Posted by happyflower on May 28, 2005, at 8:31:08
Scared to Feel the Pain
Turn that obtrusive spotlight off me, I don't want to be seen, I want to hide.
There is no real me, just an illusion of happiness.
My imprisoned emotions are shielded by many impervious layers of self protection.
There are no winners in this internal brutal war of mine.
The only death is my own distrustful crying heart bleeding all over my life.
The pain of anguish grows slowly inside me corroding my organs with nuclear radiation.
These surpressed memories own me and if set free, will obliterate everything around me that I love.
Leaving only an empty shell that is easily cushed.Should anyone mess with a dormant volcano?
It may erupt like a relentless orgasm that forces itself to be released exploding its hot lava of devastation onto everything.
But can anyone really stop the spew of acid from a fierce stomach virus?
Can anyone hear the abused child's silent cry for help?
Just leave me in a castle's deprivation chamber to die alone so my virus doesn't cause a plague.
No light, no sound, no emotion, and no love, just like my parents cruel home of torture.
How do I cure my parents lethal illness that has infected me?
Revealing the venoumous truth is leaving me paralyzed with terror and anxiety fo losing myself.
I feel frozen in time fearing the oppressing emotional toxins that are poisoning me from within.How do I recover form this childhood disease?
Can anyone really be emancipated and heal form a vile past?
Accepting the truth feels like my own funeral.
I feel so beaten down and weak, I need help because I can't fight this war alone.
Dying seems more humane than living with all my years of childhood pain.
Please help me heal myself so I can be free to live life for the first time.
EMDR IS LIKE A SUPPOSITORY FOR CONSTIPATED MEMORIES.
poster:happyflower
thread:504098
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050513/msgs/504098.html