Posted by oldschool305 on December 14, 2007, at 16:35:48
In reply to Re: oh no, i stopped the alcohol but now i have pills » oldschool305, posted by star008 on December 4, 2007, at 8:22:41
Oh yes, I am an addict.. If it's nothing something, it's another. I find myself constantly bored, nothing is fun anymore unless I am intoxicated on something. I need to change that way of thinking, I have improved though, a lot. I use to be a heavy drug user from cocaine to LSD, etc. I had a close scare with an overdose in 2001 and slowed down on everything. Before the overdose, I could drink 22 hours a day, sleep only 2 hours, get back up and do it again. Now, after a few drinks, I wake up feeling like death the next day. My friend who also suffers from PTSD, had xanax, gave me some, they made me feel great, started mixing them with alcohol. Although I am proud of myself for quitting the rest of the crap, I wish I could quit the drinking. That is what is really ruining my life. I can't just have a few drinks, I can't control how many I have. I always regret the next day. I always tell myself I will never do it again, I hate how I felt yesterday. I don't want to go back into the detox unit. I don't want to go back into the 7th drug rehab, but I keep doing it over and over again.... although I have cut down!!!! It's not enough, I need to quit 100%, not half-*ss quit... if that makes any sense.
I have so many friends that do what I do X 10.. they drink 10X's more that I do, take pills everyday X10, etc..... and they wake up feeling fine and do it all over again. Not me, I wake up feeling like death and usually end up in the hospital which is so darn embarrasing. I mean, if you see me, I don't look like a drunk/druggie type. Not that we have a "look" but I look fairly preppy yet inside, I am this dark miserable person drowning myself in alcohol and recently, pills!
People, Places, Things! My friends, 98% are users of some substance. The other 2% are my musician friends who are clean and sober. I need to surround myself with those 2% more often, I know. But it gets so boring. I crave the occasional buzz.
I believe I am bipolar, so I am going to see a doc soon and get the right treatment. Hopefully that will help with all these issues, and cravings. I pray to god, although I am not religious at all, that I find my path in life because I don't want to die. I am 27 years old, and got a great career coming up in a few weeks. I pray that I don't quit this job like the other 50+ jobs I've quit ususally because I was too damn hungover/withdrawing/etc.
Thanks for all the input guys, it's Friday night, I'm going to get drunk. Just kidding!! haha, seriously, I'm staying home tonight.... Got a gig tomorrow!!!
> ohh.. okay see your first post.. old school.. now I can see you are playng with fire and I think you know it.. We all know it until we convince ourelves that it isn't so bad.;(
> the bottom line is addiction is addiction and all of it will ruin your life. i wish there were things we could do to escape without taking a risk at addiciton but I ahven't found one yet;)..The problem with occassional use is that addicts always get carried away.. We convince ourselves it;s not so bad and we have it under control..but it never is if you are an addict. and since you have an alcohol problem i highly suspect that you are an addict too.. wasn't waht you wanted to hear, i know.. Ruins all the fun
>
poster:oldschool305
thread:794335
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20070626/msgs/800834.html