Posted by corafree on March 19, 2005, at 13:36:12
In reply to Re: Effexor discontiuation side effects are HELL » corafree, posted by SLS on March 18, 2005, at 15:04:34
I can't even recall going off it twice before; there was always another AD following it, so been in la-la land and wearing the 'I'm o.k. mask.'
I've been watchin' for brain zaps, flu feelings, some awful things heard about discontinuing it, but nada, just 'hot flashes.'
I'm not betting that the mood stabilizer (actually anti-psychotic, (but I'm not psychotic)), the anti-epileptic (for epilepsy (which I don't have) and for mood stabilizer)), and Valium (the long lasting benzo so infrequently prescribed, but prob' what needed most, and not only at this time) were buffers for Eff-XR withdrawal, but if I had some money, I might.
I have mental clarity like I can't recall in years. I also had a tremor and it's better.
First began to have probs' about 22; crying for no reason. In a happy marriage, but 'crying and feeling out of sorts' caused me anxiety. The definition of anxiety is ... worry or uneasiness about what may happen, eager but uneasy desire to do well. My personality was happy-go-lucky and I was loved by a man I loved. Who wouldn't worry about what may happen if they sat around and cried half the time???
Finally (duh), saw the pattern of PMDD (dysphoric disorder). Dealing w/ 2wks of every 4, not my happy and carefree self; affected my thoughts as WORRIED WHY I didn't feel like me and WORRIED WHY others were treating me differently. Well, it ws because I was feeling differently and was acting differently. I had PMDD, hormones affecting my mood - that being referred to as dysphoria - the opposite of a feeling of well-being!! I think my reaction to that given situation is prob' pretty normal.
I don't know what progress has been made in the area of hormonal treatment, but almost 30yrs ago, it was an AD!
Then, of course, environmental stimulus, the man that loved me 'had lost me' nearly as much as 'I had lost myself' in worry and sadness.
I've always said that, for me, anxiety came before depression. But somewhere along the way ...I was told or asked or someone said I seemed like I was depressed. And, I was probably like, "yeah, I guess so, I mean, wouldn't you be if you were constantly worried, anxious, and in a sad MOOD, and which moods result in the loss of someone you love?"
Definition of depression - low spirits.
Definition of sadness - low spirits.I wonder how many people are on ADs, that are simply overwhelmed w/ anxiety because their MOOD is SAD.
Today, I think all these years of ADs did nothing. There was never any real relief of my mood, be it sad, angry, happy, whatever. Maybe that's another hypothesis for an easy withdrawal ... can't remember feeling in high spirits anyway!
I have like one symptom of bipolar & I don't like the label. When went to hospital for 'nervous system shutdown', two docs I'd never met before suggested this new regimen. I threw a fit, but finally succumbed, and I feel better than I have felt in such a long time.
But, everyone is gone, lovers and friends.
Pls don't freak out here, but I have chosen to view this as the 'grand' lesson of my life.
When two 'very good' docs saw me a few wks back now, I was not wearing my 'I'm not depressed mask.'
I think God took my mask, stepped in and slowed me down long enough for me to be clear about what it was that was going on with me.
I was a shaking, nervous wreck. BUT, my mental clarity was higher than I can ever remember! In moments of very deliberate eye contact, I managed to properly give this doc a definition of my condition, and he got it!!!!!
He 'got' that it was not about depressed; my thinking and speaking were very clear, as if they were separated from my body which was a wreck.
He got that it was about separating myself from a 10yr relationship, separation anxiety, courage, sadness, and happiness, and many more situations in my life which all welled up to a big giant feeling of 'feelings'.
Then, he and another doc said I didn't need an AD at all. Mentally I knew the seriousness of the nervous system shutdown that was happening to me. Mentally I was happy to be free of the aforementioned relationship.
Anyway, they said 'well, you don't seem so much depressed, as you do anxious and nervous'! I was like, whoa, someone is finally getting how I feel!
Maybe, physically, the many years of ADs may have done me nothing but harm.
I think that 'I'm o.k. mask' was all that ADs afforded me.
I'm sorry that benzos are addictive because I think they're not given when they are what is most needed.
I've been educated now about mood stabilizers. Yeah, I can really think now! Recent memory is better. I even have hope! And most important, I can feel.
There has been much pain behind my 'I'm o.k. mask' and I can look at that objectively for the first time. It's not just going away either. In fact, I have some laziness, pain, anger, and sadness to deal with today. But, that's o.k.
In DBT, I've learned some skills to cope w/ bad things in life which make your mood sad or angry.
I would certainly agree my nervous system has been injured, unallowed to express itself in our society, and I wonder and sort of think, dulled by ADs. I accept that part of this failure is my responsibility.
If I've said anything to help, I'm glad. If I've said anything to cause someone to question their feelings, I'm glad.
Consider your 'words' very carefully when you speak to a psych or a therapist or a social worker, or anyone who may play a part in your search for an answer to a discomfort for which you must seek help. And, immediately stand up for yourself if you feel you're not being heard or lumped into a category. If you're asked how you feel, and you don't know, do not be embarrassed to say just that..'I don't know'. If the person isn't making eye contact with you ... force it! If you walk away and think that's not what I meant to say, go back! Go back and make sure that it is understood that you used the wrong wording and feel you have relayed the wrong message.
Oh wow, I'm sorry. I got way off the track here.
Eff-XR withdrawal was something I'd been praying about because I cannot afford supplements/herbs, homeopathy, chinese medicine, accupuncture, etc., and cannot exercise as used to because of a back injury.
Why did I want to get off? That dulled feeling, and the controversy of Eff-XR.
I am in the most pivotal point of my life so far, and I have been doing a lot of praying.
Whatever it took to feel, I wanted it. I wanted to face horrible sadness, or maybe wonderful freedom from worry. I wanted to feel the past I'd never allowed myself to feel.
I wanted to do this for my Dad who passed away a year ago.
I have to agree w/ the majority rule that you don't titrate fast or cold turkey. I think that if you can afford alternatives, they seem to be a good idea.
From the above, I hope I've at least given someone things to think about, to question, and maybe even decipher a personal opinion.
I don't think I've posted this by myself ... :)
sorry so long, cf
poster:corafree
thread:464653
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20050228/msgs/472830.html