Posted by Tony P on May 25, 2004, at 16:35:40
In reply to Help, posted by anxious and sleeples on April 10, 2004, at 12:38:00
I can really relate, I've tried almost everything at one time or another and abused them all, except (thank God) heroin and the newer uppers - I'd be gone. I have been on and off benzos several times, it really does take six months to get back to anywhere near normal.
The only thing that stopped me from buying benzos on the net one bad night was the cost. When I got to the checkout and saw how much I'd be paying for 3 weeks supply (if I really used them carefully - ha!), I had a brief moment of sanity (or maybe Scottish frugality), quit the site, and next morning swallowed my pride and went to the Dr. I live in Canada, so generic benzos are CHEAP if prescribed legally - I couldn't get past paying over $100 US for something that would cost me $15 at a drugstore here!
I am on far too many benzos at the moment, I've been taking the total equivalent (according to the tables) of 10 to 15 Valium 10 mg daily for the past week. All legitimately prescribed, but I did double up on two of them when I switched from Serax to Restoril at night. I think it's gotten a bit out of hand, despite having a very knowledgeable MD, and I am not looking forward to getting off them, especially since I'm STILL hyper half the time despite everything I'm taking.
The one thing I know is I can't do it on my own - I need all the people and help I can stand, and then some, being an extreme loner by nature. And arrogant as well - sometimes I think because I "know it all", been there, done that, got several T-shirts, I should be able to control my using -- after all, they're "only" Rx drugs, or "only" OTCs. Not a chance. Sure, I'm the one who has to actually stop taking the benzos (gradually of course), and I can't be around people all the time, nor is anyone going to hold my hand 24/7, but it's hopeless if I try to manage it all myself. I've proven that too often.
Case in point - after taking too many benzos all week as I said, I've been up all night, on the computer, never even got around to taking my night, morning and noon meds (benzos and Lamictal) and now here it is 2:30 PM (local PDT) and I don't know where the time went. I'm going on like the EverReady bunny and I think I'm more than a little crazy today. Do I crash and go to bed and try to get the sleep I really need, or do I tough out what remains of the day and hope I'm tired enough to _want_ to sleep tonight??Maybe I'll flip a coin. Or maybe I'll call my sponsor. Or trust my body - my mind is sure not reliable at this point!
Next time I post here I'd better set the anti- addiction limit - it doesn't actually stop me posting, but at least it's a reminder.
Now I really WILL stop posting.
Tony P
poster:Tony P
thread:334898
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040409/msgs/350533.html