Posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2006, at 0:42:18
In reply to I Smile, posted by Susan47 on December 24, 2005, at 0:31:47
No. Not enough. Never, it's never enough. It never was and it never will be. I will never have that feeling ever again, the feeling of self-respect, when I thought I was seeing what I was not. What I wasn't. What wasn't there, was respect. And I didn't respect you, and you weren't honest. No, the honesty you showed me was that you truly had lied. Your gestures, the soft kindness of your voice, the gentleness behind your eyes .. they were lies. And I believed them, I was a complete idiot, like so many before me and so many now and ever ... how you must laugh. How your heart must dance with .. what? Joy? Satisfaction? A feeling of euphoria, of completeness because you can be whitewashed over, and over, and over again, you know how to create that, you create hope and pass it along to those who deserve, and you don't understand why that judgement of yours is so hurtful, so harmful .. you're too cunning, too many years of teasing has made you blind to yourself. But I loved you so much. God, I loved you. It was a disease. Truly.
poster:Susan47
thread:591784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/601394.html