Posted by SummerSanders on February 2, 2004, at 14:23:23
In reply to Life with ADHD, posted by PoohBear on January 29, 2004, at 10:45:12
That was amazing. I am inspired to write a follow up segment.
The part that moves me most is the music in my head. That song on the radio that rings in your mind in perfect pitch, over and over and over. Hearing music in your dreams. The projects that were started so furiously and with such passion get sheepishly forgotten. The lost jackets, purses, bags, keys and wallets. The sickeningly messy apartment that stares up at you like a horrid annoyance. But for some reason you can not pick up the clothes on the floor. Hanging clothes on hangers, organizing papers, seems impossible. You sit for hours twisting the same piece of hair over and over riddled with anxiety that you are stuck, frozen. The thoughts race but you can;t get anyhting done. Dirty dishes pile in the sink. You can not fall asleep without ambien, can not get out of bed in the morning, the years spiral by, jobs come and go, the job you wanted and fought so hard to get becomes insufferably boring and monontous after three months. Flaking out on friends, can not keep a plan. Come in late to work one too many times. Get Fired.
Anxiety riddled with depression. Will it ever end? No I am not bi-polar, I am not having delusions of granduer or making grand pieces I am stuck on a never-ending merry go round that I can't get off. The paxil makes me fat, the wellbutrin makes me dizzy.. Alcohol feels good until you wind up in jail. Pyschiatrists with their false hopes. I am not mentally ill. Please don't put me on that Zyprexa. You might as well put me out like a lame horse. My mind is my worst enemy. Why? I am such a good person.
poster:SummerSanders
thread:306852
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040102/msgs/308564.html