Posted by alexandra_k on February 26, 2015, at 15:02:27
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:37:52
i got a D for physics. first course i've ever failed at uni. so now when lecturers look me up instead of looking at my grades and noticing i got a first in law they'll just stop once they see the 'academic standing: at risk' notification.
aw.
but it doesn't matter for program entry, so, it doesn't matter. deep breath. let it go.
we had first year health science orientation. pretty full on. it was reassuring... how i didn't seem to be the only one getting tired near the end. how at various points when i felt like groaning about this or that... many other people did.
320 people in first year health science. they had a range of lecturers / students etc talk to us and there is very much a sense that the best students get to go off to do medicine and that medicine is the flagship program - but they will spend time trying to half-heatedly convince themselves / others that it's not).
could tell that some people didn't have a hope right from that first day. when people are well rested and fresh. some other people stood out as being... self possessed. basically, i think that is it. calming.
this year really is mostly an exercise in sucking it up, i think.
the majority of the lecturers simply will not make their powerpoint presentation notes available to students prior to class. students have been at them over the years... taking it to student representation meetings and so on... it is standard for psychology... spend 10 minutes going through the slides... then listen to the lecture and follow along and jot your notes on the slides... then re-tell the lecture to yourself with the use of your slides after... then... write out your slides from memory...
but, no. they want you to be playing with coloring in pencils or doing fill in the blank games during class... and they simply WILL NOT be responsive to what their best and brightest students have to say about the issue.
and it is... frustrating. it interrupts all students learning. well, the learning of intelligent and motivated students with good study strategies, anyway. it interrupts mine... people with certain kinds of learning disabilities learning even more so. since i'm especially distracted by people playing footsie and 'look at me and smile or i'll kick the back of your seat all semester' games that the kids play... especially once some of them learn they don't have a hope so really have nothing to lose...
sigh.
deep breaths.
i need to make a list... a list for when motivation gets hard.
it is a marathon, not an olympic lift. nobody gives a sh*t about ability that can be displayed in a moment... people give a sh*t about things like reliably being in class / at the bus stop at 8am on 5 days of the week... doing all the little activities worth about 0.5% of a mark each because they... add up... eventually... over the very (very very very very) long run...
i will learn organisation and management because... that's what it is a test of, really.
i suppose i am ahead in some ways... having a verbal age such that i can read my textbook... knowing where to find handly little youtube clips etc etc...
deep breath:
- it is a marathon. that is the point. it is supposed to feel overwhelming at times. just take a deep breath and keep going...
- when motivation flags... you don't want to be left behind with the straggly people. and the straggly lecturers and... so on. that's the thing about working your way up... it isn't infallible because of nepotism and the like... but it it about working your way into the right group. like-minded group. it takes time, yeah. because it takes time to see who / what people really are. that's why it's hard.
i see what other people are doing... with their being friendly and sociable with most people... early on the herd size is huge. then, over time, people sort themselves into smaller groups of more like-minded individuals. the herd size gets smaller. i... can't do that.
partly it is because i can't think of these kids as peers so much... because of the herd thing. i'm used to... academics. who disperse / spread themselves throughout environments. rather than clumping. i enter a space... i occupy the least occupied part of it. i flinch when someone else enters the space and bumps up on me when there is an unoccupied bit over there or there or there or over there... people are supposed to be so good at the non-verbal communication. do that then. why do you need to crowd me??
and when i see a group of students... my natural tendency is to... be off to one side. or in front. because of however many years of teaching. so i just don't feel like part of it.
so, what happens is usually that most people sort of sense my aloofness and leave me be. but i'm at risk that some thick skinned dumb *ss will think that i need rescuing, or something... or i end up with... stragglers who don't know what the hell is going on... i think... the latter will mostly find me (lab partners and so on)...
but: it's a marathon. just hang in there... and it will be okay.
when things are unnecessarily time consuming... because we are prevented from using most efficient study techniques... when they spend 2 hours on a workshop that could have been done in 10 focused minutes...
it is an opportunity to practice nodding and smiling. let other people talk... follow along... it isn't information dense anyway... try and... learn to refuel / recharge while it is going on... not sleeping... but thinking... refuel then...
yeah.
it is going to feel like an awfully long year...
5 weeks till study break. only 25 8am starts until study break. i can do anything for 25 days - right? only 5 days and then i get to sleep in over the weekend. one day at a time...
___
there was some useful advice given. advice that students have... failed to grasp. distorted. passed on. e.g., a few of the people... deans and the like... said about how you need to find what you are passionate about / enjoy. to do that. to have fun. students interpret that as party party party join clubs and so on... but i think they meant... academically. or... perhaps not. i guess some people discover party party party is their fun. then they discover academic standing at risk by the end of the first semester and then discover... they don't get entry to year 2 after they finish up their second.
but it is for the best. it is part of moving up... moving side-ways... moving. instead of becoming stuck in the wrong place.
people are 'i discovered medicine was not for me when i got sick of being stuck in the library until 9 or 10 pm every night'. and... uh... i would burn out if i tried to do that, too! jeepers! but coming home to my studio... enjoying cooking a meal... taking a break for the news to learn about what we are trying to teach the population at the moment... and... remembering / reliving the trauma of the day... it isn't something i have to force my mind to do... it's something of... what it does if left to wander... but then i get curious about the holes / bits i forgot... and that will occupy me till bedtime. and beyond.
so... is there really any other way?
only... it's not really about that... it's about the busy-work tasks with o.5%... and doing chemistry problems and so on... but being stuck in the library until 9 or 10pm???
why do people think it is about that? i mean... the library is the place people go to when they are *trying* to work...
is it because it helps the middle classes accept their station in life? To believe that the medical people etc work harder than they do?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1076818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20150214/msgs/1077142.html