Posted by Compucat on July 5, 2007, at 15:28:17
In reply to returning to work after 9 week absence, posted by biogurl on June 25, 2007, at 11:30:04
hi biogurl,
"Medical things" was what I called my first absence from work. Remember that you owe no one an explanation.
I followed a technique my psychologist told me about. It worked amazingly well. He calls it 'turning the mirror'. When people ask you questions, they have the 'mirror on you'. Instead, you 'take' the 'mirror' and 'turn the mirror on them'. Right now, visualize what this would look like with a handheld mirror. Someone holding it up so you can see your face in it, and you take the mirror from their hand and face the mirror towards them. Then say something like "how has your work been going on here - finish that project?/file?/etc" or "how are your kids - I bet Johnny and April are enjoying summer holidays". Say this RIGHT AFTER they ask that first prying, uncomfortable question where you probably answered “medical reasons” and say it in a nice genuine way.
What you’ll see is something rather amazing about human nature - the human ego at work. All of a sudden they will grab 'the mirror' and run with it. You'll hear everything you want to know/don't want to know about them, and more. Remember, you're the person who has heard nothing about THEIR woes for nine weeks! So be prepared for your best exit line - "good to see you again, I best get back to my work".
Use the mirror to deflect. It helped me through 3 returns to work.At times, with prying questions, I have also resorted to responding with the question "why do you ask?". It’s a little more aggressive. It indicates putting up a block in the conversation. I find it requires more thought on my part before I use it – what situation am I in and does this person really need to know this. For example, the receptionist at a dentist's office might need to know what meds I am on, but not my co-workers. In that case, my co-worker would not get 'the mirror'. They would get "why do you ask" because they are way out of bounds, way too personal, beyond what they need to know. Whatever they would answer I would listen to. However, my answer to them would be "I see", and then I would walk away. This return to work is about you and keeping it successful for you!
Remember to take all of your coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Don’t go back to work trying to make up for lost time. Be patient with yourself. Even after nine weeks you will forget things and feel a little lost. Above all, don't ever feel guilty about taking time off to get yourself to a healthier place - big congrats for doing that, because it takes a lot of strength. Wishing you all the very best
poster:Compucat
thread:765660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20061208/msgs/767893.html