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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 82. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on November 8, 2010, at 21:05:45
My theory on why I am so attached to Dr. Bob:
Ever since I was a small child, I've had an extremely active imagination. Most of my play was pretend play. I pretended with my sister a lot. We used toys, give them voices and made them talk to each other. Or we would just pretend today without toys. I'd say 99% of my play was pretend play, with the other 1% being riding bikes or whatever.
Pretending was how I coped with life. I was an extremely anxious child. I prefered to imagine things in my head rather than play with the other children. Every recess I would walk around and around the playground, all by myself, imagining things. I did this both at school and at home. At home I would pace back and forth for hours on end, using my imagination to entertain myself.
I grew attached to my plush toys, especially to Meow Meow in particular. I think I got him when I was 4. I still have him today! I would bring Meow Meow with me everywhere and pretend a lot with him.
I used Meow Meow and my other plush toys for pretending well into my teens. They were like real people to me.
I don't play with my plush toys anymore now though.
Here is my theory: I never stopped pretending or having an imaginary friend. When I got way too old for Meow Meow and found Dr. Bob, somehow Dr. Bob became the new Meow Meow. Dr. Bob essentially replaced Meow Meow for me as my main imaginary friend. That also explains why I get such an inexplicable feeling of cuteness when I think of Dr. Bob.
I think having an imaginary friend has helped my cope with life since I was a small child. I guess I just never outgrew the need for an imaginary friend.
Posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 7:20:22
In reply to My theory on why I love Dr. Bob, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2010, at 21:05:45
I understand your point.
As you know, this expression of your coping openly and the need to do this publically has been a contentious point for me. Maybe the Dr. Bob of your mind is imaginary and does help you cope. The Dr. Bob of these boards is not imaginary. I accept that Dr. Bob allows your posts of "wuv" and "cuteness" but I have never thought they were in the best interest of the functioning of the boards. They make me feel unsettled about being here and participating.
I don't begrudge you your coping. I believe the "relationship" does not belong on these boards. The boards are (as I understand it) primarily for participants poster with Dr. Bob as the Adm. of the boards. I have always wished personal messages to and about Dr. Bob - not related to board functions - were kept private.
I am aware others don't share my ideas but I think the expression of my thoughts are as valid as anyone's.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on November 9, 2010, at 7:50:41
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob » Deneb, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 7:20:22
> I understand your point.
>
> As you know, this expression of your coping openly and the need to do this publically has been a contentious point for me. Maybe the Dr. Bob of your mind is imaginary and does help you cope. The Dr. Bob of these boards is not imaginary. I accept that Dr. Bob allows your posts of "wuv" and "cuteness" but I have never thought they were in the best interest of the functioning of the boards. They make me feel unsettled about being here and participating.
>
> I don't begrudge you your coping. I believe the "relationship" does not belong on these boards. The boards are (as I understand it) primarily for participants poster with Dr. Bob as the Adm. of the boards. I have always wished personal messages to and about Dr. Bob - not related to board functions - were kept private.
>
> I am aware others don't share my ideas but I think the expression of my thoughts are as valid as anyone's.I feel the same way and have not been able to express it.
PartlyCloudy
Posted by Glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 9:10:25
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob » glydin50, posted by PartlyCloudy on November 9, 2010, at 7:50:41
To be clear, it is difficult to give address about a behavior when one or few posters are involved. This situation is unique to any I have encountered on net message boards. I AM speaking of the behavior and I am relating it to the impact (I) believe it is to the board's mission and function.
I would feel the same if I saw this from any poster. It has given and continues to give me concerns.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on November 9, 2010, at 9:18:53
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob, posted by Glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 9:10:25
> To be clear, it is difficult to give address about a behavior when one or few posters are involved. This situation is unique to any I have encountered on net message boards. I AM speaking of the behavior and I am relating it to the impact (I) believe it is to the board's mission and function.
>
> I would feel the same if I saw this from any poster. It has given and continues to give me concerns.Correct. That it has never been addressed is a concern in itself for me.
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 9, 2010, at 10:38:11
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob » Deneb, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 7:20:22
> I accept that Dr. Bob allows your posts of "wuv" and "cuteness" but I have never thought they were in the best interest of the functioning of the boards. They make me feel unsettled about being here and participating.
> What I been trying to teach:
>
> > -to accept ALL parts
> > -to get to know the parts and what they want/need
> > -to understand that they there for a reason
> > -to try and not shove parts away, but listen to themhttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/969343.html
even the parts who are loving
even the parts who are unsettledBob
Posted by fayeroe on November 9, 2010, at 11:46:58
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob » Deneb, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 7:20:22
> I understand your point.
>
> As you know, this expression of your coping openly and the need to do this publically has been a contentious point for me. Maybe the Dr. Bob of your mind is imaginary and does help you cope. The Dr. Bob of these boards is not imaginary. I accept that Dr. Bob allows your posts of "wuv" and "cuteness" but I have never thought they were in the best interest of the functioning of the boards. They make me feel unsettled about being here and participating.
>
> I don't begrudge you your coping. I believe the "relationship" does not belong on these boards. The boards are (as I understand it) primarily for participants poster with Dr. Bob as the Adm. of the boards. I have always wished personal messages to and about Dr. Bob - not related to board functions - were kept private.
>
> I am aware others don't share my ideas but I think the expression of my thoughts are as valid as anyone's.It's inappropriate, unsettling and unheard of on other mental health support forums.
Posted by Glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 12:57:54
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » glydin50, posted by fayeroe on November 9, 2010, at 11:46:58
My *hope* is, seeing as there is an inclusion and allowance of the aforementioned posts, that posts that do not agree will also be tolerated so long as guidelines are followed.
I dislike the thought that one person's need for expression trumps another's just because the points are in disagreement.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 13:54:09
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by Glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 12:57:54
Why is it that people have a problem with my "I love Dr. Bob" posts and not with all the "I hate Dr. Bob" posts?
I don't think my loving Dr. Bob is unhealthy at all. I just talked to pdoc about this today and she thinks it is much better than hating Dr. Bob.
She thinks I love Dr. Bob because loving him is safe. She thinks Dr. Bob is safe because Dr. Bob is unavailable.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 9, 2010, at 14:00:13
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Glydin50, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 13:54:09
>She thinks I love Dr. Bob because loving him is safe. She thinks Dr. Bob is safe because Dr. Bob is unavailable.
I guess that's it. And, I suppose you don't really *know* Dr. Bob, so the Dr. Bob that you love isn't the real Dr. Bob, but what you imagine Dr. Bob to be like. So it's pretend, like Meow Meow.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 14:03:18
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Glydin50, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 13:54:09
Dr. Bob also doesn't encourage my loving posts at all. Just look at this thread, he took away the love part in the subject heading. LOL I have plenty of insight. LOL
I think Dr. Bob tolerates all sorts of posts as long as they are civil. It's much easier for my posts to be civil because I am only being positive. Other posts that are against my loving posts have a harder time of being 100% civil just due to them being against something. It's not personal. I find Dr. Bob tolerates all sorts of posts as long as they are civil.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 14:04:52
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by ed_uk2010 on November 9, 2010, at 14:00:13
> >She thinks I love Dr. Bob because loving him is safe. She thinks Dr. Bob is safe because Dr. Bob is unavailable.
>
> I guess that's it. And, I suppose you don't really *know* Dr. Bob, so the Dr. Bob that you love isn't the real Dr. Bob, but what you imagine Dr. Bob to be like. So it's pretend, like Meow Meow.
>Yeah. :-) It is pretend, like Meow Meow. (((((Meow Meow))))) LOL
Posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 15:03:40
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Glydin50, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 13:54:09
> Why is it that people have a problem with my "I love Dr. Bob" posts and not with all the "I hate Dr. Bob" posts?
>
How very simply Astute.Solstice
Posted by fayeroe on November 9, 2010, at 15:25:08
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 14:03:18
What does your posts about "luv" have to do with the administration of this website?
Posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 15:58:28
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Glydin50, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2010, at 13:54:09
> Why is it that people have a problem with my "I love Dr. Bob" posts and not with all the "I hate Dr. Bob" posts?
>~~~ I see a problem w/ anyone posting posts declaring hate towards Dr. Bob.
> I don't think my loving Dr. Bob is unhealthy at all. I just talked to pdoc about this today and she thinks it is much better than hating Dr. Bob.
>
> She thinks I love Dr. Bob because loving him is safe. She thinks Dr. Bob is safe because Dr. Bob is unavailable.~~~ It is good, imo, you explore this w/ your pdoc. It's up to no one here to truly judge if your "loving Bob" is healthy or not. My issue has been the public posting of the posts as I do not appreciate how they fit into the following: 1) Dr. Bob - the BOARD'S Dr. Bob not any imaginary emigma Dr. Bob - is the owner and Adm. of the site, not a poster. These boards state they are for mutual support and education primarily by posters. 2) The Adm Board is designed to address the operation of this site.
This only appears "personal" because the behavior is limited to one poster..... that does make it a tippy toe situation that seems a bit unfair. One poster can express at will and have their posts always accepted and the other - even if civil - can't? *If* I see an issue that I believe effects the board, I hope, if I am civil, I have the same priledge to express how I feel also. Maybe.... that is a NEED of mine as important as the needs of any other.
Posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 16:14:17
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Deneb, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 15:58:28
I'm wondering... what would it look like if those who are uncomfortable with Deneb's posts about her love for Bob being posted on Admin.. didn't engage in discussion about it on Admin? Maybe it would be a 1 post thread on Admin instead of a 16-post thread?
Solstice
Posted by 10derheart on November 9, 2010, at 16:26:03
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 15:03:40
absolutely. quite astute and I have wondered this myself.
I guess that's because I do frequently feel unsettled and uncomfortable when reading certain types of negative posts about Dr. Bob. Not that my feelings make them 'right' or 'wrong', accurate or inaccurate, of course. Those value determinations are usually not so black and white.
It does seem like something pretty important to examine, though.
(thanks, Deneb :-) )
Posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 16:27:25
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 16:14:17
So... the opinions not in agreement move and the love posts remain part of the Adm. board?
Btw, this type of discussion and those type posts have been suggested for the Social Board. The archives will yield the results of that...
Posted by 10derheart on November 9, 2010, at 16:41:39
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.., posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 16:14:17
>Maybe it would be a 1 post thread on Admin instead of a 16-post thread?
yes, and I think Deneb will confirm that has happened, i.e., no one responds. And I don't even think she minds terribly either because she has come to understand and also she does it more for herself (and the idea at least Dr. Bob will see it). [Deneb, *please* feel free to correct me if I am wrong here...]
Of course, it's a bit of a conundrum. Those who feel strongly that Dr. Bob should discourage (or not allow even) this kind of posting may feel that by even bringing up the option of non-response, *their* own needs are being stifled. I can see that. OTOH, it may encourage or make more likely more posts about Deneb's feelings for Dr. Bob by more and more posts discussing different aspects in a thread such as this and others in the past.
I don't have the solution, I'm afraid.
Personally, I like all the posts as long as they remain respectful. I think it's because I feel I learn things about myself and my own feelings about love in all its aspects, and expressing it for real and/or imaginary figures. And about how others feel differnly or the same as me. Fascinating.
I do worry when a thread like this begins, though, based on past experience especially as a deputy.I think we have to be careful not to lead Deneb to feel put down by labeling her posts or posting topic/style with negative adjectives. As well as not labeling those posts from posters who prefer she not do it. It can happen so very easily, but less if you stop and think and re-read....I know I've had to. Not just in this thread/topic, but I mean ALL the time when I choose to post.
Just a reminder...
Posted by 10derheart on November 9, 2010, at 16:44:51
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Solstice, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 16:27:25
> So... the opinions not in agreement move and the love posts remain part of the Adm. board?
Hmm...I thought Solstice meant that if no one responded (therefore no posts expressing non-agreement) there would be no thread on any board, just this first post whenever Deneb feels like expressing herself.Did I read that wrong?
Posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 16:55:19
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Solstice, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 16:27:25
> So... the opinions not in agreement move and the love posts remain part of the Adm. board?
>Not at all. It's just that if a particular type of thread bothered me (and it doesn't), I'd be likely to avoid increasing it's 'life.'
If members show up to post about their objections, you can be sure that others will post their support of Deneb finding her way as best as she can. She harms no one. She's kind of like a butterfly to me... these kinds of posts are generally like little sparkles that float down and hit here, and there.. sometimes randomly.. but usually sweetly.. and I just can't figure out how to have a problem with someone feeling love and wanting to talk about it.
The world has a dearth of affirmation... I welcome all of it... any of it... of all types... from anywhere.
It makes me smile.
Solstice
Posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 17:31:54
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » glydin50, posted by Solstice on November 9, 2010, at 16:55:19
> > So... the opinions not in agreement move and the love posts remain part of the Adm. board?
> >
>
> Not at all. It's just that if a particular type of thread bothered me (and it doesn't), I'd be likely to avoid increasing it's 'life.'
>~~~ I appreciate your additional info. Generally, I avoid giving attention except rarely when I feel as if I would like my feelings known. I have asked Dr. Bob to at least revisit his stance from time to time. As 10er's post addressed, I admit to feeling silenced because of a number of factors. It's a "Handle like a rotten egg" topic that requires wordsmithing.... : )
I understand others are not bothered. I accept that. I also accept my dislikes are not going to cause any policy changes. No one has to agree w/ me but I would like to have my privledge to post my feelings just as other posters can post their feelings.
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 9, 2010, at 19:39:10
In reply to Re: My theory on why I love Dr. Bob.. » Deneb, posted by glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 15:58:28
> I dislike the thought that one person's need for expression trumps another's just because the points are in disagreement.
>
> Glydin50What need of one person is trumping what need of someone else?
--
> It's much easier for my posts to be civil because I am only being positive. Other posts that are against my loving posts have a harder time of being 100% civil just due to them being against something.
>
> DenebThat applies to faith and politics, too, BTW.
Hating is safe:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/969240.html
Loving is being vulnerable.
--
> What does your posts about "luv" have to do with the administration of this website?
>
> fayeroe> Dr. Bob - the BOARD'S Dr. Bob not any imaginary emigma Dr. Bob - is the owner and Adm. of the site
>
> glydin50What do posts about hate have to do with the administration of this web site? Their Dr. Bob is imaginary, too. Their current version of Grrr Grrr.
Bob
Posted by Free on November 9, 2010, at 19:48:52
In reply to Re: My theory, posted by Dr. Bob on November 9, 2010, at 19:39:10
>
>Their Dr. Bob is imaginary, too. Their current version of Grrr Grrr.
>
> BobHow about a Grrr-Meow? It's Imaginary-Bob, version 3.0.
Are you exhausted, too?
Time to grab a drink. I suggest Chimay. Red.
Posted by Glydin50 on November 9, 2010, at 20:54:19
In reply to Re: My theory, posted by Dr. Bob on November 9, 2010, at 19:39:10
> > I dislike the thought that one person's need for expression trumps another's just because the points are in disagreement.
> >
> > Glydin50
>
> What need of one person is trumping what need of someone else?
>~~~ I have an answer for that question but have no desire to drown in the boiling vat of incivility I am sure I would find myself :)
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