Posted by susan47 on July 19, 2006, at 23:00:57
In reply to Yes, oh yes here's a good one, posted by susan47 on July 14, 2006, at 11:23:26
Yes, oh yes. We all have a purpose, in life. Sometimes I think maybe we have more than one, they're multi-layered reasons for Being. I discovered one of mine.
I discovered the ways in which we hurt each other, and help each other. They're absolutely reciprocal. Did you know that? I've heard it before, but it isn't until you really see what's going on with people in your life, how you affect them and they affect you, and when it's the sh*ttiest that's when the most work is being done, and it's godawful because it hurts hurts hurtshurtsoh owowowowoow God, I didn't need this right now. I did not need to be hurt this badly, but at the same time I know I hurt this person too, but he was ready and needed it, in his life his lessons, even if at the very end, in his final dream.. his lessons will come to him. I hope he doesn't hurt too many other women, and now I know he's used me and he's using her and he's out to destroy as many women as he can before his time is up, but the thing is this man doesn't know it, he does not know he's doing this thing he's done to women for years. And I want to know, why it seems that IRL I always find these men, or they find me. They find the vulnerability in me almost straight away. The giving, soft thing that tells them I will be their psychic servant. That's the thing. I allow them to use to live out their pain and I guess that's all right. Some things I just have to accept.
Surely, certainly, the love I felt even for this man who used me so badly, even if it was with my own permission, with my own foreknowledge of pain ...
he still did this thing purposely, to satisfy his ego needs, and he used me terribly knowing that if his fiance found out, .. I don't know I don't know. Tell me why men do these things. Tell me why they have to conquer that which is lovely, pure, and honest.
Then throw it down, and spit upon it, when their spit isn't good enough for the sewer.
But what these foolish men don't know, what they do not understand, is the strength a real woman has. Because she allows herself to love, and be honest with how this man scars her and others ... and he hates the sight of himself. He knows what he's done, what he does, what he always did.
He knows and he hates himself for it.
And, unfortunately, sometimes hate is turned upon the teacher. It's true. It's true. Think about how true that is.
Conquering myself. Conquering myself.
poster:susan47
thread:667030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060523/msgs/668469.html