Posted by Shame on November 3, 2006, at 10:05:54
Where am I going? Who will go with me?You know I answered those questions long ago. I chose you, and I have no doubts that it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I love you more than any other thing in this world, and I nurture that love, letting it wrap around me like a cloak as I collect the pieces of our life-gone-wrong.
Your birthday was not the celebration I hoped it would be; too much stress, too much grief, too much to get done. Even though you think 30 is an age you never wanted to be, to me it's a milestone in our life together. It's something that we shared, even though it wasn't the joyous event that you deserved. It's the way of life to look at our pasts and wish you were young like you were before. It will happen again at 35, and at 45, and beyond. I don't care how old either of us are, as long as we are together.
And now I leave you for a while. I leave to try and find us a better life, to put things behind us and start over. Some of what has happened to us we will never forget, because forgetting would be a betrayal, so instead we will carry our grief with us to our new life, and we will mourn as we should. Together.
Once I have some semblance of stability established for us, I will be with you again and we will move our hopes and dreams and our meager belongings to a new life and a new beginning. You already know I do all of this for you, and that I will do my best as always.
What do we have to look forward to? Even if I don't get the job I dream of and we settle for something that is just good enough, we will still have our time together, solace and support. Respect and love. Once again we will have the mountains at our backs and smell the pine when the wind blows over the forest. Silent snowfalls outside while we are warm and cozy in our house. Clear streams in the spring, and we will sit along them and fish, and talk, and enjoy each other.
You know what I am telling you here. You make me a better man. You complete my life. WE belong together. We are two halves of the same animal. We are pack.
Now that we will be apart for a while, this letter is all I have to give you in my absence. I will call of course. I will miss you and send you all the love I can from 1000 miles away. It will have to be enough, and I know it will be. You are strong, and I know that I have nothing to worry about.
So goodbye for now. If I can get us what we need soon, all the better. If it's later than we like, we will survive.
We always do. I love you.
poster:Shame
thread:700011
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060920/msgs/700011.html