misery. Aided by drugs
that just dull it for some time. Because we were
born into the "caste" of society that doesnt
have any power or influence and cant get it and
are just pawns in some vast scheme to extract
whatever they can from the downtrodden masses. How do you overcome your genetic heritage to break out and make your own reality that works better?!
Posted by SandyWeb on July 6, 2004, at 8:06:45
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger), posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 1:12:15
> I read this and I dont think you wanted to kill yourself because you are still here.<Oh no, John, I was perfectly willing to die that night. That being said, it also appears that I took the phone into the bathroom with me and dialed 911...of which I don't remember. And I was desparate to be dead when I heard the police pounding on my door. So even though I apparently left an opening to be "rescued", I really was trying to leave this world. I guess my conscious and subconscious had two different plans.
I think when a person finally attempts a suicide it is a last desparate cry for help. When all else fails, use a lethal means that will either take you away from it all or will demonstrate the degree of distress you are suffering in order to facilitate the offering of help (usually through being committed!). It is a LAST cry for help because you are more than willing to accept the alternative outcome of dying. And it is a DESPARATE cry for help because who is going to actually make a serious attempt on their own life unless they are overwhelmed and hopeless?
I also believe that a person doesn't just decide to kill themselves one day. I think that they have been suffering for awhile, wanting to die but just not being able to achieve that. Yes, they are not quite ready to do it yet....even though they may be talking about it and making half-hearted attempts. But one day a final trigger will arrive....and it may be a simple matter or a complex one....everybody is different. Regardless, it is the "last straw" for somebody....and that is when the point of no return is reached. It may have taken years to reach that point, or it may have taken only months. But the person finally reaches a point where the half-hearted attempts are a thing of the past, and the pain drives them to seriously attempt a suicide. For me, my thing is to cut my wrist....I would not want to die any other way. People seem to have their own ways in which they want to have the control of killing themselves....and they are not likely to attempt any other way. But with cutting your wrist, there is always the chance of being "rescued" because death is not instantaneous. Why did I call the police? I don't know. I don't know if I spoke or even when I called. I guess my subconscious, my SOUL, was not ready to give up on Sandra yet.
I've rambled enough for now. I apologize if I didn't make much sense. My brain still isn't clicking strongly yet. It's still pretty mushy from that night.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 6, 2004, at 20:35:13
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger) » JohnDoenut, posted by SandyWeb on July 6, 2004, at 8:06:45
Dear Sandy,
what a great response.
I come from a few generations of suicide attempts and one who died.
My uncle died from his wounds. He was a doctor. His DX was BP.
The attempts were all my sisters and me.
So I know first hand how painful the process is.
I thank God none of us girls accomplished it.
What a devastation it is to have a family member die like that. My grandparents NEVER got over it.
His untimely death haunts all of us as well. He was a wonderful and very loved man. We miss him terribly.
Never under estimate your importance. That kind of death sends out a ripple none of us can get over.
So Sandy, I celebrate your survival and healing direction.
Thanks for posting your thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 23:57:06
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger) » JohnDoenut, posted by SandyWeb on July 6, 2004, at 8:06:45
>call the police? I don't know. I don't know if I spoke or even when I called. I guess my subconscious, my SOUL, was not ready to give up on Sandra yet.
>Wow thats amazing and beautiful.
Oh it made sense. I understood what you said.
thanks.Crazy.
I have this thing that we are living in The Matrix.
Then I say to myself well thats an excuse to just
not accept reality. So then I say I know there is
no Matrix and I have to deal with reality but then
I say well thats just the sort of thing a Matrix would
pull, and then I think that the Matrix would know
that I know and that thus in fact there is no....You get the idea.
My brain never clicks that strongly anymore.
Must be all the drugs. Prescription that is.
:)Hope youre doin ok.
J
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 7, 2004, at 8:47:13
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger) » SandyWeb, posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 23:57:06
I think the first Matrix movie was one of the best and most spiritual movies I have seen in a long time.
I too see there is a mystery to life.We apprear to be one thing and then can become another even more authentic version of our selves.
I live to grow and change...
Posted by SandyWeb on July 7, 2004, at 11:58:21
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger), posted by Jai Narayan on July 6, 2004, at 20:35:13
I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle. Undoubtedly he was suffering a great deal of distress to take his own life. This world of ours can certainly be a cruel game to play sometimes.
I can only speak from my own experience of attempting, and I've never been in the position of being a survivor of somebody's suicide, but I know that I had thoughts of my family beforehand. If your Uncle was anything like me, he probably had already rationalized within his mind that his family would do fine with his absence. I didn't necessarily have the thoughts of, "They're better off without me." Rather, my thoughts were along the lines of, "They will be fine when I'm gone." I had a lot of confidence in the strength of my family. Your Uncle probably did not have the motive of punishing his family through years of heartache. He may have believed in the resiliency of his loving family, much as I still believe in mine.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on July 7, 2004, at 12:11:17
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger) » SandyWeb, posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 23:57:06
I've never seen the movie, "The Matrix". I'm not quite sure if I understand the dynamics of your message in relation to a matrix, but maybe you are talking about how our world and selves can change from one experience to another?? I could be way off base here.
In terms of my serious attempt, I have to say that I have "exorcised" one demon for the time being...but it has been replaced by another. I am not longer suicidal. I am at a place now where I have hope, and I will try to incorporate new coping techniques into my lifestyle. I feel good today, and I hope to continue along this path.
However, I have another demon to fight now. Even though I am not suicidal, I still want to cut my wrist again. Why? Because my thwarted attempt amounts to another failure within my mind. The plan I had for myself....the control I had over my own decision....did not pan out. I did not achieve what I set out to do, and that smacks of a lifetime of ambitions that I tend to fail at.
I understand that my thinking is warped...I recognize that...but it doesn't change the fact that I have these thoughts. More to the point, I will act on these thoughts unless I find a way to achieve some notable successess that will outweigh the suicide failure. Very warped thinking, yes. But I'm not sure how to escape from it. I had a tremendous amount of control over this event because it was MY OWN BODY....and even with that, I failed. But did I really fail, since my soul reached out for help through the telephone line? It's a tough one to answer.
I'm sorry if I completely am off base here. I'm not sure what is meant by a "matrix". I guess I should watch the movies, huh? *smile*
Here's hoping our brains stop being so mushy!!! Lol!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by partlycloudy on July 7, 2004, at 12:40:17
In reply to Re: (Trigger) » JohnDoenut, posted by SandyWeb on July 7, 2004, at 12:11:17
>I had a tremendous amount of control over this event because it was MY OWN BODY....and even with that, I failed. But did I really fail, since my soul reached out for help through the telephone line? It's a tough one to answer.
>
Sandy, I don't think we can isolate body from brain from soul - it was Sandy getting her precious life the help it needed - and still needs. So I would not see it at all as a failure that you did not succeed in cutting; rather, it was a very basic and instinctive part of you which realised the danger you were in, and called out for help. To me it illustrates that you - the whole you - does not want to carry this out. You do need a new definition of success versus failure; this is something I struggle with also in every facet of my life.> I'm sorry if I completely am off base here. I'm not sure what is meant by a "matrix". I guess I should watch the movies, huh? *smile*
>
It's worth it JUST to see Keanu Reeves!!!!! I had to watch it twice to figure out the story, though.Peace,
partycloudy
Posted by JohnDoenut on July 7, 2004, at 13:05:59
In reply to Re: (Trigger) » JohnDoenut, posted by SandyWeb on July 7, 2004, at 12:11:17
> I've never seen the movie, "The Matrix". I'm not quite sure if I understand the dynamics of your message in relation to a matrix, but maybe
>Ok for those who dont want the secret premise of the movie ruined then dont read this paragraph.
The premise of the movie is that what we percieve
to be reality is in fact a sensory controlled
computer program. Humans are grown by machines and
planted in cases that physically plug them into this matrix. There are only a few people that have "woken"
up to discover this and work to free other humans
that are enslaved in the matrix.Therefore a "Matrix" reference to reality is
that we are living in some sort of illusion
that we cant get out of.>new coping techniques into my lifestyle. I feel good today, and I hope to continue along this path.
>Thats great. It is possible to feel good and continue on this way. When we feel bad it helps
to remember that at some point we can feel good again.
>mind. The plan I had for myself....the control I had over my own decision....did not pan out. I did not achieve what I set out to do, and that smacks of a lifetime of ambitions that I tend to fail at.
>I think a lot of people feel this way and I am
going through something like that now.
I dont know if the following makes sense but
it is something I have thought about.
Buddhist thought says that the reason people are
in pain and misery is because of their desires.
Desires for things material but also spiritual.
They believe that by removing the desire you
are free of the pain. Then at that point you
can do something that comes from a place of
your own greater truth. And there is more
to it but I dont want to ramble on.
> I understand that my thinking is warped...IActually its not. Its a process that is working itself out.
You just need to live long enough to do that! :)>from it. I had a tremendous amount of control over this event because it was MY OWN BODY....and even with that, I failed. But did I really fail, since my soul reached out for help through the telephone line? It's a tough one to answer.
>This is brilliant insight into your mind! !
And how a lot of people feel and why they attempt
this. You could say that you suceeeded in more ways
than one because you excersized control in
two ways, first the attempt, then the call.
You controlled it all and then gave it up
temporarily so that you could recover and
get better. Sometimes we have to reach a bottom
before we can rise up again.
> Hugs,
>
> Sandy
>Hugs to you too!
JohnD
Posted by trucker on July 7, 2004, at 13:49:31
In reply to Re: (Trigger) » SandyWeb, posted by JohnDoenut on July 7, 2004, at 13:05:59
to all
i found that if we speak positive to ourselves -
we grow happy and healthy!!!if someone is continuly saying (for instants) your fat, your ugly, your worthless, your what ever that negative statement is, well if they say it often enough it demeaners us and eventually we get lower and lower... to where we feel like the statements that surround us!!!
so my reverse for that is...
****get a tape player*****
and speak into it positive things... over and over.. such as you are so useful, energtic, helpful, any thing positive you can think of...the exact opposite of the way you feel.. or what others have said about you...
put it in phrases such as "YOU ARE" AND THEN PLAY THIS TO YOUR SELF AS YOU SLEEP, ON ONE OF THOSE TAPE PLAYERS THAT FLIPS ITSSELF ALL NIGHT LONG...nothing to be afraid of because it is you speaking to your self. this reprograms your subconcious into positive thinking and then it will change your concious mind to a positive healthy manor.... try this.. it really worksi was told all my life that mommy was taking birth control when i was conceived.. (not wanted) then i was abused all my life..i was also told i was fat, ugly, worthless,a waist of time, etc... you get the picture!!! welll i did this and i reprogramed me to thinking that i am ok and mommy had a screw loose!!! and i now feel worthy, happy, healthy, and i have been kicked while i was down so to speak too.. so then you revert to the reprogramming again... all things are possible... this way and esp.. if you have JESUS!
Posted by Simus on July 7, 2004, at 14:00:02
In reply to Re: (Trigger), posted by trucker on July 7, 2004, at 13:49:31
Powerful concept, Trucker!!! Might I add that you don't even have to believe these positive things about yourself at the time you say them. But say them anyway. Do it even if it "feels" stupid at the time.
Simus
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