Posted by SummerSanders on February 2, 2004, at 15:23:51
I was 27 years old when I received my second DUI for the year. I had been so wasted off the intoxicating mix of Stoli and Paxil that I danced in the police station for the officer and tried to engage another poor bastard in a dance who was trying to take the breath test.
Unfortunately , that was not the end nor beginning of my rapid demise and descent into my private hell.The officer did not find it funny or cute and threw my ass in the slammer. Try being caged in a cement block with one open air toilet, and a few junkies, a schizo, and girls that girls like me don't mess with. The girl I sat next to had beaten up a cop that night, "that's cool" , another had beaten the shit of her boyfriend. I asked another one why she was in there and the big black one told me to shut up and not talk.
How's that for your Social Phobia, your generalized anxiety disorder and your depressive episodes. .. That's the problem, I had no friggin problems! So I manifest them in my head and create my own messed up dramas and chaotic life events and sabatoge my own life. Call me crazy, call me stupid. Call me bipolar two but ya know what Mr. Headshrink? Stupidity is not a disease. Or is it? Give me a pill for that. Come on Eli Lilly come on Pfizer come on Glaxo Smith Kline gimme some help here cuz I'm destroying my life her while you get rich. Come on now. Cuz life is waiting? ;)I sat there in the dirty cell with a self -admitted crack whore. She was surprising happy and pleased, she had accepted living in a 3 by six cell and told me i could have some of her instant coffee and VO 5. I think she was glad that I had not used the toilet that sat two inches from her head when I had to release my bowels in an fit of diarhea in the middle of the night. I begged the guard to let me use the one in the common area. The guard reluctantly agreed through the intercom walls.
How did I get to this place? I had everything. Wanted for nothing. Perfect parents. Supportive, loving. College degreed. Nice looking. Good job, nice car. The brain however was not so good. It was my worst enemy. I sabotaged my my own life like you would not believe.
I was a black out drinker at 14. I remember the first time I got wasted. I had snuck a bottle of bacardi out of my parents basement for some kids that I wanted to impress. They were popular and cool. I had never been. I was pathetically shy and lacked confidence. Luckliy that summer between 8th and 9th grade I bagan to look cool. My hair and figure were particularly stunning. People stared at me wherever I went. Black guys at the mall followed me around, asking for my number. I started smoking...
I remember drinking the alcohol and feeling the intense sense of well being and lack of inhibition that was so foreign to me. I loved everybody and was rolling around in the bushes laughing hysterically with another girl. I pulled up my skirt and showed everone my ass when one guy asked. I had never felt so good.
If this is totally boring and stupid by the way, let me know and I will stop. This is part 1. Part 2 will come tomorrow.
poster:SummerSanders
thread:308586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040102/msgs/308586.html