Posted by Susan47 on March 7, 2006, at 16:58:25
.. did you know that a parent can split a child, not just into two, but into several different pieces, and those pieces are all bloody, and somehow, on some level, the parent can take comfort and yes, even pleasure, in that inflicted pain
not knowing on any level other than the deepest one, the level that makes him hate himself, that he is doing this to his family.
His family, that is an extension of himself, an entity he is creating, but not out of love .. out of other things. Things he needs within himself, things a broken soul needs in order to feel right, for this moment ...
It's called splitting. Garnering the loyalty and (perceived) love of others by separating them from each other
How hateful. How rude, how insensitive
How brokenly human, how sad to be his victim.
So many wasted years.
So much pain, lost opportunity, years of unshed tears turned to a living writhing mass of insecure humanity ..
your legacy dies here, old man.
Heal thyself, you bastard, but leave me alone.
From here on in, you have no piece of my heart but the one you earn.
I give you credit for those things you have tried to atone for,
in your own way,
making sure you always have your claw firmly squeezing the life out of any thankfulness the receiver might have felt.
However, you did these things thinking they were right.
Working it out, in your mind, trying to get your heart involved,
knowing that at some level, your heart is bigger than anyone's ...
the claw of fear may be loosened yet, and none too soon,
for we all die one day, old man.
I do not look forward to your dying; it will be one more moment of centrality for you. I pray it is quick, but I fear it won't be. I fear you will be the one, you who always prided yourself on your intimate knowledge of death, your laughing in the face of the what-will-never-be reality of death ...
you will be the one who will claw for your last breath.
poster:Susan47
thread:617153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060125/msgs/617153.html