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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by Scott Hendrix on March 17, 2002, at 0:54:11
Scott
I'm new here too. I'm severely depressed and going through a very rough time in this last week. I don't know if you saw my earlier post, I wanted to kill myself this week. I have constant suicidal thoughts. :( I'm not bi-polar, at least that's not how I was diagnosed even though I have had manic episodes last year but I do know what you're going through. I've been there done that. If everybody would just leave me alone I would be doing EXACTLY the same as you. I would be VERY content to lay on the couch all day and watch mindless hours of TV or sit at this computer. I'm on here alot too. I don't see friends either. I was referring to online friends. They didn't tell me that they were abandoning me themselves, a mutual friend told me. But I know its true because I have my AIM up and they are ignoring me as well as we all frequent another message board and they're ignoring me there too. It REALLY hurts ALOT!!!! I've known them for a LONG time. It also makes me very angry. Anger seems to be my new friend. It is soooo not me. I don't even know this 'person' who has taken over my body and my mind. And where did the 'real' me go???? How long have you been dealing with this? What meds are you on? Do they help? I don't really have any suggestions for you cuz I'm fighting the same thing. Only diff with me is that LIFE is forcing me to work or I won't get paid. The almighty dollar is speaking LOUD and clear. I can't ignore it or I'll lose everything. I'm very close to that now. :( Where do you live Scott? I'm in Toronto, Canada. Write me back, k? I'd like to learn more about you. :)
Angel Girl
> Angel, I am new to this board so I really don't know your history, but I struggle with this alot myself. I feel like my constant swings of being in Good Spirits and Talkative, Parties, Being Around Friends etc.. then suddenly NOT being around them at all and secluding myself into my home except for work causes them to think that I am not a real friend. I don't know this but I have come to this conclusion. I am in the domant state right now. I don't want to leave the house, I spend endless hours on this damn computer. I actually enjoy it more that spending time with friends. I sleep on and off during the day, and get on the computer, get bored and then fall asleep. I have managed to turn off my feelings towards my friends feelings of wanting me to go and do things with them. They don't call as often anymore. I know that eventually I will come out of my shell again and go out and have a great time, but just not all the time anymore. I am 27 going on 28 in a few months (Gemini). I just don't see the spark or energy in going out and doing things with other people anymore. The only way for me to get that way is to get messed up on alcohol or other things. I am tring to kick all habits and it is hard. I am bi-polar, used to be mixed, with moods changing rapidly. Now it seems I have slipped into lull. I have very decreased energy and no appitite for life or work recently about the past two months, I am tring to kick my self back into semi manic mode to get out of this lull. Any suggestions. I know its alot... I have lost friends because of my irrational behavior as well but none have come out and told me that is why and I haven't asked.
>
> > I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
> >
> > How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
hi scott and angel girl
just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
peaceshanti
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
Please write me an email!
Sincerely,
SueDoeN
P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
SueDoeN@aol.com
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
> hi scott and angel girl
>
> just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
>
> angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
>
> one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
>
> happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> peace
>
> shanti
Hi shantiI feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 10:28:43
In reply to Friend? I'll apply! RE: Angel, Scott, Shanti » Shanti, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
> Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
>
> I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
> I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
> Please write me an email!
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeN
> P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
> SueDoeN@aol.com
SueDoeThanks sweetie. I appreciate the email addy. I can't help you with the instant messaging thing. Although I have it, somebody had to walk me through it. I'm computer iliterate. I personally have AOL instant messanger. If that is the one you want, just go to aol.com and pick a name and follow the directions. Good luck!!! There are other instant messangers too.
Thanks again, it really is hard to go through this all alone or to see everybody dropping out of your life, slowly one by one.
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 12:15:06
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
> > hi scott and angel girl
> >
> > just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
> >
> > angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
> >
> > one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
> >
> > happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> > peace
> >
> > shanti
>
>
> Hi shanti
>
> I feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
>
> I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
>
> Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
>
> My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
>
> Angel Girlhey girl don't be sad. i have to take my son right now to do some things and spend some time with him but when i get home i will post later because i want to reply to you so keep your head and chin up, enjoy your sunday and i will talk to you later
peace
your friend,
shanti
Posted by Nei Gan on March 17, 2002, at 12:29:13
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by shelia on February 20, 2002, at 13:47:10
Have experienced almost all the withdrawal symptoms posted here. sheila's post of Feb 20, 2002 led me to this site: http://depression.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.socialaudit.org.uk/4200wjgi.htm
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
In reply to Re: Friend? I'll apply! RE: Angel, Scott, Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 10:28:43
That tells me enough, I know how to do the AOL buddy list thing. Just put me on your buddy list. (SueDoeN) What is your screen name?
>
Sincerely,
SueDoeN
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 16:02:55
In reply to To Angel: » Angel Girl, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
> Hey Guys, I would love to be part of this chat room or email or whatever you decided to do.
Angel, I don't live in Canada. I live in the U.S. but how I look at it - it gives you a place to visit. I know we all have been in that dark ulgy place and it is so nice to have friends that understand...
hope to talk soon,
Renee
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 16:40:54
In reply to Re: To Angel,Scott, Shanti and Sue, posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 16:02:55
> > Hey Guys, I would love to be part of this chat room or email or whatever you decided to do.
hope to talk soon,
>
>
> ReneeThat's great, Renee! Please drop me a line
SueDoeN@aol.comThanks!! I'll be waiting by the mailbox!
Sue
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 16:51:58
In reply to To Angel: » Angel Girl, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
> That tells me enough, I know how to do the AOL buddy list thing. Just put me on your buddy list. (SueDoeN) What is your screen name?
> >
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeN
SueDoeNI'm scared. I've lost most of my friends this week and I can't go through that again. If I was to join, I am opening myself up to be abandoned. I'm REALLY scared. I'm EXTREMELY fragile right now. :(
I even sent my 'friends' that have abandoned me an email telling them how they have hurt me and even though one of them has been online, she never replied. I am so incredibly hurt and feel absolutely CRUSHED!!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 17:01:00
In reply to Re: To Angel: SueDoeN, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 16:51:58
I'm scared. I've lost most of my friends this week and I can't go through that again. If I was to join, I am opening myself up to be abandoned. I'm REALLY scared. I'm EXTREMELY fragile right now. :(
>
I can't say I would always be here. Because sometimes my mania draws me off into strange lands. But maybe you can enjoy me when I'm here! Why don't you just put my name on your buddy list and you'll know when I am online. You don't need to write, just know I must be doing Okay whenever you see me here!
sincerely,
Sue
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 18:13:05
In reply to Nevergiveup: You're awesome!! » nevergiveup1962, posted by Sue Doe on March 15, 2002, at 21:26:23
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 18:25:33
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by Nei Gan on March 17, 2002, at 12:29:13
Thanks for the info!!!
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 19:16:30
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
> Hi Angel, I would like to be a friend. I know how it feels to lose and to be hurt by special people in your life. My parents weren't the greatest role models either. My father was extremely abusive and both were/are alcoholics. I watched as my father beat the hell out of my Mother and as I got older and would step in so my dad wouldn't get my Mother it would happen to me. I was told I would never amount to anything and Angel, I could go on for days... I can't imagine anything worse than being hurt by the two people that are suppose to love and nuture you. This wonderful beginning would lead me to many more heartbreaks with my sisters, brothers, friends and spouse. I was divorced when my daughter was three years old. Anyway, I can relate and I am a great listener. I would like to give you my email address. I used to be on aol know I am on earthlink, but use aol messanger. My email address is Reneeb724@earthlink.net
Anytime you need to talk.
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 19:27:58
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 15:07:30
> Hi Shanti, I have to say that you seem like a real sweetheart!! You have had many nice things to say to Angel that I thought were very encouraging. I hope that you are close enough to meet up with Angel. I live in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois. Not to close by , but a great road trip. LOL
Talk to you soon,
Renee
Posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 19:54:15
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » Shanti, posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 19:27:58
Hey ladies, I too would be interested in chatting with each of you but I have so little free time. Could we maybe create a specific chat room and try to establish certain times when we might all get together to talk (such as Sunday mornings or Tuesday evenings for example)? I'm not so sure that would work since we are probably all in different time zones and have differing committments but I thought I might suggest it. I could use Yahoo or AOL of whatever worked for you. I appreciate the support each of you has provided for me and other people and would enjoy a more interactive method of "talking" and sharing with you. By the way, I have been off Effexor for a few weeks now and I think I am finally withdrawl symptom free except for the occasional fleeting waves of vertigo. Yipee! I have a bottle of Wellbutrin waiting for me to try but I am holding off to see if I can handle just being me. I also finally made contact with a psychiatrist so that someone other than my gyn can evaluate me and perhaps monitor my meds if I go that route. I have had a few scary "crash and burn" moments lately, one of which prompted my call to the psychiatrist. Wouldn't you know though, I called last Tuesday and her recording said she'd return all calls within 48 hours. It's Sunday night and I haven't heard from her....Anyway, let me know if any of you think this idea would work. Take care...
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 20:10:23
In reply to Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 19:54:15
hi susan great idea; i keep getting posts and want to respond and now have some e-mail addresses but limited time and sooo much to say!are you going to orgainize it? i live in Windsor, ON Canada ET Zone right now i am into my 5th month of a 1 year mat. leave so i do have a little more of an option for the time being.
hope to hear from you soon
peace
shanti
Posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:05:42
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 20:10:23
I'm glad you're interested Shanti. I am somewhat lame when it comes to this kind of thing and I was hoping someone else would have some great ideas of how to pull it off. If no one else does, I will bumble through. Volunteers?
Posted by Willow on March 17, 2002, at 21:40:42
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:05:42
There is a small group of us that chat regularly at "psycho-babble open," a link is provided down below. We're usually there in the late evening but also if you post that chat is open on social some of the regulars will drop in regardless of the time. (It may take an hour or so.) It's always easier if you post a day and time in advance if you have a specific time in mind.
The more the merrier.
BEST WISHES
Willow
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 21:42:12
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:05:42
hi susan
your funny! you can do it but i can certainly help. i just emailed suedoe and let her know as well
why don't you get yours together and i'll get mine (maybe the same) then discuss times, etc. why don't you throw out the first time that you think would be good! and we will start from there. as for setting up a chat room "help" i would not be of assistance someone is going to have to walk me through on how to get there.
talk soon
peace
shanti
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 21:42:45
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:05:42
hi susan
your funny! you can do it but i can certainly help. i just emailed suedoe and let her know as well
why don't you get yours together and i'll get mine (maybe the same) then discuss times, etc. why don't you throw out the first time that you think would be good! and we will start from there. as for setting up a chat room "help" i would not be of assistance someone is going to have to walk me through on how to get there.
talk soon
peace
shanti
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 21:43:20
In reply to Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 19:54:15
> Hey ladies, I too would be interested in chatting with each of you but I have so little free time. Could we maybe create a specific chat room and try to establish certain times when we might all get together to talk (such as Sunday mornings or Tuesday evenings for example)? I'm not so sure that would work since we are probably all in different time zones and have differing committments but I thought I might suggest it. I could use Yahoo or AOL of whatever worked for you. I appreciate the support each of you has provided for me and other people and would enjoy a more interactive method of "talking" and sharing with you. By the way, I have been off Effexor for a few weeks now and I think I am finally withdrawl symptom free except for the occasional fleeting waves of vertigo. Yipee! I have a bottle of Wellbutrin waiting for me to try but I am holding off to see if I can handle just being me. I also finally made contact with a psychiatrist so that someone other than my gyn can evaluate me and perhaps monitor my meds if I go that route. I have had a few scary "crash and burn" moments lately, one of which prompted my call to the psychiatrist. Wouldn't you know though, I called last Tuesday and her recording said she'd return all calls within 48 hours. It's Sunday night and I haven't heard from her....Anyway, let me know if any of you think this idea would work. Take care...
Hi Susan, we will have to come up with a good time for everyone. Where do you live? I guess better question is what time zone - LOLThis could work!
Take care,
Renee
Posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:48:25
In reply to Re: Let's talk » SusanG, posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 21:43:20
I'm on the west coast...Pacific time. I would most often be available between 3:30 PM and 9 PM Pacific Time weekdays and just about anytime before 9 PM (Pacific) on weekends. I hope this works for everyone else. Take care...Sue
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 23:19:47
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by SusanG on March 17, 2002, at 21:48:25
hi
must go to bed, must go to bed!
let me figure out the time difference and the day that would be good for me and then we will gather others as well and go from there
good night
shanti
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