Posted by susan47 on August 4, 2006, at 0:14:50
A person could get used to hearing "We're sorry, your call could not be completed...." blabbity blah blah.
A person could get used to hearing just about anything in order to feel better, dialing any number if that person thought someone was listening....
Even for a few moments. Just to feel better. Please God, I just want to feel better This Moment, and I'll take the rest later, whatever the price is, I'll pay it but I need a reason to feel Loved. I need a reason to feel like I Matter.
Ew yuck gross sick how can I Do This to myself, to anyone else, to .. this is my life, it is the only one I have, and when it isn't worth living, what else is there? When I have to protect the people I love from myself. When I am so poisonous, so bad, so grossly terrible that people laugh at me all the time, and with good reason, because I play the Fool more often than not. More often than not.
How does a person live with their emotional vulnerability without breaking apart, completely breaking down, completely just giving up, giving in, saying "Here" take me, make me bleed I'm yours just kill me because damn it, I know you don't care.
I know you don't care.
I can feel the lack of love.
The lack of love, the lack of trust, the black f*cking
hole.
poster:susan47
thread:673505
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/673505.html