Posted by WhyandHow on October 11, 2008, at 1:52:21
I have a real problem and need answers or info on similar experiences. I used to post here a couple times quite a while back and ironically enough I had posted a research paper I did for a community college on the real drug problems in this country (legal drugs and pharmaceuticals). I have quite a story of experiences, research, and strong opinions that would be to much to get into in this post especially when I feel like I am about to loose my marbles right now. Lets just say I am a 42 year old male and have a history of extremely f*ck*d up parents, horrible childhood, drug addiction, trying to know God, issues with being gay, and although very smart in many ways, I have done really naive and stupid things in life. I have made some real progress in my 30s and early 40s with some real setbacks to. Its actually pretty amazing that I have made it through the things I have but if I told you about all that I would never get to the topic.
Most of my life I have smoked weed, but also had various chapters of other real drugs, getting off the bad situations, and then back to week, etc. I got in trouble for growing weed in late 30s and society treated me like a violent criminal. Someone who repeatedly endangered lives and had multiple drunk driving arrests was considered a much less criminal then I was for peacefully growing plants. Killing people on alcohol is not so bad, after all the alcohol industry is legal and very powerful. While on probation I could not smoke weed I would be better off robbing people or doing meth since those things were not related to my offense. I was introduced to snorting Adderall by one of the biggest dirt bags I ever met. I ended up doing that and popping benzoids with it a dangerous combination. I would end up going through very horrible withdrawal from benzoids afterwards which of course would get worse for quite a few days before getting better and I didnt know how I could live through it but I did more than once. After a couple years of moving on with life and just smoking weed along withanti-depresents which never did much for me, I had the opportunity to get Adderall again (not legally of course). . . .
There was no way I was going to let myself go back down the road of severe physical and mental torture I had been on before with withdrawal but by this time I had realized a couple things. 1-It was the benzoids that put me throught the worst withdrawal imaginable, not the Adderall. 2 snorting the stuff like cocaine was really stupid because it goes directly to the brain, creating a rush, need for more, and instant abuse just like cocaine or meth. 3-I knew I had ADHD especially when younger along with depression and other things. Why7 shouldnt I just try it the way it is supposed to be used? If I just took it orally, with no benzoids, the way it would be prescribed. So thats what I did and it worked great!! I was more happy and fulfilled then ever! I had all the same amazing results that anyone with a legal script had. I would accomplish so much, be focused, motivated, etc. I would become more social, have a real and fun sex life, loose weight gained from smoking pot and eating, etc. It was great! I The problem was I could only get a limited supply at the beginning of each month and pay street prices. After the first week or two of the month I would have to go back to a normal life which seemed pretty dull and unfullfiling. I knew of people that had amazing results from anti-depresants but I oculd never have that experience with them. Adderall, however, did everything for me! This was my 3rd month getting it. I have had some benzoids (Klonopin) sitting around for a while like in case of emergency but knew better then to get on them again. However, I had previously learned that an occasional isolated use of a Xanax would not throw me into full withdrawal if it was just one on isolated occasions. So, one night I decided I could take just one of those klonopins. After all, I hadnt touched a benzoid in a couple months or whatever and I would make sure I didnt take another one for a long time. THAT ONE LITTLE F*CK*NG PILL DESTROYED MY LIFE! As I got into the next day, I started feeling symptoms which became obvious benzoid withdrawal symptoms and got worse each day! for about 5 days! I always knew the brain remembered them but it still didnt seem possible from one little pill. Not only that but these bad symptoms totally took over any effects of Adderall and erased all the good things from it just like that ! I know most of you will think I am a f*ck*d up druggie and should have learned my lesson by now but bla bla. WHAT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?? Benzoid withdrawal from one little pill is wild enough but how could it totally erase any benefits from Adderall from that point too?!?!? Im talking 5 days later and still Adderall does NONE of the good things it did. Normally Adderall would mask or erase bad symptoms from things like quitting Paxil, having a few drinks whatever, but now the benzoid withdrawal from one pill a week ago has voided anything good from Adderall. That just seems too crazy. I planned my life around expecting to feel good this last week but it has been a nightmare. I told my PA from the local shrink center about everything today and even went to the ER 2 days ago to talk to a doctor. I have not gotten any real answers. I know some people are prescribed both of these drugs (not common but I havnt heard of them having this problem) . Normally when I run out of Adderall for the month I am just depressed and week for a few days and gradually go back to my hun drum Paxil and weed but this month is a nightmare all from that ONE little Klon. I would really like to understand how this happened. Obviously the Adderall somehow enhanced withdrawal. Can anyone explain how? and how Adderall doesnt work now? I have been so agitated, depressed, etc its really bad and I cant hardly think straight. .In the big picture I will need to consider the dangers of Adderall too, yes, but right now I need to deal with this. Hell, they prescribe Adderall to kids like candy to get better grades, and many others who lie to get it or whatever. People with a history of drug abuse dont get it regardless of how they might benefit from it and I am always honest about things. I dont trust the Fraud and Drug Administration, the pharmaceutical industry, or believe that a doctors signature is the difference between something being good or bad. I want to know and understand myself.
poster:WhyandHow
thread:856877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20080104/msgs/856877.html