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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 14:01:32
In reply to Dinah » Dinah, posted by muffled on September 29, 2007, at 10:05:59
I'm glad about your son. I'm doing fairly well with mine, for no reason I can fathom. It seems I have been such a b*tch lately that he should feel worse about me.
My husband has said he doesn't want to hear the things I'm saying. I can't blame him, on the one hand. But on the other, if it were him, I'd listen.
My therapist has many fine and useful qualities I'm sure, but sliding scales and seeing me for less than his usual fee is not one of them. Not even after all this time. If I ran low on money, I'd run low on him.
I never came out and asked him. But he's answered anyway.
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 14:05:18
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » Dinah, posted by MidnightBlue on September 29, 2007, at 13:25:28
I just got my social security statement in (that's one reason I'm feeling trapped and frantic), and it says I do qualify. I've been working, at this job, for over twentyfive years. :(
A leave of absence... I'll have to give that thought. On the one hand, my office just doesn't work that way. But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure they'd take me back. I'll have to think about it. I'm not good at change. Not even good change.
Posted by twinleaf on September 29, 2007, at 16:47:01
In reply to Re: memories of Menningers » twinleaf, posted by RealMe on September 29, 2007, at 13:41:30
That was so interesting- about Menningers', and what it was like for you. Thanks for the book reference- I think I'll see if I can find a copy.
I think strict boundaries help patients a lot- you can express lots of very painful and powerful stuff, and know that they will just be there, with all the same behaviors in place. Going over the time, or hugging or touching would bother me a lot.
My former analyst went over the boundaries in a lot of little ways- inviting me to musical events (we both like singing chorale music), and conferences he was engaged in, showing me photos of flowers he had taken on mountain holidays (I am an amateur botanist who has been going recently to places like Iceland, Svalbard and Turkey to photograph flowers). And yes, my new analyst thinks that he probably did develop sexual feelings towards me, couldn't tolerate them, and dealt with them by becoming angry and abusive. The strange thing is that I never had any sexual feelings for that analyst, at all, although I'm finding that I do for the new one! I haven't mentioned that at all yet (to the new one), but, when I do, I know he'll be very steady- neither seductive nor rejecting.
So you have, most likely, zeroed in on the real reason for his crazy behaviour- only a psychologically-trained person like you would know such a thing. Because I didn't have any similiar feelings, it honestly never crossed my mind.
Posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2007, at 22:42:35
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » MidnightBlue, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 14:05:18
Dinah you really do have to keep working on your diabetes as it is a serious disease. I know you know this. maybe some time off would give you time with the pup and allow you to see if maybe parttime might be the ticket for you. Your family needs you more than a job. Priorities. Your health number one. And I know you know I care. Phillipa
Posted by RealMe on September 29, 2007, at 23:51:15
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 8:56:06
I doubt your doctors think you are a hypochondiac though I understand. I just got checked today for diabetes as my neurologist said I have peripheal neuropathy in mostly on the left side, my feet. I think since then it has progressed. If it is not diabetes, then it may well be related to the horrible pain I have in my lower back. I also get numb on the outside of my hands and down into my little fingers. I am afraid ECT screwed with my spine, and I need to get back to my neurosurgeon. He was really pissed they did not consult with him before the ECT. It has been two years since the two cervical spine surgeries, and two years since I got injections in my lower spine. Now I feel like I am back to square one with pain. Plus the pulmonary stuff is iffy, it seems. I have been coughing up blood again on and off. I keep thinking, should I contact my pulmonary doctor or not. He said only if it lasts more than three days which it does not. I still need surgery on my left thumb for the basal joint. Right thumb basal joint surgery almost a year ago, plus I had to have my turbinates zapped again this year so I could use my CPAP machine for the damn sleep apnea. Sounds like the doctor today is concerned about my cholesteral too. Oh, and I have cataracts now too. Lets see, what else,nothing new; went through early menopause in my 30s. That is old news. Oh, and I have GERD now too. I thought I was having a heart attack because the pain was in my chest and neck and jaw. Cardiac cath showed good arteries; yeah some good news. But the COPD, sleep apnea, and GERD go hand in hand. And I have hypertension now too. So, believe me I find it a struggle every day to go to work, but I have to as I need the good insurance so I can go to the doctors of my choosing. Catch-22. Besides I don't think I could handle being home with my husband every day. He early retired after he had a heart attack several years ago. They have found he has the genetic marker for cardiovascular disease. Never mind he has low bp and low cholesteral. Doesn't matter if you have the genetic marker.
So why might we get depressed. HAH. That's a joke. I feel I am in a physical disaster zone, and I try not to think about it and don't unless the pain gets up to an 8 or 9. Today I could barely get out of bed. Stress; yes that will do it too. So, please take care of yourself and rest this weekend. Look who is talking. Well at least I am sitting down as I do my reports. I was just too exhausted to do them during the week.
RealMe
Posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:04:37
In reply to Re: Hearing Ts give presentations » twinleaf, posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 21:21:02
> GEES; I will go with you to the conference, and we can sit in the front row and just stare at him, rather glare at him.
That's exactly what I was thinking! And maybe if there are Q and A after, we could ask him what the therapeutic benefit of screaming "Get out!" is.
sheesh.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:13:56
In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Dinah on September 28, 2007, at 22:42:38
> and thank you. I really appreciate all your thoughts.
>
> My blood sugar's been a bit off since my binge, and I had a mild ear infection. Plus the constant stimulation of the puppy and the usual work stress made worse by the fact that it's been so hard for me to work when I'm sick.Sounds like a lot going on. And if the puppy's not sleeping through the night enough, that sleep deprivation adds to the cost.
>
> But I think I'm beginning to realize that my experiences with the puppy are also bringing up a lot of feelings from my adolescence. Not so nice feelings. Feelings I'm ashamed of. My therapist says you don't have to feel ashamed of feelings, and I know I say that to others. But it's hard to apply to myself.I know that one. I wish we could listen to ourselves and hear it the way we say it to others. Maybe it just needs the right amount of repetition, experiences, circumstances, and some other mysterious something to come together at the right time. But try to remember that shame comes originally from outside values, and feelings are internal experiences. Without the meaning attached from what we've internalized from our culture, there'd be no shame. So it's an arbitrary thing to some extent. Okay, enough "psychologizing" (the word my b-i-l likes to use that both offends me and makes me giggle at him).
(((((Dinah))))
>
> I told my therapist today that I ought to quit seeing him for at least a while, because I just can't seem to remember who he is to me. And he said that even if I couldn't remember who he is to me, that he could still *be* who he is to me until I remember. And that I will remember. I always remember. I'm trying to think that through. It somehow felt warm.That's a great and caring response. I'm glad it felt warm, and I have confidence you'll find your way back again.
Take care of yourself, please, Dinah. You're important to me.
gg
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 0:19:50
In reply to Re: Hearing Ts give presentations, posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:04:37
Oh gg; I have been feeling like such sh*t today, and your post here put a smile on my face. Oh now I can go to bed and not cry. Thanks.
RealMe
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 10:44:48
In reply to Re: memories of Menningers » RealMe, posted by twinleaf on September 29, 2007, at 16:47:01
Twinleaf, I probably should post this in a new thread, but I don't know how to move things. Yes, your analyst violated boundaries quite a bit it sounds like. My current analyst presented at a conference I attended, but I was signed up for the conference before I ever knew him or knew I was going to see him. So, I was extremely comfortable with going. He was kind, as we had only met twice before the conference, and his saying good I have someone to cheer me on eased my anxiety.
My therapist at Menninger's was my hospital doctor when I was inpatient, and I had an analyst for therapy. I knew nothing about him other than he was born in Egypt. When the President of Egypt died in the early 80's, and I can't remember his name (thank you ECT), I offered condolences, and he said nothing. I felt weird.
My hospital doctor used to push me and other patients to watch opera, and he thought it was funny when we would go ich. I watched once and decided it wasn't for me, but I know it was big for him. I also knew from staff that he was married and had no children and had a cat. Beyond that I knew noting about him. So as I was making the transition to leave the hospital and was already working at a job while still a patient, I asked if I could have him for my therapist as I felt I had gotten no where with my analyst. I could never understand him due to his thick accent, and he said so little, obviously. I learned later from my records that he saw me as manipulative in the sense that I was always trying to get him to talk, say something, anything.
I needed someone who would say something. So, when I asked my hospital doctor to see me, of course they had to have a big case conference with my hospital doctor, my analyst, an analyst who the therapist for a group I was in, and of course a consultant who had consulted on my case throughout the time in the hospital. They decided Yes to seeing my hospital doctor for therapy. I was so happy. So, I really only learned about what vet he took his cat too once he was my therapist. He was good for me as though he did not say much, toward the end he would make some profound comment that I sometimes reacted to negatively, and he would laugh. I needed that as I need to learn he was not laughing at me but at my resistance, and I see that my current analyst does the same, and so mostly I don't take it personaly and laugh myself, and say okay, okay. My therapist there was really good for me in terms of learning how to attach to someone good who cared, and he helped me (in hospital) to learn to know the different parts of me that were dissociated. This in part led to more depression, but it was good of course in the long run. I now know that there are those parts of me, some of which cry out for help. I can be competent at work, and then, there is the little girl who feels left behind and wonders if anyone cares about her.
Though I said little about the abuse at Menninger's, the treatment there was fantastic, and I managed to go back to school, etc. I was not on med's and no therapy until I got sick with a zillion things physically, and then everything I had not worked on came to the forefront. So, last therapist was horrible in the long run for me. He had no business trying to work with me on abuse issues. New analyst, is much, much better. He wanted me to lie on the couch, but so far I just have trouble sitting close to him. I am sitting closer than I used to, but to lie on the couch right now feels too threatening.
It is interesting to me that my body fell apart in lots of ways after I learned my therapist at Menninger's had died. Ironically, I learned he was with his wife at an opera in the mountains of Colorado when he had a heart attack and died. At least he died somewhere at something he loved. I feel like I am going to cry now, so I need to stop. I still really miss him even though I had not seen him in at least five or six years before he died.
So, no of course you did nothing, and you would not necessarily have sexual feelings for him. That would not stop him from feeling sexual toward you. You did not do anything but try to be you. Perhaps he has learned something, but not likely, and can now see that the way the termination went was bad. I would hope so, but I am not holding my breath. Your current analyst will not do this to you; you can bet the house on that.
Having sexual feelings for your current analyst, well don't feel bad. I do too for my current analyst. He is in his mid to late 50's I would guess, and I have never had the experience of feeling this way toward someone I am seeing for therapy. My last T, I did not feel that way about him either. I will say that as a hospital patient and even later in therapy with him, I saw my therapist as more of a father figure for me (I never had a father), and I talked to him about it. He was old enough to be my father, and I wished as a hospital patient in so many ways for him to take me home and be my father. Huh; his wife was a psychiatrist too, but I doubt she would have been happy. Besides, no way was it going to happen. When I graduated from Menninger's and won the writing award for my research, he was there on the stage as at that point he wss Director of the Hospital. As I went on the stage, surprised, and took my award, I was shocked and had a big grin on my face. I looked at my therapist, and he was grinning too. He almost looked like a proud papa to me.
I am glad you have who you have now. He sounds really good, and he will be respectful if you talk about your attraction to him. I think my T will be respectful too. He uses language sometimes, and I think deliberately, that really triggers me. I think he does it becasue of my tendency to want to gloss over things. So, I know we have lots to talk about on Tuesday.
RealMe
Posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 13:38:14
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 8:56:06
Dinah, thanks for updating. It seems strange to me that the doctors-especially the diabetes expert-are satisfied with just quarterly blood sugar readings. All the people I know with diabetes actually test two or three times a day, and adjust what and when they eat accordingly, and if they take insulin, adjust that, too. As you know, when you have diabetes, any infection, even a minor one, sends blood sugars sky-high. I don't think any good doctor would ever think you were a hypochondriac (I certainly wouldn't). It seems that you may be more stoic, and tending to dismiss or minimize your symptoms. That's certainly not your fault- I think it's your medical team's responsibility to set high standards of care, and educate you in how to care for yourself and work with them. And everyone is going to slip now and then- food-wise. Diabetes is challenging to take care of well, but, if you do, your risk of complications goes way down. With good care and management, you can expect at least 25, 30 or 40 years of side-effect free good health- perhaps more. I wish you had a more pro-active diabetes specialist. My father-in-law had diabetes for 40 years; he went once or twice a month to the Joslin Cliniic in Boston, and never had a single complication in all those years. He died at 86 of a heart attack.The diabetes was a hassle to take care of, although it became very routine and easy for him over time. The best thing was that his quality of life was never impaired
I know yours is only mild; it's possible that it could get a lot milder, or possibly disappear, if you really focussed on the issues of Risperdal and weight. Your weight might just go down naturally if you were able to discontinue the Riisperdal- I lost 50 pounds without doing anything when I stopped taking Zyprexa. I was close to diabetic then, but my readings dropped back to 70 as the weight disappeared. But, Dinah- you need a good, active medical team- people can't do these things all alone.
Posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 13:59:54
In reply to Re: Hearing Ts give presentations, posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:04:37
I need you with me, gg and RealMe! I can see you would both set him straight, and not be afraid to do it. Actually, I don't think there IS any way to set him straight- he's so used to being the senior training and supervising analyst who sets EVERYONE ELSE straight!
But I think you two have got his number, and that has helped a tremendous amount with the process of letting him go, and gaining a more realistic understanding of what that situation really added up to..
Posted by Dinah on September 30, 2007, at 14:29:58
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 13:38:14
I don't disagree though I'm at somewhat of a loss what to do about it. I think I've read we're the diabetes capital of the nation, so doctors should be familiar with it. My one experience with the most famous diabetic expert in the city left me feeling that he wasn't doing things much different than my doctors.
I suppose I should test more often myself, even if my doctors are less than enthusiastic about my sharing the results. And I know I should eat less carbs and exercise more. They'd all tell me that.
There is a comprehensive diabetes center somewhere in the area, I think. But I don't think it's on my insurance list. It's been a while since I looked into it and I don't even know if they still exist.
I don't disagree about Risperdal either. I'm off it for the moment again. I only take it as needed. But my blood sugars do tend to go up when I take it consistently for even a short period. But those are also the times when I'm really stressed, and I know stress plays a role in blood sugar. And it seems like the lesser evil when I feel like I'm in danger of, at the least, dissolving into a puddle of anxiety.
I'm rarely aggressive about pursuing these things. I guess I should try to be. And I really am a hypochondriac. :) Or rather, I should say I somaticize. I always have.
Thanks, Twinleaf. I do appreciate it. I'm just not quite sure what it's possible to do.
Posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 14:40:07
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » Dinah, posted by RealMe on September 29, 2007, at 23:51:15
Gosh, RealMe, those are a lot of tough physical things to deal with. As a veteran of four ruptured lumbar discs, it sounds like either a ruptured or a bulging one might be at fault. I recently had laser surgery for them, and it helped tremendously; not only did it remove the disc fragments, but the neurosurgeon also "zapped" the arthritic changes which had built up along with it- bone spurs, spinal stenosis. narowed foramina, etc. I'm now really pain-free for the first time in many years, but am not permitted to lift more than 20 pounds and, (the hardest). I'm not allowed to ride horseback. I used to ride dressage, where you have to sit, rather than post, the trot. The surgeon who operated on me said disc problems are a huge problem for dressage riders- even very young ones. I hope you get good care for your back soon- that pain can be difficult to bear.
Posted by Dinah on September 30, 2007, at 15:09:03
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:13:56
> Sounds like a lot going on. And if the puppy's not sleeping through the night enough, that sleep deprivation adds to the cost.
Well, he's actually quite good in his crate at night. He sleeps by the bed. In fact he's an enormously quiet little thing as far as barking and whining. But he's little and we wake up two or three times a night to let him out. It's tending more towards two times lately. We go back to sleep again right away, and I don't even remember getting up sometimes by the next morning, but it is disruptive I guess.
> That's a great and caring response. I'm glad it felt warm, and I have confidence you'll find your way back again.
That session was so confused, but that statement was the main thing I remember and can hold on to.
>
> Take care of yourself, please, Dinah. You're important to me.
>
> ggThanks gg. You're very important to me too.
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:21:14
In reply to When my old analyst presents...gg and RealMe, posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 13:59:54
Ah; I would love the challenge. Senior--Hah; so what; I love challenges and part of the reason I do forensic work. Going to court as far as I am concerned is fun and challenging. Have to be on your toes and know what you are talking about as well as anticipate the direction the questioning is going. Piece of cake with the analyst. I didn't back down from Walt Menninger, but I did learn he was a lost cause. My old therapist at Menningers thought it was great that I took him on.
RealMe
Posted by muffled on September 30, 2007, at 17:25:55
In reply to Re: When my old analyst presents...gg and RealMe » twinleaf, posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:21:14
Can we start a new one down below to talk bout this T's presentation etc?
Or I know I will start one! HA!
Thx
M
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:30:31
In reply to Sorry to hear these things... » RealMe, posted by twinleaf on September 30, 2007, at 14:40:07
Thanks. I already went back to see my neurosurgeon. He is at the University of Chicago and one of the best in the City. He did the surgeries on my cervical spine when I was losing the ability to use my left arm. Bone spur stabbing into the nerve root. He was surprised I was walking around with so much pain and using only Neurontin. The T/psychiatrist I had that I got rid of in May this year thought I should do ECT back then. I can imagine what that would have done to me pre-surgery. Perhaps I could have ended up likd Christopher Reeves. I had to have fusion at C4-C5. A long time ago I broke my neck (cracked the vertebra at C5, I think). Maybe it was C4. Anyway, I also have spina bifida occulta, and this may be part of the problem with the lower back pain. Oh hell, I have to stop rationalizing and guessing and bite the bullet and just call the doctor!!!
Yes, I need to call my neurosurgeion about the results of the tests and have been remiss. I will do it tomorrow.
RealMe
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:31:54
In reply to OK this thread is TOOOO confusing...., posted by muffled on September 30, 2007, at 17:25:55
I would love to, but I don't know how to move the threads, and so helP!!!
RealME
Posted by muffled on September 30, 2007, at 17:33:53
In reply to Re: OK this thread is TOOOO confusing.... » muffled, posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:31:54
Posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 19:05:25
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on September 30, 2007, at 14:29:58
> I suppose I should test more often myself, even if my doctors are less than enthusiastic about my sharing the results.Wow, I'm surprised to hear that. My sister developed gestational diabetes, and they had her test four times a day. I thought that was a bit excessive given that she really couldn't effect drastic change between tests, but she could within a day. I figured once or twice a day would be sufficient, especially given that her highest reading was only 141. But that would be the minimum I'd be comfortable with. And my f-i-l has borderline, and he tests at least 3 times a day.
> I'm rarely aggressive about pursuing these things. I guess I should try to be. And I really am a hypochondriac. :) Or rather, I should say I somaticize. I always have.
"Hypochondriac" is such a loaded word. And "somaticize" can be, too. But it just means that there's something going on with you, and that you present that via bodily symptoms, primarily. And regardless, diabetes is a disease with real symptoms and effects. It may be affected by your emotional state, stress, other meds, etc., but it's still something real in your body. If your bs's are going up with stress, then they're up. That's all. They're just up, and you and your docs need to work together on keeping them lower. Part of that of course involves the work you do with your T, but there's a medical part to it, too.
Okay, off my soapbox now. :)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 19:06:42
In reply to Re: Hearing Ts give presentations » gardenergirl, posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 0:19:50
> Oh gg; I have been feeling like such sh*t today, and your post here put a smile on my face. Oh now I can go to bed and not cry. Thanks.
>
> RealMeHappy to help. :)
gg
Posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2007, at 19:47:59
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 19:05:25
Diabeties sp? is definitely real and it needs to get under control . Do you see an endocrinologist? Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2007, at 21:36:48
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » gardenergirl, posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2007, at 19:47:59
Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2007, at 13:25:24
In reply to Re: so glad you posted » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 19:05:25
My therapist agrees with you. I guess I'll try to keep closer watch on my blood sugar even if my doctors aren't interested. That way I can see what affects it. And maybe if I actually come in with a chart, they'll be willing to look at it...
Posted by twinleaf on October 2, 2007, at 17:12:52
In reply to Twinleaf and » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2007, at 13:25:24
That would be wonderful, Dinah. I can't help but think that your doctors are not practicing preventive medicine (the best kind!) as they should be.It almost seems as though you are not of much interest until you develop a complication- the very thing you want to avoid. Sometimes a person like a nurse practitioner will take much more interest in your day-to-day health, and provide you with the support and information you need- is there such a person attached to a diabetes clinic, or something similiar?
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