Posted by Partlycloudy on December 11, 2008, at 6:30:15
Got a few hours more in, thank-you Klonopin. Still woke writhing, worrying, thinking of all I didn't attend to yesterday and probably won't get to today. Chemistry can only do so much to protest us against ourselves.
And then the trembling starts. Once I'm up and out of bed, I shake as if my limbs were leaves of a birch tree, shimmering in the slightest breeze. This is relatively new. No caffeine for you! But I've got a fine assortment of herbal and decaffeinated choices in the cupboards. Morning are still (despite how it reads here) my best time - the most energy, my mind least clouded by my what-if's and if-only's. Yet I'm already too restless to be able to settle down with anything beyond a cup of tea and a section of the newspaper, the most media exposure I will allow myself for now.
No TV, thank you. No Wolf Blitzer, no Barbara Walter or Oprah or What Should I Wear? or anything on past 9pm. The DVD player hasn't worked for 2 months and I can't take the commercials and the endless flip, flip, flip of the remote - yet every time I walk away <just for some silence, goddammit!>, I get the "Oh, I don't have to keep watching, I'll stop it right now, don't go, please..." and that lasts for about 7 minutes or so. "It's an issue."
So I kind of look forward to those times when I can be alone as my promised mental vacations, when I can truly live in silence, in my cocoon.
He'll be back tonight.
And I'm armed with Klonopin. We'll see what difference, if any, that makes to the sensory experience.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:868040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20080605/msgs/868040.html