Psycho-Babble Self-Esteem Thread 676622

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Re: Umm, I think I overdid it

Posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 21:55:38

In reply to Umm, I think I overdid it, posted by llrrrpp on August 18, 2006, at 20:40:55

DOH! I forgot about my goal. Does "passing out at the keyboard" count as "sleep"?

 

Re: Forget to include message » finelinebob

Posted by Jost on August 18, 2006, at 22:59:44

In reply to Re: Forget to include message, posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 19:44:02

Finelineb, is there any chance you're obsessed with this failure thing?

Cause if so, I think there's a book to be written: The Human History of Failure, Parts I,II, and III. (There could be as many parts as you want.)

You'd have so much material. It's almost hard to know where to begin.

There's crying need for that book. This seems like the perfect historical moment for it, too.

Jost

 

Re: Umm, I think I overdid it » llrrrpp

Posted by Jost on August 18, 2006, at 23:06:15

In reply to Umm, I think I overdid it, posted by llrrrpp on August 18, 2006, at 20:40:55

Ll, good job!

I'm getting into bed now, which is either a failure (it's 45 minutes after my stated time of 11:15 pm)

or a raving success, given my usual in-bed hour, which is more like 1:45-55 am.

But I have no time to lose.

See you tomorrow. Metaphorically, of course-- unless we need to meet at your local pharmacy to pick up some fine literature (and a few thousand cans of Redbull).

Jost

 

Goals for Saturday

Posted by llrrrpp on August 19, 2006, at 10:15:09

In reply to Re: Umm, I think I overdid it » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 18, 2006, at 23:06:15

Goals for SATURDAY

Wake up on time
(yep--- but I woke up early again. pray that this is not a recurrance of insomnia)

Pack my crap
(yep--- no liquids or gels in my carryon. apparently cherries are okay?)

Catch the bus & train without getting robbed or breaking my ankle
(yep)

Get through security without losing my cool
(yep)

*************
The rest of the day's goals:
1) not to get stressed out on the plane, especially important if I end up sitting next to a difficult passenger.

2) to have quality time with my cat. I will post some pictures soon. She just got a hairdo.

3) have quality time with my husband. dinner and a movie date?

4) to not spend to much time on psycho-babble that husband says "why are you hanging out with psychos so much? hang out with me!" [please don't be offended. my husband is kind, but has little understanding of mental illness. I stick up for my babble-buddies all the time-- you guys aren't psychos!

5) to completely ignore my work, and the office life for a whole weekend.

--this goal failed already. a meek coworker sent me e-mails at 3am AND 5am, because she thought something I said was rude and mean. And I sent her another e-mail to apologize for my e-mails, and then I gave her some advice on getting along in a caustic brew of twenty-something ambitious women that is called our "office". [or lab, depending on your perspective]. I think we had a good conversation. I used a lot of tricks that I have been practicing on psycho-babble. Being supportive, non-confrontational, and trying to give advice without sounding too bossy. I feel a lot better now. The air is cleared between us. I think she's a genuinely nice person, but she's very needy, and very uncertain. She tries my patience. Oh well.

6) Eat ice-cream, ideally. Or, perhaps a nice chunk of Schokolade. I have a 500gram (that's over a POUND!) of pure alpine milk chocolate in my bag. YUM! but I cannot eat it all at once. I'll try and share at least a crumb or two with my friends!

********************
Thank you for reading my goals. I know it's boring, but it's my life. I'm kinda long-winded. Oh well.
********************

Self-Esteem status report:

Medium Rare~ Seared on the outside, but still pretty raw inside. At least my heart's not bleeding from guilt. I feel like I have gone to the dark side of the evil office gossip mill, and been a bad friend to the meek one. I'm not feeling too attractive today. Couldn't bring myself to do any grooming above and beyond shower and hairwash. oh. I guess I'm wearing earrings. I look like a slop. A pimply slop. And I was critical of my blubber, which I haven't done in a few weeks. hmm.

I wish I could put me in a crate, tranquilize me, and ship me to my final destination, like the Elephant I am.

-ll

 

PWzzzzzzz » finelinebob

Posted by llrrrpp on August 19, 2006, at 10:17:57

In reply to Re: Umm, I think I overdid it, posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 21:55:38

> DOH! I forgot about my goal. Does "passing out at the keyboard" count as "sleep"?

Well, if the computer went to 'sleep mode' then it counts. If, on the other hand, you were actually posting while passed out, NO, that does not count as sleep. It counts as PWzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [posting while sleeping]

It's okay. If your forget your goal, you can just refer back to your previous posts.

-ll

 

Failing to fail! The ultimate failure! » Jost

Posted by llrrrpp on August 19, 2006, at 10:23:52

In reply to Re: Forget to include message » finelinebob, posted by Jost on August 18, 2006, at 22:59:44

> Cause if so, I think there's a book to be written: The Human History of Failure, Parts I,II, and III. (There could be as many parts as you want.)
>
> You'd have so much material. It's almost hard to know where to begin.
>
> There's crying need for that book. This seems like the perfect historical moment for it, too.
>


Jost, I was going to write my dissertation on failure. but I couldn't. I didn't even try. Now I'm studying the subject of failure. It's very interdisciplinary. I can experience failure in any branch of academia.

PHYSICS F
ARCHERY F
SPECTROSCOPY & NUCLEAR MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING F
ETHNOMUSICOLOGY F
THE ENGLISH NOVEL F
LINEAR ALGEBRA F-
PRIMATE NERVOUS SYSTEMS F
INTRO TO BALLROOM DANCING F
DOKTOR FAUSTUS F

you see? There are so many opportunities to study failure!

-ll

 

Re: Goals for Saturday » llrrrpp

Posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 12:09:44

In reply to Goals for Saturday, posted by llrrrpp on August 19, 2006, at 10:15:09

LLrrrppp

You're a Peach, a PeaRL.

A woRLd tRaveLLeR.

You've accomplished more in three days than I have in---ooops-- self esteem board, forgot what I was going to say,

but you're too much.

Have a great visit with your H.

Jost

 

I Accomplished My Goal

Posted by Poet on August 19, 2006, at 17:28:08

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 12:09:44

I went to all five water aerobics classes. Even Friday night- even when my husband couldn't wait until I got home to order pizza, so there it was on the table as I was filling my water bottle to head to class. I could have stayed home, but I didn't. I ate it cold (which is okay I like cold pizza) after class and washed it down with wine. Also cold.

Poet

 

Re: Failing to fail! The ultimate failure!

Posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:08:54

In reply to Failing to fail! The ultimate failure! » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on August 19, 2006, at 10:23:52

Ll,

It is impossible to get an F in "The English Novel." I know this for a fact.

Jost

 

Re: Failing to fail! The ultimate failure!

Posted by finelinebob on August 19, 2006, at 23:37:22

In reply to Re: Failing to fail! The ultimate failure!, posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:08:54

> Ll,
>
> It is impossible to get an F in "The English Novel." I know this for a fact.
>
> Jost

ROFLMAO! That reminds me of one of my greatest failures: Physics 401.

It was the gatekeeper class to the higher mysteries (physics courses with numbers bigger than 401) and it was obvious I was doing terribly. If I didn't learn this stuff, trying to comprehend the even more complicated stuff would have been ludicrous.

So, I devised my Plan.

If I just did poorly, I could take the class again for no credit ... but what's the point in that? If I ***failed***, tho, I could take the course again for credit and the grades would be averaged on my record! I could take it again and having been through it once, and putting a little more effort into it, I could get an A!! Overall, I come out of it with a C and a much better understanding of the material.

So, I had already received D after D on all my tests. I thought this was a no-brainer, going into the final. I made a half-hearted attempt at half the test, then spent the rest of the designated time writing "I repeat myself while under stress" over and over again on the desktop. I handed in the test, one of the last to leave the room (talk about your self-torture!) and left convinced I had bagged an F in that class.

Then that bastage of a professor had to go and give me a C- in the class.

Yet another failure to fail. I couldn't take the class again for credit. I should have complained to the dean, but I probably would have lost that argument, too.

 

Re: Forget to include message » finelinebob

Posted by Poet on August 20, 2006, at 0:28:22

In reply to Re: Forget to include message, posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 19:44:02

Hi finelinebob,

Me a natural failure? If it's true I'm kind of proud. Wait, pride is self esteem, and failures don't have self esteem therefore... I really did get a F in geometry those damn indirect proofs tripped me up every time.

Poet

 

Re: Forget to include message » Poet

Posted by finelinebob on August 20, 2006, at 0:49:13

In reply to Re: Forget to include message » finelinebob, posted by Poet on August 20, 2006, at 0:28:22

Ah, but pride is sinful, so you've really mucked things up now.

If you think you can use pride over being a natural failure as a demonstration of self-esteem which is inconsistent with failure and then getting an F in geometry as a proof of your lack of self-esteem, well you just got tripped up again by one of those indirect proofs, dearie. You've failed, naturally, yet again in demonstrating that you have no self-esteem.

 

Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday

Posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 9:30:10

In reply to Re: Forget to include message » Poet, posted by finelinebob on August 20, 2006, at 0:49:13

I accomplished all Saturday goals, including raspberry sorbet with raspberries on top (note to curtm- no lemon sorbet at coldstone). I took pics of the cat. I will post them today, I think!

Sunday goals
Try not to sleep too much (I forgot my bottle of provigil @ home. I'm going to have to wait a few days until my friend can mail it to me)
Try to fix this computer, which has an archived copy of the entire hard-drive somewhere on the hard-drive. Have to find the archives, restore the music library and clean up all the permissions. Oh, and the best thing is that I have to install a printer, which started off this whole mess. The computer guy @ the store reformatted the harddrive, but neglected to install any of the printer drivers. grr!

other goal is to? I forgot already Oh goody, I've been up for 20 minutes, and I'm already ready for a nap! Well, it's sunday :)

-ll

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp

Posted by Jost on August 20, 2006, at 12:45:51

In reply to Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday, posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 9:30:10

Can;t remember. One of my goals yesterday was not to get involved on Admin. board. Did that. +++

Read for about 40 min.--although it was at 3 am. Ggugh. +-

Tried to make arrangements with someone I'm working with for week after I come back from hideous vacation that I agreed to go on with Sig O, and now am stuck going on. Sigh.

anyway, person starts saying, oh I can only work twice that week?? And I go, oh, okay. Well I have lots of time... so whenever you want to work???... and she said, I don't know my schedule but my classes at *** are over, so I'm going to take some classes at **** (excitement!)... and I say, oh. ..? [yeah...but remember you said when your classes were over you would have So Much Time To Work.....? I didn't say this, though).....

and she said, so, maybe twice that week???? and I said, well email me..... (and it da*n well better be at least three times, da*m it).... and she said, okay, I'll email.

Why can't I just tell her, "You Said We Were Going To Work More Often After Your [da*n] Classes Were Over , REMEMBER... remember you said that, every time you cancelled work when you had rehearsals/auditions/etc/soccer match final you "had" to watch/friend was coming to stay with you and etc/etc/etc????? and when you also said you were going home for 1-3 months instead of staying here for the year--so we would have to stop working at the end of September--for at least 1-3 months (if you don't change your mind completely by then, which is entirely possible)???"

Jost

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost

Posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 14:08:49

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 20, 2006, at 12:45:51

Good for you Jost, to stay off of Admin board. I find it so diificult to stay off. My last post bordered on hostile. I'm determined to stay off until September begins.

Can you tell this coworker that you were looking forward to the end of her classes so that you could get some serious work done on the project? Can you ask her right now, what her level of committment is on the project?

Can you ask her to tell you her schedule for the month of August and Sept, so that you can schedule your life too?

Sounds super frustrating. Well, I hope it doesn't affect your self-esteem. Is she 2nd author? (metaphorically speaking). Do you have any control or authority over her? Are there any consequences for her lack of effort?

Better just to clear things up at this point than to bottle up the frustration and let it boil over into the wee hours of the morning...

I hope your hideous vacation is not all hideous. Bring a camera, and try to take a picture of something neat every day. Even if it's just a baroque crack in a side walk. Grin and bear it. Take a lone walk if you need it, and don't forget the ice cream. Take some time for yourself, in the midst of all the hideousness- read a book, or get a frappucino. yawn. nap. etc.

Cheer up Jost! It's Sunday, and I think it's sunny where you are.

-ll

 

I have a new goal!!!!

Posted by finelinebob on August 20, 2006, at 22:54:43

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 14:08:49

Do my laundry in-between posts and quick enough to get to bed early enough so I can actually wake up for work. w00t! here I go....

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp

Posted by Jost on August 21, 2006, at 0:29:51

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 14:08:49

I wrote my co-worker an email to that effect.

Unfortunately, she's both more and less than a co-author. I need her a whole lot more than she needs me-- let's put it that way.

Unless some form of self-interest on her part coincides with my self-interest in this project-- and my self-interest unf. is much more--or deeper-- than hers-- I'm screwed.

Not that I doubt her intentions--if she exactly has them-- but they don't carry her that far. Although I do wonder when people don't bring this up-- after having made representations to the contrary--until they moment they're leaving-- or I bring it up. The ad-hocness of her reasons bothers me. Most people try to make it some obscure necessity, or some compelling out-of-their control force.

Either way, it's so the opposite of the way I am-- that I never quite believe that people are being calculating, or not doing their utmost to meet their commitment. But it is really obvious that they see me as pretty expendable, not in a mean way, just in a zero-sum way, where they're more determined (in a probably very good way) to be one, despite my then being zero, than I have to make it the other way around-- even if it should go the other way, for many reasons.

It's no use getting mad. Or, I should say, staying mad. It doesn't work for me. It does boil up every so often, and then I squelch it. It's about me and my work-- and I guess it's hard to feel that it's that important.

But I have to get more focussed on doing what I need to do, internally (ie working), and trying to put a little more pressure-- ie some--I mean being honest that I"m not happy, but not as if I'm mad-- that she did say she would do more, and that I expect her to do it. But if she doesn't, well, I'm disappointed. Period. Then move on.

I guess? I'm not good at this sort of thing.

So where are you now?

Jost

 

Monday goals (perhaps a suicide trigger*)

Posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 16:56:47

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 21, 2006, at 0:29:51

My goal for today is to stay awake (when necessary) and not lose my cool. You see, I'm away from home and I have forgotten one of my medications (provigil). Had an important errand to run, so no work for me today.

Let's see- nap from 8-9, 10-11, 12-12:30, 4:30-5:15. I'm in bad shape. Husband asked me which one of my meds is making me so sleepy. I said, probably the AD (cymbalta 90 mg). Why are you still taking it, he asked. Umm, because I'd rather be sleepy and happy than wide awake and wanting to kill myself. Asked if I was planning to be on these the rest of my life. um no, now, let me get back to sleep ZZZZzzzz. I'm about to pass out right now.

Fortunately, a friend is mailing my provigil to me and it should get here tomorrow or wednesday at the latest. *yawn*

In the meanwhile, my cat and I are on the same schedule, roughly.

-ll
p.s. I haven't lost my cool yet. hard to keep a good temper when so groggy, though.

 

Re: I have a new goal!!!! » finelinebob

Posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 16:57:47

In reply to I have a new goal!!!!, posted by finelinebob on August 20, 2006, at 22:54:43

Sounds great flb! I hope you get everything done, or at least enough so that you can wear clean clothes for the next few days :o)

-ll

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost

Posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 17:08:47

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 21, 2006, at 0:29:51

> I wrote my co-worker an email to that effect.
>
> Unfortunately, she's both more and less than a co-author. I need her a whole lot more than she needs me-- let's put it that way.

That's unfortunate for both of you-- her, because she's not responsible enough to get her sh*t together, and YOU, because she's holding you back.

> Unless some form of self-interest on her part coincides with my self-interest in this project-- and my self-interest unf. is much more--or deeper-- than hers-- I'm screwed.

Yes, well Ayn Rand is rubbing it in your face right now. So much for altruism, huh?

> Not that I doubt her intentions--if she exactly has them-- but they don't carry her that far. Although I do wonder when people don't bring this up-- after having made representations to the contrary--until they moment they're leaving-- or I bring it up. The ad-hocness of her reasons bothers me. Most people try to make it some obscure necessity, or some compelling out-of-their control force.
>
> Either way, it's so the opposite of the way I am-- that I never quite believe that people are being calculating, or not doing their utmost to meet their commitment. But it is really obvious that they see me as pretty expendable, not in a mean way, just in a zero-sum way, where they're more determined (in a probably very good way) to be one, despite my then being zero, than I have to make it the other way around-- even if it should go the other way, for many reasons.


WHOA there!!! JOST- you are NOT expendable. You can't let this weak minded immature coworker trick you into thinking you're expendable. Perhaps this project is expendable, in her eyes, but YOU, Jost, are much more than this project. Don't talk about my friend Jost like that! You're about to hurt my feelings. And I don't think she sounds like a calculating kind of person, but that doesn't mean that her carelessness is not hurtful. I wouldn't let this unfortunate situation affect your view of who you are in the big scheme of things. After all, you only work with her maybe 3 times a week, right?

> It's no use getting mad. Or, I should say, staying mad. It doesn't work for me. It does boil up every so often, and then I squelch it. It's about me and my work-- and I guess it's hard to feel that it's that important.

Well, it's important to you, if not to her. Take pride in the parts that you are responsible for. Try to find the feeling that you got when you started on the project, or when you get a special spark and meet a deadline. Try to look forward to wrapping this collaboration up and starting on something new.

> But I have to get more focussed on doing what I need to do, internally (ie working), and trying to put a little more pressure-- ie some--I mean being honest that I"m not happy, but not as if I'm mad-- that she did say she would do more, and that I expect her to do it. But if she doesn't, well, I'm disappointed. Period. Then move on.

> I guess? I'm not good at this sort of thing.

me neither.

> So where are you now?

somewhere in between NYC and the North Pole. I can smell the ocean. Sending you a sea breeze (((Jost))) -ll

 

Re: Monday goals (perhaps a suicide trigger*) » llrrrpp

Posted by curtm on August 21, 2006, at 17:30:32

In reply to Monday goals (perhaps a suicide trigger*), posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 16:56:47

That is wonderful that your hubby passed the test! (salutes) I am proud to have him as a fellow citizen! Please tell him I said that.

A crouton is not a crouton without a lollipop! You can tell him that too, but he might think I'm a little crazy.

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp

Posted by Jost on August 22, 2006, at 16:43:16

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on August 21, 2006, at 17:08:47

Thanks for your kind words, ll.

The situation is not going well. I'm really very angry about it, or will be, I'm afraid, if/when I think about it.

I'll have to post about it later, because I'm at this Vermont spot where I'm supposed to be about to do something nice.

I've been really curmudgeonly all day. Probably because I got the most frustrating email from her last night.

Also from someone else I've been trying to set things up with. Grrrwaaah.

Later tonight, I'll try to get my thoughts about it together.

I greatly appreciate your wafting a sea breeze my way. That must have been that great scent around here. Although Vermont is very green (I must say), every so often, there's this funny fresh salty-soury-clean-clear misty smell. Wondered what it was.

bah. It does make me feel bad about myself (I mean the emails/lack of living up to promises. I probably am doing something that makes it easier, too.)

Jost

 

Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday

Posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 17:45:39

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 22, 2006, at 16:43:16

Well, enjoy lovely green Vermont. I'm in N. England myself right now. I hope to do some woodsy camping this weekend. any recommendations?

Don't open emails from her anymore. just enjoy the deep air there. breathe.

and know that your friends on p-babble care about Jost and don't think bad things of you at all.

you sound like you're suffering from vitamin Schoko deficiency. (((((((Jost))))))))

-ll

 

Goals for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

Posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 18:00:45

In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 22, 2006, at 16:43:16

Folks, I have turned into a lumpy pile of fuzzy cat-mind. I can only think as far as my next nap.

Cause? I left my provigil at home. Friend mailed it to me, expected arrival date is Wednesday. Pray for me.

Effect: Can't think straight. Yawning so deep it makes my knees buckle. I slept 9 hours last night, and then have napped for another 5 hours today. No memory. No work getting done. I can hardly read without passing out.

Goals:
1)to finish reading a book about eating frogs. It's about breaking the cycle of procrastination. I think I am not really up to doing the exercises, but I can at least read it, until the little white tablets arrive. "Eat frog"

2)to not ruin my trip to visit husband: i.e. napping when he is at work or driving, not when we're having quality time, or when we need to be working together, (I lay on the floor in fetal position while he made dinner and cleaned up afterwards. I suck)

3)to keep my wits about me and not allow myself to succomb to stressful situations by crying, isolating, and depressing myself. to avoid the thought patterns of self-hate that come up so naturally when I am not getting ANY work done, and not helping out around the house at all.

4)to eat ice cream and play with my cat. I have taken a nap with her this afternoon. It was so sweet (((my cat)))

5)oh. i forgot already. yes!! I remembered- NOT to post on admin until the month of September begins. it's getting heated over there, and that kind of stress is just what I DONT need. deputies, you're doing a great job keeping up. Where's Dr. Bob? You guys have been putting in over-time in an all out assault on the admin board. I'm impressed by all babblers who can visit and spread cheer, rather than animosity.

6)wear clothes that don't look as sleepy as I feel.

-ll

 

Re: Goals for Friday: Kernel Panic » llrrrpp

Posted by llrrrpp on August 25, 2006, at 8:17:11

In reply to Goals for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 18:00:45

Here are the written goals:
Get iced coffee
find a campground
check the weather this weekend
fix kernel panic in iMac
code 1 DVD
look @ data from analyst
clean the desk
enroll in dental plan
chat with crouton
babble-break
check email

pack camping stuff and overnight bag, incl bikes and helmets
prepare directions
pack DVD machine and headphones and DVDs

Here's my progress
fix kernel panic- attempted to reboot using powermac and iMac linked in firewire mode- to enable me to see whether a file has gotten misplaced, and correct permissions, etc. NO such luck. Next, ran Apple Hardware test. No problems detected. Darwin Kernel 8.7.0 ...panic: We are hanging here.

Hello, ME TOO. I'm about to start crying again. dammit. I don't know how transferring my music library and the printer drivers to the iMac could have caused a kernel panic. GRRR!!! I wish the iMac had OSX 10.4 Tiger. It's on OSX 10.3 Panther. Hold on! I had a dream about a black panther 2 nights ago. It was sleek, and very domesticated. It was exactly like a sweet housecat, only larger and baritone.

Cleaned the desk. Now it's organized. I still cannot think, however. F*ck.

Checked my e-mail. yep. No more nasties from the coworkers trying to ostracize the one chick for being different. The one chick called me last week, and was VERY upset. I soothed her somewhat uncollected, disorganized emotions. Tried to get her to see things from an American Perspective. She's E. Asian. Poor thing doesn't even know that people are setting her up. Taking advantage of her manners and naivete.

Babble-break. Currently in progress.

Mental health goals- See the abyss? it's in front of me. I'm headed for it. I fee kind of out of control of my own feelings. Reacting too strongly to silly things like TV and books. Triggered too easily. Angered too easily. Have the tightness in my chest that signals anxiety. GOAL. Take a left turn (sinestre) and find an oasis of date palms just west of the abyss. Eat real meals, not just impulsive snacks. Get some nutrients. Relax my furrowed brow. Smile at the lady when I go get my iced coffee (presently). Do some real work, not this pseudo-work that is causing an otherwise healthy computer to go into kernel panic. WHY? I have no idea why the damn thing is in kernel panic. I didn't do anything wrong. Just followed the freakin' directions.

still reading? still convinced I have a lovely temperament? I wish I could temper my temperament. Like chocolate. Heat it up, then bring it down to a cozy 85 degrees and hold it there in uncrystallized idyll indefinitely.

I know why the kernel panic is wigging me out. It's because *I* have to fix it before I leave this place in 4 days. Husband is useless, and I have completely botched what was to be a "repair" haha.

Signing off to go get the world's best iced coffee. Can't tell you where. It would disclose my location. Lemme just say that nearby there is a road where Dunkin Donuts is right next to Tim Horton's is right next to Starbucks. And it's at NONE of those places. Rather, it's in a cute indie cafe with a hewed stone counter. If they're out of iced coffee, I might just apply said counter to my temple. oh yes.

T? pdoc? you guys listening? Got some suggestions for me so that have a kernel panic: We are hanging here.


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Psycho-Babble Self-Esteem | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

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