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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 10:38:20
In reply to Fallen, posted by jlynne on March 30, 2004, at 23:59:23
I know :) I am waiting and wondering too but if she finally went to ER and stays in the hospital forsay a week...you will be on tired cowgirl not going to bed and all :-)
hugs
Posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 10:44:57
In reply to Re: Fallen/jlynne » jlynne, posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 10:38:20
I'm doing okay. I am just posting while I get ready for work. (I'm on Pacific time) Have to leave in a few minutes. Hope she's okay. Hope she went to the hospital.
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 15:53:13
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 9:49:26
I'm still here.
Just nothing much to say anymore.
Sandy
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 18:12:41
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 15:53:13
Sandy I am so glad you are here.,..though I wish you were in the hospital or seeing a pdoc....but glad youre OK lol now Jlynne can get some sleep..shes nice.. I dont see her posts on HER...Why is that Jlynne ? Sandy I know you left cause of your kids safety but where did you go..I tend to stay cause of the dependancy on cash hubby brings in
Posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 19:49:35
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 15:53:13
Hey, Sandy . . . good to hear your ["e"] voice again. I understand your not feeling like writing right now; you're probably pretty exhausted - in every way, huh?
I just got off work, sweetie, and I'm going to go fix myself something to nibble on, okay? Write, if you feel like it, and I will write again a little later.
Back in a bit:~)
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 19:55:06
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 18:12:41
>I dont see her posts on HER...Why is that Jlynne ?
>
Hey, Fallen I get around . . . you will find me farther up in Psycho Social, under "Redirected Lexaproers", and in Psycho Babble under "Alcohol and Lexapro".Talk to you later - I'm hungry!
...jlynne
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 20:04:13
In reply to Fallen, posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 19:55:06
Ah cool I will look for you when I go to med threads I dont go there often....I may pick your brain on lex too
HUGS
Posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 20:25:28
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 19:49:35
jlynne,
I just wanted to tell you that I have appreciated your concern.
Please don't bother posting to me anymore because I truly won't see it.
I've discovered that my postings have not been appropriate for these boards, and that I've caused problems for people.
So along with everything else that has happened the last few days....I've also lost all credibility with the police department and members' tolerance levels on these boards.
I want you to know that you are a GREAT lady. You did everything that you could have done. Your clients are very blessed to have you on their side. Don't second-guess yourself. It's not a bad thing to reach out to someone. I am grateful. It would have been nice to meet you one day. But I'm at peace with my choice tonight. April Fool's was made for just such a fool as me, eh? *smile*
Take wonderful care of yourself, hun. I loved the (((soft strokes))). I didn't get too many of them during my marriage, so every little bit of human touch is so very much treasured. Thank you for thinking of me.
You will be fine, "jlynne". Please don't give me another thought, and continue living your life as the beautiful soul that you are.
Thank you again, sweetie.
Hugs and God bless you,
Sandy
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 20:33:14
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 20:25:28
Sandy if you are referring to my post on the confusion of why some posts of a very serious nature are on here and not on the psychology section in Babble please know that doesnt mean I dont care about you and am less than genuine..If OTHERS have issues with your thread...why not start one in psychology with a trigger warning...and go there...This is NOT the only thread I find odd in here...I see many and thus do not post or start posts myself in here cause its an odd vague area.....I care about you and hope you keep posting and get some help..I am mostly on the psych board in here.
Posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 20:51:12
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 20:25:28
>>
> I've discovered that my postings have not been appropriate for these boards, and that I've caused problems for people.
>
>Hey, sweetie . . . that's why we created THIS thread - - remember?? No more talk about being inappropriate, see? These boards are for mutual support, and if someone doesn't like our subject matter, they don't have to read it. I have read other posts on this board that I can't really relate to, but I just don't go there when that's the case.
Supporting each other is what this place is all about - we don't all relate to everyone else here, but the ones who do relate to a certain person are the ones who respond to that person.
I'm staying here for you, Sandy. I would like you to stay, too. It's not like we are intruding on someone else's space - this our thread, and everyone can see that. And, now, we have a new friend - a great friend, Fallen4T.
Sorry I ran on, but I feel very strongly about what I said.
((((HUGS)))) ((((Strokes)))) ((((Tissues))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 21:32:25
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 20:51:12
jlynne,
This is ridiculous.
Anyways, I've decided that I won't do anything afterall. A steak knife and me visited in the bathroom for over an hour, and a few cuts later, I walked away from it. I didn't really want to die sitting on my toilet.
I am, however, going to leave this board. I really had no intention of ever coming back because I was going to go to a park tonight. Heck, I've even got my longjohns and heavy socks ready in the washroom to get dressed. But, I'm going to go to bed instead.
I'm still not coming back to the board, though. I'm not well....and I don't want to hamper anyone's recovery. I appreciate the thread, but I'm not good for you guys.
And I really, really can't handle anyone's criticisms or belittlements right now.
Thanks for the friendship, both you and Fallen!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 21:36:24
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 21:32:25
Sandy I will miss you and hope you come back...IF I criticised you in any way it really wasnt meant that way...I will be praying for you and looking for you in case you change your mind and come back someday just to chat even.....God bless
Posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 21:38:36
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 31, 2004, at 21:32:25
I hope you will reconsider. . . You're not hampering my recovery - I've been around too long for that.
I'm glad you changed your mind about the knife today.
Are you off your meds now?
I am still here; not going anywhere.
((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 0:12:49
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on March 31, 2004, at 21:38:36
Sandy, I don't know what you read that hurt your feelings so badly, but please believe me, it is ok for you to discuss your feelings here. There have been a lot of posts on the board lately that some people might have a hard time with (including some of mine, if you have been reading them). Life is not a proverbial "bowl of cherries" - and this board wouldn't be of much use if we just posted the "nice" stuff, now, would it?
Hang in there, kid . . . if we get kicked off, we go together - okay? (But, as long as we are civil, that's not going to happen, sweetie.)
I will be going to bed soon (mmmm . . . jersey sheets - have you been following the saga of the sheets?)
Remember, I am on Pacific time, so I won't be up as early as you in the morning.
((((HUGS)))) ((((((((Strokes)))))))) ((((lullabies))))
..jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 1:44:50
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 0:12:49
jlynne,
You make me smile. *big goofy smile* SEE?
I feel like such a doofus, though.....because here I am again, after just saying that I wasn't coming back to this board. But I have nowhere else to go. What's that say about me?
It is now 3:20am, and I still can't get to sleep. I am getting so tired of not being able to sleep. It's a darn good thing that I'm not still attending classes because I don't think I've gotten 2 winks since I left las t week. How long can a person go without sleep before they go psycho? Oops....already there!!! Lol!
I really feel like I'm going to lose it.
I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it.
Well, at least I ate something yesterday. I had a whole slice of chicken lasagna. Of course, it came out as quickly as it went in.....I don't think my bowels know what to do with food anymore.
Oh, and yes....I'm off the meds. And I don't have a pdoc or therapist. I just have a regular doc that I've been seeing for the past year, when I began to have anxiety issues in January 2003. We've run of gamut of meds, and we don't really know what we're doing. Nothing really works, though.....as you can tell.
My wrist itches from those cuts tonight. The ones on my arm don't itch, though. Good. I don't like knives. I felt like I was sawing into a piece of steak or something!
Oh gosh, I'm losing it. You know, I just want to disappear. Just close my eyes and disappear. I was having one of the BEST weeks I had had in YEARS and YEARS. Both my kids went to Grammie and Grampie's for March Break, and this was the first time that I had a few days to myself since I was 18 years old!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 years since I've had some alone time. It was so good to just have some time for ME. And then....da da da doom....Friday comes along with finding out that I can't continue with my education....ever. So I went from HIGH to LOW.....and the LOW just keeps getting worse with each passing day. Jeepers. What, did I break a mirror or something? Lol! How can so many bad things happen at once? Ugh.
I know I can't get to sleep.....but I want off of this computer.
I'm exhausted from pretending to my kids that I'm still me. They want to talk, they want to be around me, they want to watch tv. I'm starting to snap at them simply because I only want to sit in the chair and stare at the wall.....but I can't do that....I have to pretend that life is normal. I am losing it.
And on that note (lol!), I'm going to hit the pillows again. I'm not tired, though. Maybe I'll play with my toes! Hee hee!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 10:22:06
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 1:44:50
Good morning, Sandy. Glad you came back:~)
I need to get ready for work, but I wanted to give you a phone number for a helpline that I found in the internet yellow pages for your province. Might be worth dialing? The listing is under Social Services, or something similar and it is just listed as "Helpline".
The number is: 902-422-2048. They might be all wet, but they could very well have some good direction for you to try.
[If it turns out to be a dud, you can blame me]
You could try writing out what you would say to them, so that it won't sound strange when you say it out loud. You wouldn't have to spill your guts right off the bat, you know; you could kind of feel them out for what kind of help they can connect you with.
You can do this, Sandy. Pretend you are calling me:~)
You can even tell them that "a friend" suggested that you call them.
Or, maybe you already know a better place to call? Maybe your doctor? Or, maybe not - just a suggestion, love.
You're not alone, Sandy. And it is good that you came back.
Baby steps, baby - okay? One at a time:~)
((((HUGS)))) ((((Soft strokes))))
...jlynne
P.S. Do you think you could drink some chocolate milk? or Carnation Instant Breakfast?
Posted by simus on April 1, 2004, at 16:22:21
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 10:22:06
Sandy,
Have you called the number of the church I gave you? I think they are only about 6 miles from you. If you asked me to, I would call them for you myself on your behalf. I know they would either come to visit you, or give you a ride to church.
Posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 16:36:37
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 10:22:06
Hi jlynne,
I actually phoned the Helpline this morning, before I even received your email. We must be sisters! Lol.
Well, the Helpline was a dud. The girl appeared to only be about 17-years old, and even though she kept trying to keep me on the phone, I finally just had to tell her that I was hanging up. We really weren't getting anywhere, and I don't think she got it. Oh well, never hurts to try.
I also did something else today. I walked over to the ER. I was almost hyper-ventilating as I was getting closer, but then when I got to the doors....I couldn't go in. I sat outside for an hour, and then realized that there was absolutely no way I was going to get myself through those doors...let alone tell anyone that I'm suicidal. I then walked over to a park and sat in the sun for awhile, feeling like bawling.
So I did try today, I really did. But I can't do this by myself. It's just not going to happen. I felt like whatever hope there MAY have been was just extinguished now. I can't get myself any help. And even if I could, what does it really matter. It doesn't change one thing about my future.
Well, some people just don't make it. Trigger, trigger. I can't live anymore.
It is the most ridiculous thing. I fought all of my adult life to come to this?
I don't think I even have to wait until the 6th now. In fact, the girl at the Helpline even said that wouldn't be a good birthday present for my kids.
I am so sick of this whole thing. I really don't want to post here anymore. But my life doesn't consist of much more than being on the computer now. But I don't want to talk about myself anymore. I'm fed up with me.
And, no....I'm not drinking a lot of fluids either. I just don't have much of an appetite. But a chocolate milk does sound good. Must be the choco-holic in me! Lol!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 1, 2004, at 17:30:09
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 16:36:37
Sandy i don't know if youre upset with me or what but I wanted to say...I care and Jlynne cares a LOT for you its soooo obvious..Please you fought to keep that creep of an EX away from your kids this IF you do it....would be as bad if not worse for your kids.....You loved those kids enough to spare them the aweful way the hubby treated you and think about the mental scars you would leave on them....it would be worse...NOW A PLUS is you did go...and were tense but you tried and made calls and went almost to ER..a few steps at a time and you'll be inside..I wish i lived by you cause I WOULD go take you as your friend to er and help you go on and sit with you till you were admitted....I know what abuse is...my husband IS abusive and you know, the stuff that hurts MORE is the mental crap they dump on you...a slap or punch fades as do the bruises but the scar from a mental/emotional wound doesnt heal when it cuts so deep. YOUR KIDS deserve a mom who stays alive and not to bear the guilt ..so dont do it...Its simply OFF your to do list...call more numbers, go to ER hourly if till you CAN go in...and or ask your oldest to go with you....anything than hurt them worse than he could have.......
Posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 20:07:25
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 16:36:37
Hey, sis . . . that is funny that we both came up with the same phone number, and me clear over here on the other side of the continent! LOL
You did a lot today, sweetie . . . you took some scary steps. Maybe you need to try and look at yourself from a different perspective now - like, maybe you're not really looking for a way to end your life; maybe you are really looking for a way to *save* your life??
I mean, this all seems like a big failure to you, right? Maybe you just can't see a way past it? and maybe you just can't figure how to face the people you care about with it, huh?
What do you think might happen when they find out about your secret? If we can get that out of the way, maybe we can set aside the idea of suicide, and start thinking about how to get through this, eh?
I am sure willing to support you with that, Sandy.
((((HUGS)))) ((((Strokes)))) ((((Smiles)))) ((((Chocolate))))
...jlynne
p.s. you know, I have heard of the term "death by chocolate!" LOL
Posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 12:19:01
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 20:07:25
Hey, Sandy . . . I'm still here:~)
Working at home today. I have an office set up here; connected to main office by computer network - - lucky me, huh? (not this computer, tho . . . this one's mine, so I have to check my posts on my breaks, okay?)
[I'm still in my robe, but the clients can't tell over the phone, so what the hey??] Mostly record keeping today, though - argh!
Did you find some chocolate last night?
((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 22:53:46
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 12:19:01
Posted by spoc on April 3, 2004, at 12:52:18
In reply to Miss you, sweetie! (nm), posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 22:53:46
Hi jlynne, I'm pretty new here and have decided maybe I should have been stating that and saying 'Hello!' when I barge in! So, 'hello,' and may I compliment you on your big heart? Anyway, I wanted to remind you and SandyWeb -- in case she is still reading -- of the possibility that if it is the only thing that will make her comfortable, she can come back with a new nickname. I know that's not what you'd ideally want to happen, but at least that way she can still have the board to interact with, and have the chance to decide what approach will be right for her, so that she can partake of the good things it has to offer and yet not end up feeling about herself as she has now. That may be better than giving up this source of 'companionship' completely...?
Posted by jlynne on April 3, 2004, at 14:36:36
In reply to Re: Miss you, sweetie! » jlynne, posted by spoc on April 3, 2004, at 12:52:18
Hey, Sandy . . . looks like I'm not the only one who wants you to come back, eh?
Thank you for the idea, Spoc.
Sandy, what do you think? Gonna come back? [Although, the way everyone's been posting lately, it has been kind of *depressing* around here] LOL
I saw on another thread that someone else is planning an 'e' birthday party tomorrow. Maybe we could do that, too, on your birthday - the 6th, right?
We could each get some ice cream and cake, put on our party hats, put on some streamin' oldies (well, that's for me - you can choose your own music), dress up/dress down/get naked - whatever - and PARTY DOWN! What do you think, sweetie??
I miss you, Sandy. Please, talk to me.
((((soft strokes)))) ((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 3, 2004, at 17:48:31
In reply to Re: Miss you, sweetie! » spoc, posted by jlynne on April 3, 2004, at 14:36:36
Cool idea can I come to the party LOW CARB ICE CREAM BARS FOR ME.....? Yes SHE did say the 6th,,,and GREAT idea Spoc..I miss her too Jlynne
HUGS ALL
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