Posted by susan47 on April 14, 2009, at 0:05:45
being here by myself all the time, it's like I'm keeping people away, at bay, somehow, in my own personal Susan-like way I've kept people away. And it's interesting and sad and I don't like it. I don't think. Do I care? I don't really know. I think I do. I think it's important to be real and to be kept real by conversing with others, and I'm only always conversing with myself anymore. Sheesh what a drag. I'm so tired of flogging the same emotional boat, like a slave at the oars, no a whole galley of slaves, all marching to the same tune the same beat the same push pull, I'm so tired of all of this. When does it get better for me? When do I stop caring what anybody, a certain somebody, thinks of me? If it's the worst so what? How does that affect me in my life as I live it day to day? Why, and how, did I become a slave to the sound of his voice, the melody of his breathing in my ear, it's magic and dragon-like and it slays me every time, and I have to STOP because this is all just going to kill me if I don't.
I want to respect myself.
poster:susan47
thread:890538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20080605/msgs/890538.html