Posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2014, at 20:30:04
In reply to Toxic family » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2014, at 17:16:30
it occurred to me that i wasn't allowed to get a part time job. around the time when lots of kids my age were taking up paper runs or after school jobs in supermarkets... where all you had to do was put your name down on a list and your name would come up 6 months later...
i wasn't allowed.
for whatever reason.
the main one, of course being: financial independence.
i remember stealing money from her. to buy cigarettes. and food. junk food, admittedly, but after staring at a plate of silver beet for a number of hours... this is when i'm 13, 14.
she would never give me money... how else was i supposed to buy such things? to buy anything?
around once a week i'd manage to steal up around $7. this was a time when most of the kids were being given $10 allowance from their parents. some of the better off ones $15 or $20. when they were transitioning over to their own part time jobs. when parents were teaching them about putting aside 1/3 to save and 1/3 to gift and 1/3 to spend now. or whatever...
and of course i lived with immense guilt that i was a horrible lying cheater who (only to make it worse) lay awake most of the night trying to convince herself to build up the courage to stab her f*ck*ng mother with the kitchen knife to put an end to it.
of course it is obvious to me that she must have known about the thefts. given how f*ck*ng stingy she is. every 5c accounted for. she would have known. and given her considerable pride and pleasure to be able to attend all these 'tough love' etc workshops that she had to go to to tell them about how hard it was loving such a horrible horrible child (oooooooh poor her).
anyone remember that movie 'mummy dearest'
?
resonates...
my mother was doing her compound interest thing... to save up for... precisely now. now that we can in fact get the hell away from her.
ugh.
and once again... i need a job. sigh.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1074231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1074250.html