Posted by SandyWeb on July 6, 2004, at 8:06:45
In reply to Re: Thank You..(Trigger), posted by JohnDoenut on July 6, 2004, at 1:12:15
> I read this and I dont think you wanted to kill yourself because you are still here.<Oh no, John, I was perfectly willing to die that night. That being said, it also appears that I took the phone into the bathroom with me and dialed 911...of which I don't remember. And I was desparate to be dead when I heard the police pounding on my door. So even though I apparently left an opening to be "rescued", I really was trying to leave this world. I guess my conscious and subconscious had two different plans.
I think when a person finally attempts a suicide it is a last desparate cry for help. When all else fails, use a lethal means that will either take you away from it all or will demonstrate the degree of distress you are suffering in order to facilitate the offering of help (usually through being committed!). It is a LAST cry for help because you are more than willing to accept the alternative outcome of dying. And it is a DESPARATE cry for help because who is going to actually make a serious attempt on their own life unless they are overwhelmed and hopeless?
I also believe that a person doesn't just decide to kill themselves one day. I think that they have been suffering for awhile, wanting to die but just not being able to achieve that. Yes, they are not quite ready to do it yet....even though they may be talking about it and making half-hearted attempts. But one day a final trigger will arrive....and it may be a simple matter or a complex one....everybody is different. Regardless, it is the "last straw" for somebody....and that is when the point of no return is reached. It may have taken years to reach that point, or it may have taken only months. But the person finally reaches a point where the half-hearted attempts are a thing of the past, and the pain drives them to seriously attempt a suicide. For me, my thing is to cut my wrist....I would not want to die any other way. People seem to have their own ways in which they want to have the control of killing themselves....and they are not likely to attempt any other way. But with cutting your wrist, there is always the chance of being "rescued" because death is not instantaneous. Why did I call the police? I don't know. I don't know if I spoke or even when I called. I guess my subconscious, my SOUL, was not ready to give up on Sandra yet.
I've rambled enough for now. I apologize if I didn't make much sense. My brain still isn't clicking strongly yet. It's still pretty mushy from that night.
Hugs,
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/363413.html