Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 16:50:03
I am struggling mightily with Babble at the moment. Please Be Sensitive and all. Well, duh, I thought I was being sensitive - I agonize over writing posts as never before. And as for BEING sensitive, I am the poster child :-)
So here's my list of the pros and cons of Babble and Me
Pros
I have made new friends on Babble IRL that I would not have made overwise
I have gained insights into many different aspects of mental illness that I didn't know before
I have learned more about the actions of psychopharmaceuticals (this also belongs on the con list, according to my previous pdoc I think)
I have learned how to express my thoughts in a more civil manner, at least according to the rules of this site - but I've noticed a definite spillover IRL as people have mentioned that I show great tact in how I express myself (um, refer to the Please Be Sensitive and the con list on this one too)
My keyboard skills have improvedCons
I have never suffered more than I have while reading some of the posts here because of being triggered and also having been sucked into some vortices of attacks, and that has had lasting effects
I take greater pains at composing my posts than ever before, yet I still managed to earn a Please Be Sensitive - and then had my notification to the administration about the rap on my knuckles, and comments from likeminded members of the community go uncommented on by the administrator of the site - more salt in the wound
Abandonment, abandonment, abandonment
Being a thread killer
Not being able to contribute to discussions because of my increased sense of self censorship
Inability to leave without great anger or hurt being feltWhat exactly am I getting out of continuing to attempt to participate here? More wounds. More triggers. More of a feeling of having reached a complete dead end. Yet I don't feel capable of moving on. I'm stuck. I love to read, love to learn. I enjoy the lack of dancing emoticons and avatars that other sites employ, as well as that counter that elevates the posters to varying states of poobah-hood depending solely upon how many times they hit the "submit" button. Puhleeze.
Stuck. Not happy. Not willing to let it go.
poster:ClearSkies
thread:835306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20080605/msgs/835306.html