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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1832 to 1856 of 10407. Go back in thread:
Posted by LisaDiann on March 16, 2002, at 0:13:04
In reply to Re: weird symptom » LisaDiann, posted by Reneeb on March 6, 2002, at 17:07:15
Hi everybody.....
Thought I would update everybody on my effexor withdrawals. I'm FINALLY getting over the brain zaps from going cold turkey about 5 weeks ago. I'm taking alot of vitamins now and exercising and trying to stay off all antidrepressants. I want to see if I can cope on my own...so far I'm doing great. I even plan to stop smoking after 25 years!!! I figure if I can make it thru the withdrawals cold turkey I should be able to stop smoking. I'm tired of relying on meds and nicotine....time to try to take charge of my life. I'm very lucky that I have a supportive husband and my own business here at home or I know I would have neverrrr made it going off the effexor cold turkey....I do still take xanax twice a day for anxiety (not giving that up) lol.
I want to tell you people how thankful I am for all the posts...its really great to know you're not alone.
You will all be in my prayers....I know what you all are going thru....it will get better, just try to be patient and hang in there.
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 0:28:43
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by LisaDiann on March 16, 2002, at 0:13:04
> Hi everybody.....
> Thought I would update everybody on my effexor withdrawals. I'm FINALLY getting over the brain zaps from going cold turkey about 5 weeks ago.I, too, have thrown out the bottle [medicine bottle that is], so to speak. I dropped effexor on March 3. I wouldn't call my withdrawal symptoms severe. At least not yet. I have had some bad days, but I have been working on my little farm again. I haven't been able to face it for maybe two years now.
I am sorry to say that my husband is not supportive. He doesn't believe depression is real. He sees it as a character fault. Luckily he drives truck overroad and I only need to cope with his criticisms for a few days out of the month. We've been married 24 years in April, and I've born 9 of his children. Yet he lectured me on his last trip home on my incompetance as a mother, household manager, wife, etc.
Effexor had numbed my feelings. Now I can cry again. But you know, I think the suffering is better than the numbing down. Christ suffered for us. Let us suffer for him!
Excuse me if that last comment affended anyone.
Stand behind me, guys.
Love,
Sue Doe (Nym) [You know, pseudonym]
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
In reply to I'm right behind you » LisaDiann, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 0:28:43
I'm sorry your husband is not supportive. That makes it so much harder. My family doesn't understand depression either and I've had the same comments thrown at me. Makes me want to scream, hmmmmm, think I've done that. ;) More than I should probably lately. I wish you the best of luck coming off the Effexor. Unfortunately I'm still trying to work my way up to a dosage that works. The one I'm on now used to work when I was on it before but I had to decrease and now that I'm back up to it again it's not working yet. It's been 3 days. Maybe it'll take longer. What did you mean about your comment 'let us suffer for him'???? I'm not offended, I just don't understand. My brain ain't what it used to be. :(
Angel Girl
>
> I, too, have thrown out the bottle [medicine bottle that is], so to speak. I dropped effexor on March 3. I wouldn't call my withdrawal symptoms severe. At least not yet. I have had some bad days, but I have been working on my little farm again. I haven't been able to face it for maybe two years now.
> I am sorry to say that my husband is not supportive. He doesn't believe depression is real. He sees it as a character fault. Luckily he drives truck overroad and I only need to cope with his criticisms for a few days out of the month. We've been married 24 years in April, and I've born 9 of his children. Yet he lectured me on his last trip home on my incompetance as a mother, household manager, wife, etc.
> Effexor had numbed my feelings. Now I can cry again. But you know, I think the suffering is better than the numbing down. Christ suffered for us. Let us suffer for him!
> Excuse me if that last comment affended anyone.
> Stand behind me, guys.
> Love,
> Sue Doe (Nym) [You know, pseudonym]
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
good morning everyone!
i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well, yes i too am learning to intergrate them so to speak into my life as well, i tend to forget that those feelings are also a part of me as well and instead of denying them, i should be celebrating them so to speak, i will certainly find that out now, because once again i am starting to enter "the demon zone" (ha ha) i did ok yesterday now i have to work on today but i can do it especially when i come to my computer and read the posts of some "new friends" i have found.
as for the withdrawls when i was on paxil i found that when i went off them i experienced kind of the same feelings as going on them - i thought they were severe during the withdrawals but never thought about it when beginning them. the weirdest thing i experienced and the best way to describe it is i felt "surreal" at times. when i do decided to stop this medicine i will just tell myself that just like the saying goes "if it comes up it must come down!"
as for husbands, mine is 50/50. at times he is supportive and at other times not. sue doe i wish you the best because i believe you need support especially those closest to you - what about 1 of your 9 childlren are they there for you? as for friends/family the same thing for me. my family thinks i'm weird - funny thing though if you compare "successes" out of 9 children i would be considered the successful one but yet i'm weird with the problem! i wish i could honestly talk about my feelings with my family and discuss some of the ways i was brought up with my step family (very long story) and how it shall we say contributed to my depression but all i get from my stepmother is i was an unhappy child who always felt cheated and had a chip on my shoulder. never mind that we didn't show love, praise oneother etc. when i had my first child because i felt i didn't receive this as a child i overdid it with him then that would in turn be one of the things that would set off the depression because i overdid it (that manicness once again,) and then when things didn't turn out the way i expected them to be it i would not only experience depression but my young son (2 years at the time actually most of his young life) would be the one who would have to live through mommies next episode. i am happy to say that he is turning 10 at the end of next month and with his mom's help (lots of talking / going to family counselling etc. ) may i prevent my son if possible from experiencing any of this . you see, i can see it in him and it scares the hell out of me (very manic) so what i do is i tell him his energies are "high" and he needs to bring them done a bit, these seems to work and lots of talking helps as well.
As for support thank you Dr. Bob! for these wonderful pepole who unfortunately expierence the same difficulties but remeber everyone with each other's support we can do it and who knows maybe our families will wake up and smell the coffee and offer the support that each of us needs.
ps do you think they are not supportive because 1. it is fear for them to admit that maybe their spouse/friend etc. isn't quite right according to society and also if the one closest to them isn't "quite right" are they maybe not "quite right" either.
or
2. change - it is a proven fact that most people hesitate when it comes to change (for me i knew that i would be taking 1 year mat. leave and prepared my self mentally for it but low and behold on Oct. 15/01 when i started my mat. leave i cried like hell because i didn't know how to "change" even though i knew it was coming. i learned with this because since then my husband lost his job and it was march break this week so since being off i have "changed" my daily routine 3 times but you know what i can do this as long as i am aware of it and don't let myself fight it instead as one would say "i embrace" it. now that i got my tangent out! ha hagoing back to change - when we are experiencing our "changes" especaially when depression strikes or we stop/start new medicine i think our family/friends don't quite know how to cope with it and with depression it is like a yo-yo always up and down. now if you agree with #2 it's just getting your family/friends to talk about it and their feelings when it happens. which is very hard for people to do but it can be done.
angel girl,
great to see your post!
may everyone have an enjoyable day today (you probably won't read this until late tonight!)
peace,
shanti
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:30:46
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
What did you mean about your comment 'let us suffer for him'???? I'm not offended, I just don't understand. My brain ain't what it used to be. :(
>
> Angel GirlI guess that comment was a bit unusual. I am hesitant to mention the "J" word in a public forum (Jesus). But since you asked, Easter season is coming up. Traditional Christian thought believes that since that little apple-eating party in the garden of Eden, (Adam and Eve) we have inherited a "sin nature." We tend to act in un-loving ways, and since God is Love (in Bible-speak), then when we act in unloving ways, we "sin" against Him.
Well, then comes the part where God supposedly sent His son as a "sacrifice" for these "sins". The shed blood of a sacrificial animal is said to act as a "cleanser." Our "sins" can be cleansed by this blood, and we get a new clean slate.
Well the Easter season starts with Good Friday when Christ went to pray, knowing he was about to become that universal sacrifice, his blood would be the sufficient "cleanser" for us all. Well, he cried so hard that some say he cried "tears of blood." Then he was arrested, tried, crucified, buried, spent 3 days in Hell, then rose from the dead as evidence of Victory over Sin.Well, if this is true, he must have suffered. So I guess if we suffer, maybe our suffering may have some worth. So when people spite me, and I suffer, I try to love them. Because I think my love will help them as Jesus's love has helped me.
Oh, well. Again, I hope I didn't say too much.
And thanks for asking.
Sincerely,
Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
> good morning everyone!
>
> i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well........Peaceful Shanti: I plan to answer your post a little later, since my time is short this morning. You asked so much, and got me thinking.
In short for now, I think we can surely help each other. It sure feels like family here, doesn't it? Anyway, watch for my post later. I will be cleaning out my little acre of grapes today. This is a great victory for me, since I have ignored it completely for over two years now (not even sure how long.) Wish me luck.
Sincerely,
Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 16, 2002, at 10:28:55
In reply to Re: Peace, babbling friends, Hope and Kids... » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
I think faith can be a tremendous force in healing depression. But as a Christian, I would strongly caution you against viewing your suffering an unsupportive or cruel husband as redemptive. Jesus suffered so that we do not have to - God doesn't want us to suffer, god wants us to be healed...I know so many women (myself included) who put up with semi to totally awful husbands not realizing that in fact he may be the cause of the depression in the first place - or at least, making it 10 times worse than it needs to be...
But maybe that's the whole male species (I admit I am cynical when it comes to the male capacity for compassion - sorry Dr Bob)
Posted by Reneeb on March 16, 2002, at 11:03:30
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! » Angel Girl, posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 16:57:29
Hi Angel Girl, I am so glad to hear from you!! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now ,but as you can see there are many people here that want to help you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling. Can I ask you where you live? Maybe one of us is close by and could help.
Take Care,
Renee
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 11:44:24
In reply to Re: Peace, babbling friends, Hope and Kids... » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
> > good morning everyone!
> >
> > i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well........
>
> Peaceful Shanti: I plan to answer your post a little later, since my time is short this morning. You asked so much, and got me thinking.
> In short for now, I think we can surely help each other. It sure feels like family here, doesn't it? Anyway, watch for my post later. I will be cleaning out my little acre of grapes today. This is a great victory for me, since I have ignored it completely for over two years now (not even sure how long.) Wish me luck.
> Sincerely,
> Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Sue DoeOoooooh, you don't know how I envy you so, to begin to live again. You endured a hard long road to get your victory and I'm so happy that you can see the sunshine in life. I sincerely wish you the best that life has to offer.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 12:04:43
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Reneeb on March 16, 2002, at 11:03:30
> Hi Angel Girl, I am so glad to hear from you!! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now ,but as you can see there are many people here that want to help you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling. Can I ask you where you live? Maybe one of us is close by and could help.
>
> Take Care,
>
> ReneeHi Renee
I live in Toronto, Canada. I'm glad more than ever after last night that I found this forum Thank you Dr. Bob for giving us a place to help each other. I personally don't know what I would do right now without somewhere I can go where people understand me. I find the lack of understanding very frustrating. Last night I had an extremely rough night. I posted a message here, or at least I thought I had, in extreme anger. Not anger about here or anybody here but expressing my anger towards my life that continues to sprial downwards. When I think there is nothing else that could possibly go wrong, the bottom is kicked out from under me once again. Last night I found out that two of my dear and closest friends have decided to abandon me due to my severe depression. They no longer feel capable of dealing with my extremely low moods and although it is completely devastating to me, I can't really blame them. I don't like being with me either but I don't have any choice. :( I don't make it very easy on everbody. I feel like this is not me, somebody else has taken over my body and my mind. Where did "I" go???? I want "me" back. I'm tired of this new person. I haven't seen the real me since last July. I'm so incredibly sad and I'm crying. I want this all to stop. I'm so sick of this ride. I don't even know how this happened to me when I wasn't looking. And now I have this new mood of anger. This is sooooo not me. I've never been like this before. I HATE this. Why doesn't this dosage of Effexor XR work like it did when I was on it before????? I'm sooooo discouraged. I think about suicide every single day, not to the point of actually wanting to do it, but it is always there like a constant companion. I almost lost my dearest friend last night when I took my frustration out on her but thank God she knows it's not me but my illness. She understands me because her husband has been suffering for 8 years, although he is much better than he was years ago. She is my gift from God. Why can't everybody see that all I need is LOVE????? Why is that so hard for them to understand???? I've told them a million times. But I don't feel it. Maybe I don't even know what love is anymore. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 14:01:05
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
If I haven't already said it, I want to now. I'm very sorry for worrying y'all and I'm so shocked to see so many replies to my post. I want to thank y'all for your concern and help. I think I really need this place. I'm not sure my posts are helping anybody else but at least I feel wanted somewhere and have found people who actually do care about me. So, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!
And a special thank you to Dr. Bob for giving us this forum so that we all can know that we don't have to go through this alone.
THANKS Y'ALL!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 15:07:30
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 14:01:05
> If I haven't already said it, I want to now. I'm very sorry for worrying y'all and I'm so shocked to see so many replies to my post. I want to thank y'all for your concern and help. I think I really need this place. I'm not sure my posts are helping anybody else but at least I feel wanted somewhere and have found people who actually do care about me. So, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!
>
> And a special thank you to Dr. Bob for giving us this forum so that we all can know that we don't have to go through this alone.
>
> THANKS Y'ALL!!!
>
> Angel Girlhi angel girl
you do help us all just like we help you that is why we are here. how are you feeling - you sound a little down but i can feel your spark girl just grab on to it and enjoy!
renee posted and asked where you live, i know it is canada but where? i am in Windsor, ON because if we live close i would like to become your friend as well and help.
sue doe: can't wait to hear from you. it is 4:00 pm just got back from a hockey tournament my husbands team lost but he got 5 points! he needs to use the computer and i gotta go!! he is right here overlooking me as i write (ps he sends his best! anyway i hope your grape picking went well
today good going what a sense of accomplishment you must have felt (even if you didn't complete the job you started it and that my dear is the hardest part!i hope i get to read some more posts later,
peace
shanti
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 16:50:08
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 15:07:30
>
> hi angel girl
>
> you do help us all just like we help you that is why we are here. how are you feeling - you sound a little down but i can feel your spark girl just grab on to it and enjoy!
>
> renee posted and asked where you live, i know it is canada but where? i am in Windsor, ON because if we live close i would like to become your friend as well and help.
>
> sue doe: can't wait to hear from you. it is 4:00 pm just got back from a hockey tournament my husbands team lost but he got 5 points! he needs to use the computer and i gotta go!! he is right here overlooking me as i write (ps he sends his best! anyway i hope your grape picking went well
> today good going what a sense of accomplishment you must have felt (even if you didn't complete the job you started it and that my dear is the hardest part!
>
> i hope i get to read some more posts later,
>
> peace
>
> shanti
Hi shantiI thought I already mentioned where I live. Oh well. It's ok. My mind ain't what it used to be. :( I live in Toronto, Canada not too far from you I guess. I am a little down, but moreso drained and exhausted after finding out that I was abandoned once again. It's hard to accept that even though I can understand it. I put everybody through alot. However, I do think my family is FINALLY starting to understand me after the meltdown I went through in the last 2 weeks. I start my therapy this Friday and I'm praying that will start me on my road to recovery. I know it's a long one but it needs to get started. I've been on Effexor since November and haven't had any therapy yet. I'm scared but I'm also looking forward to it. I WANT to get better. I hate this illness that has taken possession over me. I want to be set free!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 18:41:16
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 16:50:08
angel girl
yoour mind hasn't left you it's still there it's just taking a break! - once you start therapy you will begin to feel better are you open to constructive criticism? because therapy will show you things about yourself that are sometimes hard to look at i get this a lot in my life from everyone so i have learned to be open to it and if need be learn by it and put it to use but i also find that sometimes people just say things to hurt you because they are hurt.
i have been through 3 therapist in 6 years the one i have now is good. she says it like it is and i learn to say it like it is (not afraid to say f**k in a session without hesitation!) i even once told her a constructive criticism and felt good that i got it off my chest!
did you think about going to the library and getting a book? or what about music - i love music it is for my soul both my children enjoy it as well and that makes me feel good. right now my daughter and I (5months) listen to Sarah McLacuchlin(spelling?) she loves the soft beats and i love the words (surfacing/the whole cd) ((ya canada))i also like the words to the songs of U2 i swear these people were chosen to bring us messages through music there is 1 U2 song i don't know the title but they sing about going to meet god and she's a woman - if you know the song name please tell me so i can download it!
sue doe posted early about family/partners not being supportive and i hope she sees this too my husband and i talked about it and he said it best it's like smoking. people don't understand why we are addicted to it when they have never smoked nor do they like it at all so they can't understand. that is what depression is like too he said, he can't understand it because he has never had it. i thought it made sense.
you said you live in TO what do you do for a living? we don't go there too often due to the high cost of everything just like we don't go to detroit especially now after Sept. 11 but Toronto is very beautiful. do you live in the city or in one of the bigger cities? when i was growing up my dream was to be a secretary in Toronto living in the big city on my own until i met my knight in shining armour and then we move into the house with the white picket fence with 2.5 kids! instead i am a receptionist for a daycare (keeps me young) been divorced 2x and have 2 children from 2 different dads. but if i could trade up my life for a better one - i can honestly say no even with my life long depression and shitty upbringing and so on and so forth . because you know what angel girl, there is a reason for everything so instead of treating my self and my depression like a cancer i am learning to live with it and learn everything i can from everyone and everything and hopefully share from all the expieriences i have encountered. i told my therapist i am going to write a book about my life which i am going to do. i started it but haven't found the time to go back to it yet but i also believe i am not quite ready so i don't panic about it and i also don't put myself down because i am not working on it the way i thought i would. some days there is too much going on that i don't want to miss (i have my daughter to thank for this because her birth changed me for the better and i actually look forward to waking up every morning and seeing what things i can learn today.
talk to you soon,
peace,
shanti
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:16:26
In reply to the meaning of suffering, posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 16, 2002, at 10:28:55
> I think faith can be a tremendous force in healing depression. But as a Christian, I would strongly caution you against viewing your suffering an unsupportive or cruel husband as redemptive. Jesus suffered so that we do not have to - God doesn't want us to suffer, god wants us to be healed...I know so many women (myself included) who put up with semi to totally awful husbands not realizing that in fact he may be the cause of the depression in the first place - or at least, making it 10 times worse than it needs to be...
>
>It is easy to reject men (i.e. husbands, boyfriends) who are abusive to us, but how do we escape our children? They are still dependant. I bear more than I would desire to bear in the interest of love and hope for a better future. I am actually glad my son has rejected me and run away. Now I don't have to hear his constant abuse. We write emails to each other. It is a much more level-headed form of communication.
Hoping for a better tomorrow.
Sue Doe (Nym)
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:49:40
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
> good morning everyone!
>
> i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well, yes i too am learning to intergrate them so to speak into my life as well, i tend to forget that those feelings are also a part of me as well and instead of denying them, i should be celebrating them so to speak, i will certainly find that out now, because once again i am starting to enter "the demon zone" (ha ha) i did ok yesterday now i have to work on today but i can do it especially when i come to my computer and read the posts of some "new friends" i have found.....
> peace,
>
> shanti
Dear Shanti:
“Surreal” times. What an appropriate description. Do you suppose Dali was Bi-Polar?
But on the more serious side, we just can’t fit in the 8-5, 24-7 world. We simply don’t function that way!
It’s no use trying to get people to understand why we are the way we are. As a child I remember how much I loved climbing way up high in a cupboard and locking myself in. I loved it there!
Later, I learned to go into “Zombie” mode, staring off into the distance and ignoring all those around me.
When I learned to compose music, I would hope for “eccentricity” credit. I would intentionally talk crazy, just to keep people wondering. And to keep them at arms length where they couldn’t hurt me.
All of these are simply survival methods.I remember these things because of my children. Now they are finding themselves “different” from those around them. One daughter told me the school nurse said that she may find herself to be Bi-Polar when she grows older, so she and her sister wanted to know whether I thought this would really happen, and if so what it would be like! Since I was in one of my good phases, I used this opportunity to try to help them understand me, and see how I cope.
When my children don’t feel like going to school, I don’t make them. Because I know that some sorts of illness can’t be measured with a thermometer.I hope to continue to know myself better, and to help my children to know themselves better.
In regards to telling me about your son’s mania, I wonder whether I can offer a thought. Accept it not as a claim to expertise, but just a notion. If he is “high” he may not be able to bring it down a bit. Some children learn to hold back their manic outbursts while in socially compromising situations. But these “outbursts” are automatic, they are like a sneeze. We can hold back the sneeze for awhile, but sooner or later it is going to need a way out. Rather than asking our children not to sneeze, so to speek, perhaps we should help them find ways to channel these excessive energy bursts. Music? Art? Athletics? What else?
We have a little farm, and one of the more successful maneuvers we’ve used to quiet down my most hyperactive son was to tell him to go out and run around the vineyard 2 times! He loved it. We would cheer him on all the way. He used up the energy, no longer had it locked up inside threatening to burst at any moment, and he felt like a great athlete.
these are only temporary solutions, but we need all the tricks we can get. N’est ce pas?I don’t even want to think about unsupportive husbands right now. He’s gone for a few more weeks, out of sight, out of mind. The phone is turned off, and I only need to talk with him when I am emotionally strong enough to talk with him.
Oh well, we could go on, and on, and on, couldn’t we?
Let me spare you.
thanks for being there.
Sue Doe
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:52:37
In reply to To Shanti, the peacemaker » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:49:40
Dear Shanti:
> .....Oh well, we could go on, and on, and on, couldn’t we?....> Sue DoeP.S. maternity leave? Are you pregnant now? do you have a newborn? What's up?
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 0:30:06
In reply to Re: To Shanti, the peacemaker...P.S., posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:52:37
I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Scott Hendrix on March 17, 2002, at 0:54:11
In reply to How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 0:30:06
Angel, I am new to this board so I really don't know your history, but I struggle with this alot myself. I feel like my constant swings of being in Good Spirits and Talkative, Parties, Being Around Friends etc.. then suddenly NOT being around them at all and secluding myself into my home except for work causes them to think that I am not a real friend. I don't know this but I have come to this conclusion. I am in the domant state right now. I don't want to leave the house, I spend endless hours on this damn computer. I actually enjoy it more that spending time with friends. I sleep on and off during the day, and get on the computer, get bored and then fall asleep. I have managed to turn off my feelings towards my friends feelings of wanting me to go and do things with them. They don't call as often anymore. I know that eventually I will come out of my shell again and go out and have a great time, but just not all the time anymore. I am 27 going on 28 in a few months (Gemini). I just don't see the spark or energy in going out and doing things with other people anymore. The only way for me to get that way is to get messed up on alcohol or other things. I am tring to kick all habits and it is hard. I am bi-polar, used to be mixed, with moods changing rapidly. Now it seems I have slipped into lull. I have very decreased energy and no appitite for life or work recently about the past two months, I am tring to kick my self back into semi manic mode to get out of this lull. Any suggestions. I know its alot... I have lost friends because of my irrational behavior as well but none have come out and told me that is why and I haven't asked.
> I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
>
> How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by Scott Hendrix on March 17, 2002, at 0:54:11
Scott
I'm new here too. I'm severely depressed and going through a very rough time in this last week. I don't know if you saw my earlier post, I wanted to kill myself this week. I have constant suicidal thoughts. :( I'm not bi-polar, at least that's not how I was diagnosed even though I have had manic episodes last year but I do know what you're going through. I've been there done that. If everybody would just leave me alone I would be doing EXACTLY the same as you. I would be VERY content to lay on the couch all day and watch mindless hours of TV or sit at this computer. I'm on here alot too. I don't see friends either. I was referring to online friends. They didn't tell me that they were abandoning me themselves, a mutual friend told me. But I know its true because I have my AIM up and they are ignoring me as well as we all frequent another message board and they're ignoring me there too. It REALLY hurts ALOT!!!! I've known them for a LONG time. It also makes me very angry. Anger seems to be my new friend. It is soooo not me. I don't even know this 'person' who has taken over my body and my mind. And where did the 'real' me go???? How long have you been dealing with this? What meds are you on? Do they help? I don't really have any suggestions for you cuz I'm fighting the same thing. Only diff with me is that LIFE is forcing me to work or I won't get paid. The almighty dollar is speaking LOUD and clear. I can't ignore it or I'll lose everything. I'm very close to that now. :( Where do you live Scott? I'm in Toronto, Canada. Write me back, k? I'd like to learn more about you. :)
Angel Girl
> Angel, I am new to this board so I really don't know your history, but I struggle with this alot myself. I feel like my constant swings of being in Good Spirits and Talkative, Parties, Being Around Friends etc.. then suddenly NOT being around them at all and secluding myself into my home except for work causes them to think that I am not a real friend. I don't know this but I have come to this conclusion. I am in the domant state right now. I don't want to leave the house, I spend endless hours on this damn computer. I actually enjoy it more that spending time with friends. I sleep on and off during the day, and get on the computer, get bored and then fall asleep. I have managed to turn off my feelings towards my friends feelings of wanting me to go and do things with them. They don't call as often anymore. I know that eventually I will come out of my shell again and go out and have a great time, but just not all the time anymore. I am 27 going on 28 in a few months (Gemini). I just don't see the spark or energy in going out and doing things with other people anymore. The only way for me to get that way is to get messed up on alcohol or other things. I am tring to kick all habits and it is hard. I am bi-polar, used to be mixed, with moods changing rapidly. Now it seems I have slipped into lull. I have very decreased energy and no appitite for life or work recently about the past two months, I am tring to kick my self back into semi manic mode to get out of this lull. Any suggestions. I know its alot... I have lost friends because of my irrational behavior as well but none have come out and told me that is why and I haven't asked.
>
> > I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
> >
> > How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
hi scott and angel girl
just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
peaceshanti
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
Please write me an email!
Sincerely,
SueDoeN
P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
SueDoeN@aol.com
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
> hi scott and angel girl
>
> just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
>
> angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
>
> one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
>
> happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> peace
>
> shanti
Hi shantiI feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 10:28:43
In reply to Friend? I'll apply! RE: Angel, Scott, Shanti » Shanti, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
> Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
>
> I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
> I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
> Please write me an email!
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeN
> P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
> SueDoeN@aol.com
SueDoeThanks sweetie. I appreciate the email addy. I can't help you with the instant messaging thing. Although I have it, somebody had to walk me through it. I'm computer iliterate. I personally have AOL instant messanger. If that is the one you want, just go to aol.com and pick a name and follow the directions. Good luck!!! There are other instant messangers too.
Thanks again, it really is hard to go through this all alone or to see everybody dropping out of your life, slowly one by one.
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 12:15:06
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
> > hi scott and angel girl
> >
> > just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
> >
> > angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
> >
> > one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
> >
> > happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> > peace
> >
> > shanti
>
>
> Hi shanti
>
> I feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
>
> I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
>
> Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
>
> My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
>
> Angel Girlhey girl don't be sad. i have to take my son right now to do some things and spend some time with him but when i get home i will post later because i want to reply to you so keep your head and chin up, enjoy your sunday and i will talk to you later
peace
your friend,
shanti
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