Posted by Peter N on September 23, 2003, at 9:50:33
In reply to Addictive personality anyone?, posted by slinky on September 16, 2003, at 22:33:05
I feel that I got myself into trouble by labeling myself with an addictive "personality." I just got so frustrated with being addicted to random things: computers, sex, porn, car audio, relationships, etc; I figured drugs would be the next logical step, so I jumped right in, ignoring everyone's warnings. When I got into rehab, I told them this was my personality, and drugs were the only thing that freed me from other compulsive behaviors, so why bother treating this, I'm flawed to begin with. (I was put in rehab against my wishes.)
It turns out that it's not a "personality" type, instead it's a dis-ease. It's the problem with never feeling at ease with the way things are - always wanting MORE.
Going through rehab for 80 days (I was really sick) shone light on a couple things that helped me see two things about myself that greatly contributed to this: 1) I lived in a state of total suffering and didn't even know that it could be any other way and 2) I have ADD, which made my reality cloudy and was self-medicating with cocaine and other substances. Through a lot of therapy, my constant unconscious suffering was transmuted into consciousness. All it took was total honesty about my childhood. My parents were nothing but loving and caring, so I figured I was just flawed. For me, it was childhood bullying that I repressed and thus continued to suffer from into adulthood. Being addicted to things allowed me to focus on something that wasn't myself.
poster:Peter N
thread:260852
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/262646.html