Posted by vbAgent on January 10, 2006, at 19:27:47
In reply to our histories, posted by James K on January 10, 2006, at 14:26:39
Hi James K,
I've been thinking about my past substance use and medical history, among other things. Like you, my life experiences seem like a fragmented series of unrelated events. Sometimes I see the big picture - and THEN I understand; I see clearly. I've never had a verifiable substance abuse problem. In high school I tried LSD once and marijuana only a few times; just your common and harmless experimentation that many people get into as a teenager. I went to college. Transferred twice. Made the Dean's List a couple of times. Overall, academically I did fairly well. I decided on computer science as a major but didn't finish. I stopped mid-way into my junior year. A few years earlier was when I started having psychological problems. So, like any unhappy person I saw a psychiatrist.
I tried a variety of psychotropic medications. Most of them screwed me up. Antidepressants. Anti-anxiety. Antipsychotics. The only medications that I did NOT have an unfavorable, adverse reaction to were the stimulants. Unfortunately, the stimulants arrived a little too late. The other drugs interfered...and I was a mess. The light at the end of the tunnel was that of an oncoming train. FYI, I was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten and again in college. The diagnosis was also confirmed later by a military psychiatrist while at basic training. I have a family history of ADHD, mood disorders and substance abuse. I eventually stopped taking all of the medications and joined the military, only to be discharged soon after due to high blood pressure, severe ADHD symptoms and something called Anxiety
Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified). I am now 28 years old.Currently, I take Adderall 15-30mg/day and Lunesta 2mg for adult ADHD and insomnia, respectively. Also, I take medications for high blood pressure and allergies. It doesn't seem right to be taking so many drugs at my age. Anyway, occasionally I use marijuana to relax and help fall asleep. I rarely drink alcohol. I have never used hard core drugs nor do I have a desire to use them. I simply want peace of mind. I want to be allowed to improve my quality of life without fear of arrest; without shame; without excessive self-reproach. All things considered, I feel like a substance abuser. I may have an addictive personality. Should I feel guilty? Am I just being too hard on myself? Well, these are just some thoughts. I didn't plan on typing this much. It would be wise to share this with my therapist. We haven't gotten too personal yet.
Peace... ;-]
poster:vbAgent
thread:597597
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/597702.html