Posted by Jai Narayan on February 12, 2005, at 12:42:30
Dad died in a nursing home across the street from the mental institution where mother was living.
My mother was bipolar and schizophrenic.
She had totally lost control when dad had gone into the nursing home.
My sister had visited mom for a few weeks.
One night mom had put on all her best clothes, her mothers pearls and makeup.
She was waiting for her date to arrive.
Anxiously chain smoking Winston cigarettes she became morose. The mania had waned. On it’s heels was the hound from hell....depression. She spent the rest of the night weeping and hurt. This man had stood her up.
Of course we thought she had invented the whole story out of her delusions.
The phone rang and a young man’s voice asked for mom.
That night was the turning point in her future.
Her T said that she had in fact met a man while she was in the mental ward at the local hospital and he expressed concern that this man was after mom’s money.
There was no nursing home that could house mom while she was angry, paranoid and manic. She was appearing in the halls of her apartment naked. She was throwing dishes and only eating candy. She refused to take her meds.At the same time my dad asked to go home to die my mother was heralding her married to ex-president Gerald Ford and how she was soon to give birth to twins.
As my dad was laboring for his breath.
I was at home with a killer earache.I was supposed to have seen him that weekend but I was too sick to fly.
He sat in his chair, a tiny wizened man, holding my letters in his hands....asking, “who is this person who is writing to me?”
I wish I could have been there to have enjoyed our last embrace.
He died alone, sad, lonely, from a broken heart on valentines day.
He so wanted to be surrounded by his family and wife.I had sent each of my sisters an angel candle holder and votives.
As he was descending into the death rattle the nursing home called to let us know.
We all lighted the votives and meditated.
I imagined him seeing all of us as we wept out of joy and pain.
I sent him light.From the moment my dad saw mom he was thunder struck.
It was love at first sight.
He loved her through every emotional roller coaster.
Unfortunately she was simultaneously rejecting him as her manic emotions soared.
Eventually she become a rapid cycler.Weeks before dad died she had been telling her children that he was already dead.
such a sad twist of fate.So I come upon the anniversary of this dynamic...
With every year it becomes even more deeply bitter sweet.
His undying love and her continual rejection.
poster:Jai Narayan
thread:456784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050211/msgs/456784.html