Posted by Atticus on August 18, 2004, at 8:54:27
In reply to Re: poem ... Two Wolves, 1988, posted by Jai Narayan on August 18, 2004, at 7:08:59
Hi Jai,
I hope you're feeling better. If at any point you ever want to talk about what was going on in your life yesterday, meet me on the Psycho-Social-Babble page. :)
I've always found the "black wolf" to be a simultaneously seductive and destructive aspect of my personality. Before I really understood that I had a mental illness, this vulpine image is how I visualized the impulses that made me step over societal bounds so often. I never shared it with anyone, but needless to say, when a teacher had us read the Cherokee story in an eighth-grade English class, it really resonated with me. (My favorite childhood Universal film monster had always been, ironically, the Wolfman.)
I think that, to carry this metaphor a little further (and maybe beat it to death in the process, I don't know), being with Temple fed the black wolf in me more than the white wolf. Conversely, being with Pez helped me feed the white wolf. Being with Alyssa fed the white wolf at first, but then, for biochemical reasons I don't understand, the black wolf began fighting to regain control. This is one aspect of the Cherokee story I find wanting when it's used as a metaphor for mental illness; neither wolf ever wins, not forever. It's more accurate to say that one wolf gains the upper hand for a time. Right now, the white wolf, green eyes glowing like emeralds in the midday sun, is definitely alpha dog in my brain, and it's a good feeling after so long. Yet the black wolf is still there, waiting in the wings, and as this poem indicates, I do associate it with the exciting, high-velocity, no-holds-barred nature of my punker adolescence. I also feel that I couldn't write poems without its input. Creating truthful art involves embracing the dark sometimes.
I'm not sure if my writing is improving or not. I'm just too close to the process. But I have found in the past that the more frequently I write, the better my ability to do it gets; as with anything, practice helps.
I ended up with two varsity letters in fencing. Temple and I also fenced sabre as a second weapon, and those bouts are really ferocious. Much less of the attack-and-defend strategizing that I associate with foil; mainly what you get is simultaneous attacks, and since sabre is a "cutting" weapon rather than a "stabbing" weapon like foil, the whole thing has more of a swashbuckling feel to it. Your ribs end up covered with red welts that turn into these huge garish purple-yellow bruises, despite two layers of heavy protective equipment. But the action is too fast to translate well into a poetic description, at least for me. Oops. Looks like I've written a bit of a novel again. Take care. Ta. Atticus of Atlantis, rogue and blade-for-hire
poster:Atticus
thread:378770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040729/msgs/379049.html