Posted by Lindenblüte on November 13, 2006, at 21:32:51
First of all, I just wanted to tell you all that the following story is truly pathetic.
NO, I'm not on withdrawal from a psych med.
No, I'm not on withdrawal from an Rx med.
No, I'm not on withdrawal from a street drug, "substance" or whatnot
No, I'm not the loved one of someone struggling with a difficult withdrawal.
*************
I overdosed on caffeine yesterday. Yes, it's possible, and yes, it was VERY unpleasant. I've never gone quite that far before, but as someone prone to anxiety-- well this was truly nasty.
so, I made a decision. Less caffeine. No coffee.
typical day for me- 36 oz of coffee between the hours of 8am and 2pm. Drinking tea (mostly green, but some black) maybe 2 cups a day. Maybe even a diet cola, or an energy drink or something to replace a mug of coffee.
Today. 4 oz coffee this am, mixed with milk. it was so delicious. but then it was gone. :(
16 oz white tea, and maybe 24 oz green tea throughout the day. I make an infusion of whole leaves and add more hot water when necessary.
At lunch, I thought I was going to fall asleep. My whole body just wanted to NAP. I was craving caffeiene, sugar, ANYTHING to give me that anxious jittery feeling. Somehow managed to get some work done.
Then the headache started. since about 5pm. a dull, depressed headache, now on its way to a quasi migraine. I took my migraine medicine (naproxen Na "Aleve" 2 caplets.). It's only mildly better. barely tolerable.
and I feel like such a F*CKING LOSER. here I am, moaning my caffeine withdrawal, and it's my fault anyway, because I somehow managed to abuse freaking COFFEE??
It's considered not high on the abuse-potential, since the bad effects (nausea and jitters) kick in at fairly low doses. Somehow I kept on searching for the happy joy of the coffee cup, ignoring the fact that I could no longer plan my day without being enslaved to the mug. Had to have a plan for coffee withing 1 hour of waking or else the morning's productivity lost.
Oh, I've already started my moans. I might as well finish and get it off my chest. I feel like sh*t anyways. I increased my AD 3 weeks ago, and it makes me sleepier during the day. So I added coffee, where usually I only drink one coffee drink, or a black tea- and then it was 3,4,5,6,7 caffeine doses a day. bad bad bad.
pdoc gave me provigil, why did I abuse caffeine? Because caffeine is a happy-maker and provigil is just an awake-maker. Caffeine makes me think faster. It gives me that jitter of excitement/terror/heart disease that simulates what I know as "motivation".
crap. well. I'm just gonna take my sleepy meds and call it an evening.
I'm physiologically, psychologically and culturally dependant on coffee.
at least I drink green tea. that's tasty, but has never given me a "rush".
my anxiety was good today, though. I felt stillness in my chest. and no tremor in my hands. that was welcome.
headache pain index: from 1(tiniest perceptible headache) to 10(nausea, extreme light and sound sensitivity, want to decapitate myself pain)
from 6am-5pm was 1-3. from 5-10pm has been crescendoing. has plateaued at about a 6.5. I can barely type lucidly. forget editing, but at least I'm not bedridden. holding steady since I took medication.
forecast for tomorrow- partly sh*t*y.
10-day outlook- gradually increasing sunshine, unless threats of extreme T-storm materialize.your somewhat dessicated,
Lindenblossompetal
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:703273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20061010/msgs/703273.html