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Close Call

Posted by verne on November 12, 2005, at 21:19:19

16 days and I nearly fell through the ice today. My daughter cancelled a get-together and I suddenly started thinking about drinking. I struggled for hours with the idea and even started making plans to arrange transportation to the store or even ride my bike.

In addition, we've yet to sign the sobriety "contract" so I felt like I had a green light. In fact, we were supposed to sign the contract when she came over.

Somehow all the waffling back and forth created the worst anxiety I've experienced in months. I now was calling possible rides every 5 minutes and checking the tires on the bike and calculating how much I could carry in the basket and over the handlebars. To make matters worse it would be dark soon.

I ate something, brewed some Nighty-Night tea - I like this blend because it doesn't have valerian root. Wish these herb teas didn't make me flush and sweat so much - soporific I think they call it. Seems like any herb that has medicinal qualities is also soporific.

Times like these I wish I had a benzo. I really need to get back into meditating on a regular basis so I don't get this far out of whack in the first place.

I think my daughter will pop by briefly tomorrow so we can at least sign the contract. It's pretty simple although I'm tempted to add a few more vices like computer games and following the news. I can't count the times that something in the news has made me more inclined to drink.

I'm thankful I somehow made it through today. My future seems bleak at this rate but I guess I still have hope that one day this runaway train will at least slow down.

Verne


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poster:verne thread:578121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051106/msgs/578121.html