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Re: AMD, how are you today? » ClearSkies

Posted by AMD on September 18, 2005, at 18:05:06

In reply to AMD, how are you today?, posted by ClearSkies on September 16, 2005, at 10:01:33

> Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.
> CS

I feel off the wagon Thursday, went drinking, and did cocaine. Missed work Friday, and I'm feeling horrible today (Sunday). God, why do I do this to myself? I was feeling so clear-headed, mellow, relaxed ... and today I feel sooooooo sad and alone, as if I've not only betrayed myself, but my friends and family as well.

Not to mention missing work, which just makes me even more anxious.

On the one hand, I think, well, you went a month. It's time to pick yourself up and start again.

But on the other hand, I think, you f***ing failure, you're never going to beat this. My mind is filling with those thoughts of dread: brain damage, concentration is gone forever, health worries ... everything you've worked for has just completely vanished. And the sad thing is, after a month I'd felt some of those things returning.

Why do I keep doing this? I don't understand how I can feel so bad, so /low/, and then only a few weeks later completely forget the consequences.

Am I without hope?

Is there anything I can take to calm me down, lift this depression in the meantime? Or is it, as always, a waiting game?

amd


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poster:AMD thread:545647
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/556524.html