Posted by AMD on November 3, 2005, at 11:23:07
Folks,
I've been in a vicious circle of cocaine use followed by days of depression, followed by a couple days of good spirits, concentration, etc., followed by another use. This has gone on for months.
On Saturday it happened again, and I've not yet shaken the depression. This is the longest it's ever taken for my mood to lift. Will my mood ever stabilize, or can I expect this to last forever? I feel so hopeless. I'm afraid that this time I really did "break" something, and it will be a downward spiral from here. I would rather die than live like this day after day after day. I'm not suicidal, but I'm in misery and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel the simple pleasure from reading and solving problems that I once did. Today I don't feel able to concentrate the slightest, and the thought of doing a complex task and not being able to makes me want to cry.
Rejoined Parallax today, which I hope is a step in the right direction. But I need relief /now/ as I feel truly horrid.
amd
poster:AMD
thread:574938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/574938.html