Posted by ClearSkies on April 11, 2006, at 7:14:41
...I'm halfway through my 8th month of sobriety. I'm keeping vewwwwy quiet about it because this is my longest period of sober living ever; and it is getting easier at the moment. I'm so lucky that I'm feeling better in general - depression still in remission, and my current state of hypomania has been characterized only by being more productive and needing less sleep (for now) with none of the raging that usually accompanies it. The stars have aligned to help me along right now. It's such a relief.
My dosage of Campral has been gradually reduced from 6 tablets a day to just 1. I think this medication worked for me by suppresng my cravings during the inital 3 months of sobriety, which was an amazing achievement in itself. My support IRL has been sporadic, although I recently accompanied a woman who was in the outpatient programme with me to several days of AA meetings in a row. It was a very anxious experience for me (just my personal past with the programme) and it hasn't appeared to have had much effect with my friend; she's went back to drinking after just 3 days sober. I hope she makes it long enough to live to see sobriety. The women's support group I'd attended moved too far from where I live to be able to make it without camping out overnight :-( The online support of the organization is unsatifactory although I keep my toes in the water and read the message board. I just don't contribute there as the group is too vast for me.
Sobriety makes it so much easier to work on my other issues. But it's nothing I can impress upon someon else; all I can do is share my own experience and offer my continuing support.
I'm not worried about losing what I've achieved. I'm not projecting my thoughts ahead of today, as I have an infinite capacity to paralyze myself with the what-ifs. I'm not dragging the past along for the ride. Taking responsibility for my actions is enough.
Living in the present has been the greatest gift. Accepting the help of the world around me - acknowledging the benign view that the universe has of my existence... my daily meditations has shown me how to open myself up to the good and bad of what our lives are. It's been a spiritual experience although the profundity of it has been a slow seepage into my brain rather than an epiphany of brilliant self awareness.
But I've been noticing that I'm not as mad anymore. And I'm not as scared anymore.ClearSkies
poster:ClearSkies
thread:631681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060205/msgs/631681.html