Posted by chemist on May 9, 2005, at 2:29:03
In reply to Re: chemist: alcohol? how much? » Larry Hoover, posted by AMD on May 8, 2005, at 18:28:26
> Thank you for the responses. I'm still feeling a bit depressed and thus also all the effects that go with it: memory is blunted, recall slow; it's hard to get out of bed; I want to sleep constantly (which is easy to do when you have a bottle of Seroquel handy). So until this passes, I'll be in full-on "freak out" mode.
*** i hope you get some rest: aside from the implications of an unpleasant pattern emerging, you are being rather proactive (in my opinion) and addressing the issues before your weekend is a seven-day-long affair...*****
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> You're right, this is definitely heavy use, and it's definitely a prohibition breaking cycle given my post-use guilt.**** whatever the reason(s), the mixing and matching is not helping...nor is the guilt, which i see as being as detrimental at this point as a big night on the town. again, it comes down to things that can be chosen and things that must be worked upon with vigor. if you can eliminate one chemical variable from the mix every so often, you make the big picture much clearer to yourself..***
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> I keep thinking: "What did you do, what did you do, what did you do?" And hoping at any minute the capacity to smile will return, life will look good again, and my hopes and desires won't seem as unattainable as they do now.**** you've got the guilts, my chum. throw in a jumbo chemical cocktail + hangover and some depression and there you have it: a recipe that is good for many days thereafter...****
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> I should never play such a mental crap shoot with my brain. I can't believe all the substances I mixed -- that's eight or nine different chemicals in there playing with one another. Not a good idea, amd.
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> The kick-starter for all of this is that first drink: it lowers my inhibitions, and the next thing I know I'll do anything. I'm sure if heroin had been present at the time I'd have injected. So on the one hand I will freak out about the damage I may have done with the K, while on the other I count myself lucky it stopped with that.**** next time i come north, i'll meet you in newark and introduce you to my dead friends, as we head into the city via the path and j.c. i have one remaining living heroin addict friend, who is fresh out of rehab #7, and picked up hep C this last go 'round. she is 36 years old and has been shooting smack since we were kids - 14 years old. some kids play with dolls; others play with a kit and know how to spike a dose under their toenails to make sure mom doesn't see the tracks. if you are doing anything that loosens you to the point that you would be game for booting junk, stop right now. immediately. being the chatty drunk is one thing; the dead guy on the sofa the morning after is another. stay away from the sh*t and anything that puts you near it. ****
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> I am just afraid that something is mixed up in my head now, especially after doing the ketamine, and that whatever is mixed up my brain won't be able to unmix.**** listen to larry. and listen to me about the next step you might have taken. the k is the least of your problems. you do not know if you even did the drug advertised, and the quantity was miniscule. you could be headed for a bigger ride on a one-way street if you don't watch it. cross ``powders: misc. and other'' off the list of party favors. ****
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> One day at a time, I suppose. Perhaps in a week I'll have a clear head again and can do what it takes not to have a repeat of this.
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> I need to change my surroundings, too. I live above a bar; I date a woman who indulges. Both, I think, need to go. Sure, in theory it's me who has to change. But their presence is definitely not helping.**** you will not change the location of the bar, methinks: whether your relationship weathers a more tame outing remains to be seen. there are bars and liquor stores all over the place, and i am not sure that a change of venue will be effective in areas other than getting to bed earlier and not spending cash on booze just downstairs. your call...****
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> I need counseling, and help.
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> I hope I will be all right. I don't want my memory to be destroyed because I did an animal tranquilizer one night. (So ketamine has never been used on humans? And if it has, this amount -- 25 - 75 mg of powdered K -- would not call permanent damage?)**** i need help and counseling, too. and so i go. questionable as to whether it's working, but i have to try. ketamine has been used on humans - i mentioned the therapeutic category (vet) only to emphasize that (1) it is an anesthetic to be administered intravenously; and (2) none of us has any business using anesthetics for recreational purposes. again, worry about the acetylated morphine that you claim would unquestionably be a go if you had a few drinks in you: try finding ketamine vs. smack and you'll see why the former is of little consequence. *****
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> Larry, chemist -- I'll try to quit bugging you guys with questions. Next time I'll do a Google search and look for the previous answers you supplied, which will invariably address my concerns.
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> amd**** i would be disappointed if the dialog came to a halt, personally. and i do not claim to be anything more than a scientist with a stack of reasonably well-read and reviewed sources in my possession when i state that a google search on anything drug-related == cat >& /dev/null. keywords in another tab for ketamine and brain damage yield: (1) some forum of posters, a few seeking to contact ``Mr. White'' in order to ease the damage from ketamine use, although one poster writes ``Please Use ketamin with great caution.'' this is beyond lousy advice and well into a recipe for disaster. and the first hit on google. (2) takes you to drugscope, where you learn that ketamine isn't all that bad after all - there are citations, although i would not wager that taking it for fun is a good idea. on the same website, you can go to ``Heroin misconceptions'' where you learn that ``That heroin is addictive is a fact. Heroin is not however, instantly or even nearly instantly addictive (neither is crack cocaine or any other substance). This idea is based upon a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction and the supposed power of addiction. Research consistently shows that becoming addicted to any drug takes time, usually 2-3 months (often much longer) where the user builds up to regular daily use.'' another ringing endorsement for giving yourself at least 3 months - and longer - of daily heroin use to see if you get hooked. you can ask google or your dealer about smack, and you'll get a more honest answer from your dealer; (3) back to the same site in #2; (4) the national institute on drug abuse (NIDA), the first hit that actually has a basis in fact. frankly, you are better off with larry and the rest of PB: i have to close that google tab as the smell of bulls*it is permeating my apartment, and it's not coming from me. be well, yours, c
poster:chemist
thread:492031
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