![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 25 to 49 of 78. Go back in thread:
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 11:52:26
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:25:19
> I am glad you can laugh at your own anger and that you know it is there. I am being this direct because it sounds like you want actual answers.
>
> I am going to go check out that hospital site just out of curiosity. I am glad someone was able to find you something so concrete.I very much hope you get the help you want and need.
Thanks gazo, youre very sweet.
And yes, thank you... I do want actual answers and love when people are as direct as possible.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 12:33:02
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit » Jeff Smith, posted by fayeroe on March 20, 2007, at 8:45:09
> Jeff, i'd open up a bit to what is available to you and try just a teeny bit to get that chip off of your shoulder.
>
> i say this as someone much older than you and i've struggled with severe depression all of my life. i've had to be humble and flexible to find what works for me best.
>
> i'm semi-retired now and when i worked as a T, the angry patient was very difficult to help. peeling away all those layers took time and a T only has so much time to give one patient. if you could work on acceptance, on your own, and mellow out (without the pot), i think you'll find that people will be much more receptive to trying to find you some help.
>
> the hospital link sounds good and i know it has a very good reputation.
>
> depression makes us angry, sad, tired, cranky, etc. and we have to just keep trying to find what will give us a better quality of life.
>
> good luck, patHey Pat,
Do you really think Ive had a "chip on my shoulder"? I mean obviously Im angry but its due to being "mentally ill" to begin with and then frustrated (with great reason) and etc, etc. and not just some bad or mean or confrontational attitude/ chip on my shoulder.
I do realize that anger turns people off but Im sure its understandable why Id be angry and Id hope that any therapist who heard my reasons for being angry would especially understand it, even if the therapist thought my reasons were invalid. Aside from this NYPGroup Ive not even expressed any anger to anyone who was in a position to try to find me help... and I didnt start out angry towards them, I only got angry after their reply.Honestly Im not capable of working on (or more specifically achieving) acceptance (if you mean self acceptance) on my own or mellowing out. Ive gotten nowhere in 37 years and I believe I need help for these things. Im very mentally weak.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 12:48:29
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:46:56
> I am not in the US, so forgive my ignorance of the system.. but will they take medicare or work with you in a way you can afford?
>
> It sounds like they will with a referral.. can you get one?
>
> I will tell you something else, something of my personal experience. I know for a fact that many pdocs and T's will not take on patients with certain types of illnesses. SOmetimes it's because those illnesses present very difficult issues that they just don't deal with. Other times it's because some illnesses cause the patient to be very resistant to treatment even if they feel they want help. I am NOT suggesting you are either of those.. just that is how it works sometimes, their bad not yours. Some won't take on patients that they think will bore them!
>
> Personally I had a T turn me down outright because of the illness I have, even though I didn't want help with that, I wanted help with life issues.
>
> You would think that with all their training in the workings of the human mind and heart they would be more caring and compassionate.. but sadly, that is not a pre-requisite. Also in my experience, many can be just plain cold.
>
> I do hope this new place works out for you.
Well some of the ones who (if you mean private shrinks?) dont take medicare will work with a sliding scale fee.
But now Im not sure who you mean regarding needing a referral for?
And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure weve all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now. : )
Posted by one woman cine on March 20, 2007, at 12:58:01
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 12:48:29
>>>>>Im sure weve all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now.
Um, then why seek help at all if they are *all* just stupid, evil and money hungry as you say they are?
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 13:20:31
In reply to Re: Another perspective » Jeff Smith, posted by Racer on March 20, 2007, at 11:32:42
> Listen, Jeff, as far as the weight thing goes, I do know what you're talking about. (And the good part of this place is that you don't have to self-censor yourself on someone else's behalf -- except for staying inside the civility guidelines, which can be found http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil -- so don't let my problem stop you from stating yours.)
>
> (By the way, I strongly urge you to check out the civility guidelines at that link, because some of what you've written here might bring on a "Please be civil" warning from a deputy or from Dr Bob himself. This is a great site, and everyone is very supportive, but the rules about civility are part of what allows us to be such a supportive community. I'd hate to see you get dinged for civility, when you just didn't know the rules.)
>
> I have had trouble with weight gain from meds. It's ranged from 45 to 70 pounds, although to be fair I've started out underweight each time. On the other hand, that sort of weight gain has pushed me above normal weight range. It's terrible, and I won't even try to tell you how devastating it was for me. But there's been a big change in more recent times: most doctors now know that these drugs really do cause weight gain, and many doctors are finally starting to take it seriously. There are strategies that can mitigate weight gain, ranging from adding Wellbutrin -- which can also help with sexual side effects -- to adding other sorts of drugs to help mitigate the problem. Weight gain is one of those quality of life issues that lead to non-compliance, so doctors do take it seriously.
>
> As for the stories of doctors dismissing patients' complaints, you know the joke, right? "WNL" doesn't really mean "within normal limits," it means "we never looked." (That's actually a doctor joke, they tell it themselves.)
>
> It sounds as though both Columbia and Payne Whitney are good leads for you. I gotta agree that meds are probably a better first line for you. My own experience is that talk therapy goes much better when I'm adequately medicated -- and goes no where when I'm not.
>
> Good luck.
Hey,
Alright, good... I just didnt want to bring up unecessarily an issue which wouldve been very upsetting.
OK, can you please clue me in as to what I said that would be considered uncivil? I honestly cant think of anything I said that was uncivil towards anyone here... aside from maybe the Scientology remarks and suicide talk but you wont find any Scientologists on a psychiatric message board (unless theyre here to collect data from the evil doers) and the suicide talk wasnt threatening or anything towards anyone here. Was it the censored cursing? If you dont mind telling me then I dont mind if you say it here but if youd prefer you can private message me. Thanks. : )Its good to hear that the shrinks are realizing weight is an issue (again I dont mean to harp on it, but its obviously important). Are your current meds allowing you to maintain a healthy and happy weight for you?
Oh, and very funny (not really) joke the Dr's share. How dare they mock us! : )
Posted by Racer on March 20, 2007, at 13:50:05
In reply to Re: Another perspective » Racer, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 13:20:31
Jeff, the civility issues in your posts do include the Scientology remarks, as well as the remarks about mental health professionals being "evil" or "f*'d up." This forum is a place to offer support -- within limits that are in place to protect us all. I hope you'll read the FAQ about civility, at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
It can take a while to learn the rules of civility here, but they're good for the group as a whole, and this place functions better if we all follow them. That includes not making sweeping generalizations, especially those that might lead others to feel accused or put down. While there's a little leeway when it comes to Ts and pdocs -- since many of us need a safe place to vent about them now and again -- there's not a lot of leeway. After reading the FAQ, the best advice I can offer is to follow The Golden Rule, and not post anything that might upset you if it was posted about you.
I hope you understand.
This post to you, by the way, is made as a poster, and not as a deputy for Dr Bob. I'm considering it a friendly explanation, to help you avoid an official warning. Please do read the FAQ about civility. It can save a lot of hurt feelings on all sides.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 14:17:37
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit » Jeff Smith, posted by one woman cine on March 20, 2007, at 12:58:01
> >>>>>Im sure weve all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now.
>
> Um, then why seek help at all if they are *all* just stupid, evil and money hungry as you say they are?
>
>
Why seek help at all? Because I need it and these are the poeple you go to for it. Same reason anyone else would seek help.
I never said they were *all* "just stupid" (or if I did then please just quote where I said that?).
When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context) I said it like this: "And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure weve all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now. : )"
If you couldnt tell, that was said in jest. Note the smilie face and words "just for now". : )
I dont at all believe all shrinks are evil or that they have any higher percentage of "evil" people than non shrinks do.
Money hungry? It would be unfair to say theyre ALL money hungry as I dont know statistics or all of them personally... but yes I believe theyre more money hungry than humanitarian. What percentage I dont know and have no way of finding out.So:
Why did you not reply to my last post to you or answer any of the questions in it, and instead come up with this question apparently in response to that quote from me to gazo?
Are you for some reason angry or insulted or offended?
Im confused.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 14:29:44
In reply to Civility » Jeff Smith, posted by Racer on March 20, 2007, at 13:50:05
> Jeff, the civility issues in your posts do include the Scientology remarks, as well as the remarks about mental health professionals being "evil" or "f*'d up." This forum is a place to offer support -- within limits that are in place to protect us all. I hope you'll read the FAQ about civility, at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
>
> It can take a while to learn the rules of civility here, but they're good for the group as a whole, and this place functions better if we all follow them. That includes not making sweeping generalizations, especially those that might lead others to feel accused or put down. While there's a little leeway when it comes to Ts and pdocs -- since many of us need a safe place to vent about them now and again -- there's not a lot of leeway. After reading the FAQ, the best advice I can offer is to follow The Golden Rule, and not post anything that might upset you if it was posted about you.
>
> I hope you understand.
>
> This post to you, by the way, is made as a poster, and not as a deputy for Dr Bob. I'm considering it a friendly explanation, to help you avoid an official warning. Please do read the FAQ about civility. It can save a lot of hurt feelings on all sides.
Got it. Thanks Racer. I was here briefly before so I knew a bit about the civility rules, but at the time I wrote it never thought the Scientology remarks would be considered uncivil considering their stance on psychiatry, but they are a group/ "religion" so I shouldve known the rule applys.
Oh, and yes I also see how those shrink comments would be uncivil too, but if you see my last post to Cine it will explain the comments.
My apologies to Dr. Bob, all mental health professionals on board and everywhere and especially to all Scientologists... particularly the lovely Mr. Tom Cruise. : )
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 17:08:42
In reply to Re: Civility » Racer, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 14:29:44
> ....particularly the lovely Mr. Tom Cruise. : )
>You have great sense of humor...too funny.
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 17:19:53
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 12:48:29
> Well some of the ones who (if you mean private shrinks?) dont take medicare will work with a sliding scale fee.
> But now Im not sure who you mean regarding needing a referral for?
> And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure weve all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are allWell, I don't think they are all f*ed up or evil, although I am sure that like every segment of the population there are some. What does bother me is the lack of consideration of aptitude when accepting people into the programs. Same goes for medical doctors. We tend to have this idea that they will genuinely care... and some just don't.
I have seen mental health workers, of many varieties, just acting badly in their private lives. It's like seeing a priest steal someone's wallet... leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Granted, the ones I have seen clinically myself have done alright by me I guess.
ABout the referral.. I meant that hospital clinic, same thing with the cost. Can you go there without having to pay a bunch of money? I looked at the site and they seem impressive.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 7:03:00
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or)) Jeff, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 17:19:53
>
> > Well some of the ones who (if you mean private shrinks?) dont take medicare will work with a sliding scale fee.
> > But now Im not sure who you mean regarding needing a referral for?
> > And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure we all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all
>
> Well, I don't think they are all f*ed up or evil, although I am sure that like every segment of the population there are some. What does bother me is the lack of consideration of aptitude when accepting people into the programs. Same goes for medical doctors. We tend to have this idea that they will genuinely care... and some just don't.
>
> I have seen mental health workers, of many varieties, just acting badly in their private lives. It's like seeing a priest steal someone's wallet... leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
>
> Granted, the ones I have seen clinically myself have done alright by me I guess.
>
> About the referral.. I meant that hospital clinic, same thing with the cost. Can you go there without having to pay a bunch of money? I looked at the site and they seem impressive.Hey gazo,
Just to completely clarify, since Im not sure if you read my post to cine yesterday, I explained that it was in jest that I referred to the "cliche" about shrinks and also about them being "evil"... and well here's what I said to cine about that:
"When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context) I said it like this: "And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure we all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now. : )"
If you could tell, that was said in jest. Note the smiley face and words "just for now". : )
I dont at all believe all shrinks are evil or that they have any higher percentage of "evil" people than non shrinks do."And Ill also add that I dont believe that all shrinks are "f*cked up"... I just found it an appropriately funny and obnoxious cliche at the time (which I had assumed everyone has heard before... in fact I know Ive seen it written here once (I believe in administration) but another term was used instead of "F'd up").
As for the hospital in NYC I agree, they seem very, very impressive : )
But Im also confused: They seem to have a million different programs and whatnot but some say they dont take insurance (but charge very low cost), one says the whole intake evaluation (or whatever it was called) was like $1500, a couple say they take medicare and I think others dont mention anything.
I dont know, its all very confusing so Ill definitely have to call to find out exactly where to go, what to do, how to pay, if theyll take me, etc, etc...
Posted by Honore on March 21, 2007, at 10:42:32
In reply to Re: Another perspective » Racer, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 1:08:48
It is really tough at this moment to find a good, affordable T, or pdoc. Esp. in NYC. The irony is that there probably are more good ones in NYC than in many other cities-- they just charge extraordinary fees.
The thing is, if you approach the situation with a "show me" attitude, you're likely to get less out of it. Or course, you're depressed, frustrated, angry. It's all too natural to feel as if some expert needs to find the right answer and then prove that it's the right one, before you go through any more misery.
There are a couple of people here who've gone through the mill and finally, after many failures and disappointments, found drug combos which, despite being unusual, work for them- when all the standard treatments not only failed, but wreaked various forms of temporary havoc. It's a hard road, but they did get to something that worked.
The best answer is to try (as much as possible) to adopt their attitude--as unfamiliar as it is, as difficult as adoption may be ( I do mysekf)-- despite falling into cynicism, dismissiveness, and angry despair when the person isn't who I've wanted, and their approach isn't that much what I'd like. It's a big part of the struggle to give some degree of trust, without trusting too much, and therefore feeling un bearably awful when things don't work.
There are drugs, for example, that don't cause weight gain-- Wellbutrin, Parnate, and combinations. Not everyone gains weight even with the drugs that do have that tendency. You have to submit to the unfortunate process== if you want to get to that place where you feel better. No expert can spare you that-- although I'm sure they woudl, if they could. Science just isn't at that point-- at the moment.
So we TR people are stuck with going through a lot of yuckiness if we want to have a chance to get to a better life.
It's understandable to be angry, to be furious even at the pdocs and Ts who weren't very well trained, or on-the-mark. I guess the best thing to do is try to forgive them their limitations-- and to invest yourself in looking for something better.
I take a small dose of abilify myself-- and have found it incredibly much better than my AD alone-- but that's me, and my body chemistry. It's really finding out, by trial and error, what you can use, and what you can't. Doing research, looking for the right person, despite the hard road. I think everyone here will try to give you support and suggestions, if it gets disappointing-- but if you turn away in anger and resentment, you, in the end, are the one left without the treatment you need.
That, I think, is what everyone is saying, in one way or another.
Honore
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:44:17
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or)) Jeff » gazo, posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 7:03:00
> "When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context)no worries. I did see how it could hit people the wrong way but it didn'tmatter to me.. just commenting back. I tend to let most stuff just go, I mean, your thoughts and your words. I know you were joking.:o) I don't see the issue either way really, unless you are being truly hateful or attacking someone here. The rest is just words expressing someone's feelings.
>
> As for the hospital in NYCdefinitely call. I really hope this works out for you. You sound a LOT better than the other day. :):)
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 13:28:04
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or)) Jeff, posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:44:17
>
> > "When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context)
>
> no worries. I did see how it could hit people the wrong way but it didn'tmatter to me.. just commenting back. I tend to let most stuff just go, I mean, your thoughts and your words. I know you were joking.:o) I don't see the issue either way really, unless you are being truly hateful or attacking someone here. The rest is just words expressing someone's feelings.
>
>
> >
> > As for the hospital in NYC
>
> definitely call. I really hope this works out for you. You sound a LOT better than the other day. :):)
>
>OK, just to totally clarify : )
You, racer, just quoted that I said "When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context)" in my last post to you.
Well when I wrote that to you I explained that it was a quote from me from the last post I had made to cine... so I was actually referring to her as the person taking the word evil out of context and not you. No big deal, just wanted to clarify.And thanks for the encouragment... I feel less hopeless and like there may possibly be some help in the cards.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 13:41:57
In reply to Re: Another perspective » Jeff Smith, posted by Honore on March 21, 2007, at 10:42:32
> It is really tough at this moment to find a good, affordable T, or pdoc. Esp. in NYC. The irony is that there probably are more good ones in NYC than in many other cities-- they just charge extraordinary fees.
>
> The thing is, if you approach the situation with a "show me" attitude, you're likely to get less out of it. Or course, you're depressed, frustrated, angry. It's all too natural to feel as if some expert needs to find the right answer and then prove that it's the right one, before you go through any more misery.
>
> There are a couple of people here who've gone through the mill and finally, after many failures and disappointments, found drug combos which, despite being unusual, work for them- when all the standard treatments not only failed, but wreaked various forms of temporary havoc. It's a hard road, but they did get to something that worked.
>
> The best answer is to try (as much as possible) to adopt their attitude--as unfamiliar as it is, as difficult as adoption may be ( I do mysekf)-- despite falling into cynicism, dismissiveness, and angry despair when the person isn't who I've wanted, and their approach isn't that much what I'd like. It's a big part of the struggle to give some degree of trust, without trusting too much, and therefore feeling un bearably awful when things don't work.
>
> There are drugs, for example, that don't cause weight gain-- Wellbutrin, Parnate, and combinations. Not everyone gains weight even with the drugs that do have that tendency. You have to submit to the unfortunate process== if you want to get to that place where you feel better. No expert can spare you that-- although I'm sure they woudl, if they could. Science just isn't at that point-- at the moment.
>
> So we TR people are stuck with going through a lot of yuckiness if we want to have a chance to get to a better life.
>
> It's understandable to be angry, to be furious even at the pdocs and Ts who weren't very well trained, or on-the-mark. I guess the best thing to do is try to forgive them their limitations-- and to invest yourself in looking for something better.
>
> I take a small dose of abilify myself-- and have found it incredibly much better than my AD alone-- but that's me, and my body chemistry. It's really finding out, by trial and error, what you can use, and what you can't. Doing research, looking for the right person, despite the hard road. I think everyone here will try to give you support and suggestions, if it gets disappointing-- but if you turn away in anger and resentment, you, in the end, are the one left without the treatment you need.
>
> That, I think, is what everyone is saying, in one way or another.
>
> Honore
>
>Thanks Honore, for understanding me and the advise.
I really have nothing specific to add, which is probably a good thing since Im not disagreeing with any of your points... although I could tweak a thing here or there but over all I agree. : )
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 16:57:36
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or)) Jeff » gazo, posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 13:28:04
it's wonderful what a little hope can do. :) Never, ever give up hope.
Posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 19:30:29
In reply to Re: Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrit » one woman cine, posted by Jeff Smith on March 20, 2007, at 14:17:37
> > >>>>>Im sure we all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now.
> >
> > Um, then why seek help at all if they are *all* just stupid, evil and money hungry as you say they are?
> >
> >
>
>
> Why seek help at all? Because I need it and these are the people you go to for it. Same reason anyone else would seek help.
> I never said they were *all* "just stupid" (or if I did then please just quote where I said that?).
> When I said the word evil (which you just took out of context) I said it like this: "And that sucks that you were rejected for that reason. Im sure we all heard that cliche (dont know if its true or not) that shrinks are all f*cked up themselves... but lets assume its true and theyre all evil just for now. : )"
> If you could tell, that was said in jest. Note the smiley face and words "just for now". : )
> I dont at all believe all shrinks are evil or that they have any higher percentage of "evil" people than non shrinks do.
> Money hungry? It would be unfair to say they ALL money hungry as I dont know statistics or all of them personally... but yes I believe they more money hungry than humanitarian. What percentage I dont know and have no way of finding out.
>
> So:
> Why did you not reply to my last post to you or answer any of the questions in it, and instead come up with this question apparently in response to that quote from me to gazo?
> Are you for some reason angry or insulted or offended?
> Im confused.Cine is so sweet!! : )
In reply to my very last question to her above ("Are you for some reason angry or insulted or offended?"
) she provided me with two babble mails with nice helpful hints and lovely compliments. Shes even helping me out!! Well not in any ordinary way you might think was helpful but this is something different and more clever. This type of help is more of a lesson for me to learn from Cine. Perhaps you might call it a morality lesson.
You see, as she stated, "[xxx]"and also:
"[xxx]"
You see, Cine finds my posts to be "[xxx]" and my "[xxx]" to be "[xxx]" and finds me to "[xxx]". Along with those things I have also "[xxx]" all of my past therapists and I engage in "[xxx]" and therefore as a result of those things Cine has decided to not refer me to the few psychiatrists she knows in my area.
The lesson Im learning is much more valuable and helpful than any referrals to any psychiatrists would ever be: The lesson is that when you're going through major mental hell/trauma and your extremely depressed and frustrated and angry and hopeless (etc, etc) do NOT come to a psychiatric support board and express your true feelings. This may anger someone.
No sir. And if you are angry and disappointed and frustrated over the fact that youve had nothing but crappy, unqualified and useless therapists then do NOT express yourself and complain about them at a psychiatric message board. Its not the therapists fault they couldnt help you, its yours.
Those things are not good in the eyes of certain people. Those are NOT the type of qualities that any psychiatrist will accept in any patient... they dont wanna hear about your anger at your abusive parents or the guy who molested you. And if you possess those qualities then Cine is gonna withhold her referrals. : ) And thats only because shes trying to be helpful, and not to punish or judge you in any way. This doesnt mean she doesnt like me or thinks Im a bad person and nothing in her babble mails to me would indicate that.So do you get the lesson now? The lesson Ive learned is that if I was a different person and learned how to behave in an non angry way and make posts in certain ways that were acceptable to certain people then Id be worthy of certain referrals. But since Im not that kinda guy then Ill just have to suffer the consequences of not getting those referrals.
And I now know what I need to do to earn and achieve this and end my suffering.Its simple really. What I need to do is try not to have "[xxx]" posts or a "[xxx]" "[xxx]". If I can achieve this buy suppressing my true feelings and write as if Im happy as a clam then I can move on to learning to not "[xxx]" or "[xxx]" any previous or current or future or any therapist in general by suppressing those feelings too and instead posting about fluffy kittens and clowns or other things which arent negative about therapists.
If you too can achieve this then you will have earned a referral. If not then Im personally taking my referrals and my toys and Im not playing with you all as youre not worthy.Well thanks for this lesson Cine. : )
If lessons are allowed to be discussed here then perhaps we can discuss the others you taught me later.
Posted by Racer on March 21, 2007, at 20:20:04
In reply to Learning Lessons From Cine : ), posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 19:30:29
> Cine is so sweet!! : )
> Shes even helping me out!! Well not in any ordinary way you might think was helpful but this is something different and more clever.Please don't post anything which could lead others to feel accused or put down. If you have a problem with a babblemail from another poster, please use appropriate means to inform Dr Bob or the deputies, such as using the link at the bottom of each post.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Racer, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Racer on March 21, 2007, at 22:36:41
In reply to Learning Lessons From Cine : ), posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 19:30:29
Please don't post anything which could lead others to feel accused or put down, and please don't report another poster's communication on the board. If you've received a babblemail you feel is uncivil, please forward that, with headers, to Dr Bob and the deputies. Your babblemail to me included material which is not allowed under the civility guidelines, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to block you for a week.
This isn't personal, and doesn't mean I don't like you or sympathize with you. Dr Bob has final authority here and may choose to override any deputy decision. Until he has a chance to review this decision, however, I am going to block you.
Any discussion of this action should take place on the Admin board, or through the notification button below. And that discussion should, of course, be civil.
Racer, acting as deputy for Dr Bob
Posted by one woman cine on March 22, 2007, at 7:57:14
In reply to Learning Lessons From Cine : ), posted by Jeff Smith on March 21, 2007, at 19:30:29
Jeff, if you are going post private babblemails - (and only excerpts!) - I wish you had also posted yours to which I was only responding to. I would like you consider how you might feel if I were to do that.
Posted by Honore on March 23, 2007, at 3:11:40
In reply to Blocked for one week » Jeff Smith, posted by Racer on March 21, 2007, at 22:36:41
I think we were a little hard on Jeff Smith. It's pretty tough to be depressed and disappointed and seeking some sort of affirmation of one's okayness-- as he was-- and to be hit with a lot of rebuffs about realities of the world.
We could, in many instances, have been sympathetic and supportive (more overtly) rather than coming out of the stance that he needed to look at his "own actions"-- and that he was, to an extent that he maybe isn't aware of-- expecting more personal concern that you're just likely to get in the world, problems or not.
We may, to be honest, have just as easily said that it is hurtful to be turned away, and not given the help you need-- all because you don't have the money, and maybe are angry at the lack of appropriate response. I feel fairly sure that Jeff didn't get very much help-- and that he has a right to be disappointed and angry.
I've certainly been there-- and would have expected more kind and sympathetic responses. I'm not saying that, in the long run, what we said wasn't valid-- but just that there was an awful lot of it, and that he seemed to take it in pretty good humor-- It's easy to forget that there are a lot of not very good Ts out there-- and especially if you don't have money, you tend to run into them, and not have the resources to go elsewhere.
So if he is a newbie, I wish it hadn't seemed necessary to block him, and I hope he comes back.
He didn't really seem entitled to me-- any more than any of us is-- just in a less fortunate position, in a more economically stressful time. Being angry is certainly a big part of being depressed, for some people, and it didn't really bother me.
I for one was struck by a sense that it would be hard for him to get really high quality professional help, and to overcome years of depression. So it was hard to think about his struggle. Maybe I, for one, could have been given him a bit more clear compassion, rather than a lecture on things I , after many years of therapy, am only finally ready to see about how I interact.
It's hard to know how to be helpful, when someone really is in a tough situation. So I do hope it hasn't ended in his not wanting to keep coming here.
Honore
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 10:29:54
In reply to Re: Blocked for one week, posted by Honore on March 23, 2007, at 3:11:40
I know I often find myself, especially in certain moods, trying to help. And certainly there's nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful. It's a wonderful thing.
But as my therapist tells me, sometimes a person isn't ready to accept the help part of an interaction until they feel heard and accepted exactly as they are.
He says that's especially true of me. :)
It sometimes takes a while to get the hang of the rules at Babble, which I'm guessing is true in most communal settings. Or at least I find it so. I'm still not sure I get the rules at church or at the office or at birthday parties. I sort of wish they were written down in a FAQ on the front door.
Posted by madeline on March 23, 2007, at 16:15:54
In reply to I hope Jeff comes back as well » Honore, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 10:29:54
You both make excellent excellent points. They are lessons we all can learn I think, but perhaps the most important one is to seek first and foremost to listen and understand.
Posted by Racer on March 23, 2007, at 19:45:49
In reply to Re: I hope Jeff comes back for honore too! » Dinah, posted by madeline on March 23, 2007, at 16:15:54
Honore has some awfully good points to make, and I agree with them. I hope he'll come back when his block is up.
And, for the record, I really didn't want to block him. I hope he'll come back, and that he won't hold it against me.
Posted by zazenduckie on March 24, 2007, at 9:45:28
In reply to Your Opinion: Am I Right Or Just Crazy/Irrational, posted by JeffSmith on March 19, 2007, at 12:15:39
Have you tried looking here?
http://therapists.psychcentral.com/psychcentral/
I'm not sure where you are but I looked up new york city and there were almost 200 listings. They include information about what insurance is accepted and availability of sliding scale fees. I only looked at a couple but one of those took medicare so maybe there are at least a few out there!
It might be a place to start looking. Most of them have email addresses. Even if someone can't see you maybe they can offer you a lead on someone else. Try to think of it like finding a job. You may have to make a lot of applications to find one but you only need to find one. So the more inquiries you make the better your chances.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the first place you tried but I hope you won't give up.
I'm sorry you were blocked. Good luck.
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