Posted by susan47 on February 25, 2008, at 19:50:08
In reply to Re: So Innocent, posted by susan47 on January 30, 2008, at 20:39:12
Hard to describe the undoing of oneself. Only present words are adequate, really. The past, the horrors of yesterday cannot be safely re-visited today. And in truth that day may never come. All the writing, all the outpourings of myself may never be told again, anymore, any way anyhow. It doesn't matter. It's one life among billions, and the only hope we have is the one-ness that we share, that that could be brought to light. To Light.
I sound insane.
Perhaps I really am.
That might be a relief.
But no, that is the crazy way of thinking, you see, that is the excuse used to give up responsibility, and I cannot do that.
One of my own life lessons is to bear responsibility.
Bear it, as I bore children, as my body knew what to do when my mind failed me, as it so often has.
I'm allowed to be wired differently.
I make no excuses, that is my birthright.
Do you know, I think I have successfully come undone, I hope I have parted ways successfully with my past self.
Please god, let me have that done, have done that, be done, all done. Not all done in, but be done.
There is so much work to do, now, to build a new person.
I don't know if it's possible.
poster:susan47
thread:809734
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/814700.html