Posted by katia on November 8, 2003, at 14:53:40
In reply to Re: Glad you are here - » puravida, posted by BarbaraCat on November 8, 2003, at 11:19:21
hey Barb,
good to see you over here! Why not? You make me laugh. The image of you drinking, listening to the radio teetering over to the piano, thinking that you're Hemingway and then and then, well the next morning. How did that happen? We ask so innocently shaking our heads reaching for the coffee as tho' our sane little normally composed selves had "one night" of a bit too much; but that's just not like me at all "normally".
It's funny how we trick ourselves into thinking that it was being poured into our bodies without our will. but goddangit...I LIKE that feeling of cooking, listening and singing to music, drinking skunk blood (red wine for all of you who don't know) and letting the creativity juices flow, writing, playing the piano, dancing....
I was at a party last Sat. and barely made it thru'. Luckily I found a woman who was a ghost writer. She's always trying to get into my inner world and finally I let her because I couldn't talk to anyone else there - too loud and too bright, bottles of wine being passed under my nose. (luckily for my non-alcoholic beer). And I let her know what I was dealing with and hard it was for me to be there. She's known a good many friends/ex-husband who has either been depressed or bipolar. The instant understanding on her part made it bearable for me to be there. But the comments I heard from people: (mind you I wasn't drinking AND I was in that funk); I like the full of trouble Katia, not the good one. I like the drinking katia better. Remember you got the whole party dancing that time by insisting they turn off the Georgian (it was a Georgian feast - a friend had just come back from the country of Georgia) the Georgian music and play "I will survive" and you did a dance solo in the ring of tables. And then everyone else joined in. The whole night was a drunken debauchery. Even the uncle of my friend who is normally composed was calling himself Boris drinking a bottle of vodka and ended up throwing up on the way home.....
anyway, I'll get that spirit back, but not from spirits in the bottle! I just need to relearn. And honestly, I don't want to be the one who humiliates herself (from my perspective everyone else loved it) and gets up and dances in front of the entire party....
you've been there , i"m sure! But my point is, thing's are changing and people notice.
BTW, did you actually go to a couple of AA meetings recently?
take care,
Katia
poster:katia
thread:268981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/277764.html