Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 10:44:48
In reply to Re: memories of Menningers » RealMe, posted by twinleaf on September 29, 2007, at 16:47:01
Twinleaf, I probably should post this in a new thread, but I don't know how to move things. Yes, your analyst violated boundaries quite a bit it sounds like. My current analyst presented at a conference I attended, but I was signed up for the conference before I ever knew him or knew I was going to see him. So, I was extremely comfortable with going. He was kind, as we had only met twice before the conference, and his saying good I have someone to cheer me on eased my anxiety.
My therapist at Menninger's was my hospital doctor when I was inpatient, and I had an analyst for therapy. I knew nothing about him other than he was born in Egypt. When the President of Egypt died in the early 80's, and I can't remember his name (thank you ECT), I offered condolences, and he said nothing. I felt weird.
My hospital doctor used to push me and other patients to watch opera, and he thought it was funny when we would go ich. I watched once and decided it wasn't for me, but I know it was big for him. I also knew from staff that he was married and had no children and had a cat. Beyond that I knew noting about him. So as I was making the transition to leave the hospital and was already working at a job while still a patient, I asked if I could have him for my therapist as I felt I had gotten no where with my analyst. I could never understand him due to his thick accent, and he said so little, obviously. I learned later from my records that he saw me as manipulative in the sense that I was always trying to get him to talk, say something, anything.
I needed someone who would say something. So, when I asked my hospital doctor to see me, of course they had to have a big case conference with my hospital doctor, my analyst, an analyst who the therapist for a group I was in, and of course a consultant who had consulted on my case throughout the time in the hospital. They decided Yes to seeing my hospital doctor for therapy. I was so happy. So, I really only learned about what vet he took his cat too once he was my therapist. He was good for me as though he did not say much, toward the end he would make some profound comment that I sometimes reacted to negatively, and he would laugh. I needed that as I need to learn he was not laughing at me but at my resistance, and I see that my current analyst does the same, and so mostly I don't take it personaly and laugh myself, and say okay, okay. My therapist there was really good for me in terms of learning how to attach to someone good who cared, and he helped me (in hospital) to learn to know the different parts of me that were dissociated. This in part led to more depression, but it was good of course in the long run. I now know that there are those parts of me, some of which cry out for help. I can be competent at work, and then, there is the little girl who feels left behind and wonders if anyone cares about her.
Though I said little about the abuse at Menninger's, the treatment there was fantastic, and I managed to go back to school, etc. I was not on med's and no therapy until I got sick with a zillion things physically, and then everything I had not worked on came to the forefront. So, last therapist was horrible in the long run for me. He had no business trying to work with me on abuse issues. New analyst, is much, much better. He wanted me to lie on the couch, but so far I just have trouble sitting close to him. I am sitting closer than I used to, but to lie on the couch right now feels too threatening.
It is interesting to me that my body fell apart in lots of ways after I learned my therapist at Menninger's had died. Ironically, I learned he was with his wife at an opera in the mountains of Colorado when he had a heart attack and died. At least he died somewhere at something he loved. I feel like I am going to cry now, so I need to stop. I still really miss him even though I had not seen him in at least five or six years before he died.
So, no of course you did nothing, and you would not necessarily have sexual feelings for him. That would not stop him from feeling sexual toward you. You did not do anything but try to be you. Perhaps he has learned something, but not likely, and can now see that the way the termination went was bad. I would hope so, but I am not holding my breath. Your current analyst will not do this to you; you can bet the house on that.
Having sexual feelings for your current analyst, well don't feel bad. I do too for my current analyst. He is in his mid to late 50's I would guess, and I have never had the experience of feeling this way toward someone I am seeing for therapy. My last T, I did not feel that way about him either. I will say that as a hospital patient and even later in therapy with him, I saw my therapist as more of a father figure for me (I never had a father), and I talked to him about it. He was old enough to be my father, and I wished as a hospital patient in so many ways for him to take me home and be my father. Huh; his wife was a psychiatrist too, but I doubt she would have been happy. Besides, no way was it going to happen. When I graduated from Menninger's and won the writing award for my research, he was there on the stage as at that point he wss Director of the Hospital. As I went on the stage, surprised, and took my award, I was shocked and had a big grin on my face. I looked at my therapist, and he was grinning too. He almost looked like a proud papa to me.
I am glad you have who you have now. He sounds really good, and he will be respectful if you talk about your attraction to him. I think my T will be respectful too. He uses language sometimes, and I think deliberately, that really triggers me. I think he does it becasue of my tendency to want to gloss over things. So, I know we have lots to talk about on Tuesday.
RealMe
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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786032.html