Posted by Reggie BoStar on August 17, 2006, at 0:26:43
I was a SW engineer for 25 yrs, burned out in 2003, wandered off the job a zombied wreck, haven't been back since. I can't seem to do anything even slightly complicated without quickly running out of steam and just going into a daze and walking away. I got SSDI benefits last year and Medicare a few months later, based on reports submitted by my pdoc, md, neurologist, and a few others. Diagnosis includes severe depression. They tried ECT but it didn't work. Many meds now, just to get me moving and out of the house once in a while.
I'm 55. I don't know what to do (or how) with the rest of my life, assuming it lasts much longer (doesn't feel as though it will, see my posts on the psych board). I seem to be too useless to do anything interesting for a living. In fact, I seem to be too useless to do much of anything besides type BBS messages. What the hell, is this the end of my life? Is this how it's going to end, too nuts to work, dying young? What was the point?
I see older folks bagging groceries for lack of anything better to do with themselves (or lack of ability??). They all look totally miserable.
I'm starting to see them everywhere. Fast-food drive-ups, landfill workers, Wal-Mart greeters. All miserable. Totally miserable. Why are there so many of us? Isn't there something better we could be doing, anywhere at all? Can it really be that bad trying to function without being miserable like that? Good grief, the old volunteers at the Salvation Army store seem even more zoned out than I am. Never will I be a Wal-Mart greeter, I'll shovel crap at the landfill first.
Reggie BoStar
poster:Reggie BoStar
thread:677317
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20060706/msgs/677317.html