Posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2014, at 19:48:03
In reply to Re: wrecked the bar, posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2014, at 19:18:08
Sigh.
It's not so bad. I know it isn't. I do have some kind of faith...
I've lived with the masses and... I can't function in that kind of environment. I fought to get back to where I am because I didn't do so well back there...
I do have a hard time identifying with the young 'uns who have had their blessed lives, though. the structured exposures... but then... looking through the medical curriculum and seeing the structured exposures to things like... having a baby / handling infants. and so on... i feel grateful. that it isn't 'just get in there and drag yourself up / work it out somehow'. a lot of my childhood felt like that. i guess that is how come i tend towards bitterness / cynicism...
it is coming from fear.
we weight UMAT a lot less than Aussie places do. They sort of need something that is applied to all students. Becuase their med applicants are coming from a diverse range of universities. Some students went to a competitive one and earned A's... Some other students went to a smaller / more rural / less competitive one and earned A's... UMAT scores help distinguish between applicants.
NZ... Doesn't need it so much with our applicants having done the same first year... It is more about... Demonstration of committment, or something. Takes effort to get organised to pay the fee and get to the testing place etc. During the holidays, too. It means that the applications they receive are serious applications. One wouldn't organise that because one thought one would 'have a go'. Or in a moment of whimsy...
The interview... They don't want to hear a rant. Cynacism. Bitterness. Resentment. But if I can put that to one side I probably can say something pro-lottery. I mean... I got the idea from a research paper I read ffs and the main issue was that they thought it wouldn't have public acceptance. Because the public wants to think they have the best. Because (the missing part they haven't told the public) the public doesn't realise that there are around 2x as many people wanting to do it as people would would likely go on to be terrific. We have some arbitrary difference-makers to discriminate... But they reward wealth and heredity... Which makes it more likely our medical doctors will aspire to move to Australia for better pay and 'better' (according to section II assessed culture and values) working conditions.
4 minutes? Maybe I can do it... Perhaps. I think the idea is more to engage with the interviewer rather than ranting at them, anyway. Say a little... See how they respond. Let them coax me into saying things we both agree with. Empathy. Yeah.
I do worry that I can't trust my judgement... But I honestly think... That I honestly mostly can...
I felt... From my Otago interview... That if I erred... It was in the preppy / rich white Australian direction. I thought... They would be wanting that (mostly because of my mates applying to Aussie Medical schools). I got myself a preppy outfit and accessories (that I felt comfortable in - so it would have come across as natural)... Insofar as the interview people were dubious... It would have been because they felt me to be too much in the way of rich white Australian... Becuase I actually can pull it off really rather well (after however many years of working on my PhD)... I was initially suprised and then something clicked with the girl I met who was more... Well... Who was used to working with doctors in nursing homes and was dressed clearly more appropriately for that setting...
And at one point I said about how I had done some work with this street kid outreach thing with xxx and they knew xxx. And they looked rather shocked at that point. That they had me pegged wrong.
And they did.
Because I don't know how to convey that I know I'm comfortable with hospitals because of the amount of time I've spent there. How to convey that mentally ill people are mostly chillaxed with me. That I have good empathy with them... For things... Intuitive... When they want a cigarette... Of course I know it is different when you are in a different role.. Making people do this and that against their will... But generally speaking... The idea of graduated exposures to mental health wards seems funny to me... As would the graduated exposures to ob gyn to a person who was towards the eldest end of a 13 sibling family...
Or the little hyperactive glue sniffers. with severe behavioural dyscontrol. who can't keep their hands to themselves. the little kleptomaniacs... I'm not entirely comfortable... But I do better than most. And I have empathy... And I've seen how most of them can come to attach to a pet... And how the ones who can't... Well... And the gangs... The people in gangs... How most of them attach to pets too... And how some of them are much more honourable than professionals out there who are supposedly on the side of the patients...
Sigh.
I don't know how to convey all that. That blend. That contradiction that doesn't make sense to me half the time.
I choose to believe... I choose to hold onto the idea that they want people like me. That they want people like me to succeed. That it really just is about my science grades. And about me not losing my sh*t / undermining myself this year. Not completely flunking the UMAT (people with 30th percentile scores are being offered places from terrific GPA's). Not ranting during interview.
It will be okay.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1074649.html