Posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 1:44:50
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 0:12:49
jlynne,
You make me smile. *big goofy smile* SEE?
I feel like such a doofus, though.....because here I am again, after just saying that I wasn't coming back to this board. But I have nowhere else to go. What's that say about me?
It is now 3:20am, and I still can't get to sleep. I am getting so tired of not being able to sleep. It's a darn good thing that I'm not still attending classes because I don't think I've gotten 2 winks since I left las t week. How long can a person go without sleep before they go psycho? Oops....already there!!! Lol!
I really feel like I'm going to lose it.
I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it, I am losing it.
Well, at least I ate something yesterday. I had a whole slice of chicken lasagna. Of course, it came out as quickly as it went in.....I don't think my bowels know what to do with food anymore.
Oh, and yes....I'm off the meds. And I don't have a pdoc or therapist. I just have a regular doc that I've been seeing for the past year, when I began to have anxiety issues in January 2003. We've run of gamut of meds, and we don't really know what we're doing. Nothing really works, though.....as you can tell.
My wrist itches from those cuts tonight. The ones on my arm don't itch, though. Good. I don't like knives. I felt like I was sawing into a piece of steak or something!
Oh gosh, I'm losing it. You know, I just want to disappear. Just close my eyes and disappear. I was having one of the BEST weeks I had had in YEARS and YEARS. Both my kids went to Grammie and Grampie's for March Break, and this was the first time that I had a few days to myself since I was 18 years old!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 years since I've had some alone time. It was so good to just have some time for ME. And then....da da da doom....Friday comes along with finding out that I can't continue with my education....ever. So I went from HIGH to LOW.....and the LOW just keeps getting worse with each passing day. Jeepers. What, did I break a mirror or something? Lol! How can so many bad things happen at once? Ugh.
I know I can't get to sleep.....but I want off of this computer.
I'm exhausted from pretending to my kids that I'm still me. They want to talk, they want to be around me, they want to watch tv. I'm starting to snap at them simply because I only want to sit in the chair and stare at the wall.....but I can't do that....I have to pretend that life is normal. I am losing it.
And on that note (lol!), I'm going to hit the pillows again. I'm not tired, though. Maybe I'll play with my toes! Hee hee!
Hugs,
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040331/msgs/331158.html