Posted by B2chica on May 27, 2005, at 11:38:37
My T is beginning to think i have a problem (i'm sure i do), my T even mentioned that he's concerned.
i started by abusing my xanax- getting close to S. attempt. i just wanted to sleep forever so took handful of xanax and LOOOOOOOts of wine. slept for almost 24 hours. couple days later i did the same. now, everytime i think of S. i think about just turning to the X and alcohol instead.i used to SI lots, then i restricted lots (AN), then i binged and purged for a while, then went back to SI, and now i think this is another form of SI. cuz i want to injure myself so badly.
so how do i know if i've crossed the line to dependancy. i don't feel i'd fit in a drug rehab facility (which my T mentioned- i shivered at that thought) cuz i don't do it to get high and feel good. i do it to hurt myself, to go numb.
and yes i do realize that many people who do drugs or alcohol to excess have the exact same reasoning. and i know that anytime you don't take meds as directed by dr. then you are 'abusing' the substance.but i don't/do want to die, part of me still nags about that and that's why i do it. it's like if i allow myself to take lots of pills then i don't need to commit S.
either way i know i need help. but i'd love to hear any comments or suggestions from anyone on this board.
thanks
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:503658
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050506/msgs/503658.html